Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[CherryBomb]

Time check: We got 30 minutes to go, so now is the time to put forward any questions to give sonia @BlueButterfly50 time to respond.

Gee wiz, time has gone fast tonight!

[Jacques]

yes i often feel bad that i can't be away from my mother, i have not had a night away from her since 1994, i feel so bad, she is so emotionally drainned by my shifting moods and constant reassurance, and worrying about my suicidal tendancies and self-hatred

[CherryBomb]

@Jacques and @Concerned is sounds equally as stressful for both carers and the person living with BPD.

@BlueButterfly50 is there support for families that support someone with BPD? What advice is there for relationship affected by BPD?

[BlueButterfly50]

My thoughts are that she is terrified of being abandoned by you. No amount of reassurance will convince her otherwise. It's like when she cannot see you, you are no longer on this earth. I was like this with my therapist. I was on my forties and fifties, she would text/email me when on holidays. I eventually learned to have her in my heart, rather than physically with me. I needed constant concrete proof she was still there for me, thinking of me etc. Now I am more symbolic and have a "security blanket" in the form of a teddy bear she gave me for my 50th birthday. I no longer have abandonment issues. research BPD and abandonment issues. My understanding is that this is a developmental milestone that was never reached when she was a baby/toddler, she never resolved from her separation anxiety stage. It is a psychodynamic concept. I feel for you and wish I had a better answer.

[BlueButterfly50]

Yes there is. DBT therapy is the best we have at the moment. Those abandonment issues can resolve over time, but knowledge and understanding is crucial. Knowledge is more power to you and her.

[CherryBomb]

That's sounds like a tough but empowering transition @BlueButterfly50 from fearing your therapist's absence to being ok with it.  Did it take some time to lead up to this? And what sort of preperation was involved?

[Jacques]

Yes that is spot on for me, i always thought i missed the toddler development stage, it is so true, i feel so alone, and like their is no one if my parents are not with me all the time, i have never been able ot find a replacement for my parents, i have been teased and humiliated by so many people because of this.

[BlueButterfly50]

Do you have a therapist. I've answered this in another section, but essentially my thoughts are that you are afraid of being abandoned by someone you are attached to. Exploring this issue with a trusted therapist can give you more understanding. Sometimes medicare 10 sessions is not enough and you have to pay full fee. If you have a good therapist it is worth it. I paid full fee to supplement medicare and I am so glad I did. I would not have the life I have now. It is also hard work for you doing therapy. Hard work but rewarding. It's not just the therapy hour, it's putting it in place during the week as well. Good luck. I feel your pain 🙂

[BlueButterfly50]

http://www.bpdaustralia.com This is a course for carers to do. It runs for 12 weeks. It offers education, skills and support.

[Jacques]

i went to 1 therapist, but they wanted $130 on top of medicare, which i can't afford