Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Former-Member]

hello @Former-Member @misunderstood

glad to hear that you are feeling a little more grounded about the whole thing.

appointment is tomorrow. i tried ringing my son twice, he has no message bank, i also texted him and no response.

walking will get back into soon, have a few appointments this week.

we saw quite a few christmas lights in our area the other weekend. Some people put an incredible amount of effort in to the event.

My husband's daughter has some lights up outside the front of her house as well.

Hope things are calm in your world misunderstood or at least as calm as they can be.

take care all of you xxxx

[misunderstood]

hi @mohill and @Former-Member,

Thank you both for being here to talk to. Iam very happy to hear that the little displine helped your daughter and that her reation was so positive. @overthe edge

Mohill I'm sorry to hear you didn't get through to your son. and I am also glad you didn't as you implied there are fors and against hearing and/or not hearing.   keep believing in him though and when the time is right he will give you a call... as I said before there is no room for negitivety here. keep positive.

You asked what I'm doing for Christmas... crying I think, and lying to every one we meet on our trips to the various parts of the family, unless a miracle happens. definitely don't feel like Christmas this year. but I did do a little Nativity for the front window... very subtle

I heard my darling girls voice again last night and I was delighted to hear how well she sounded She was happy to converse with me and to told me things, in fact she even lead the conversation. she let me believe she was at home and everything was OK.... as if I didn't know any better. It was like having her back again for a moment as we laughed together and pretended to be oh so happy. I even managed to get some Christmas sewing done. All the while guarded about what ever we said. on her part not to let me know what she didn't want me to know, on mine so I didn't say any thing to upset the apple cart

Then the only life line I have between her and myself tells me that she is no better and that she wont be coming home for Christmas. I was told how she was slipping away  and nothing they are doing is working. she is thinking of having a ECT done which really fightens me....and I can't even tell her how much I love her. I can't understand how she can approve of something  so medieval when she is not in her right mind. and they agree to let her make these bizaar decisions yet her own family who is willing to be there for her, is completely cut out of every part of her treatment.

 However, I guess I'll have to pull myself together again and prepare to go on the Christmas rounds once again. maybe something good will happen before the Christmas season ends... after all it is the time for Miracles to happen and in our past experiences there have been many

I hope your time with your family this year is special and loving and you both have a wonderful time. Thank again. Blessings.

[Former-Member]

• Hi @Former-Member

Sorry that I had my days mixed up re your appt, my mind was everywhere yesterday but yes things are more grounded here for now so am trying to relax while I can. My daughter has improved slightly but she has a way to go and I feel it will take many years for her to heal/mature. The other day caught me by surprise and I didn't know the whole story at the time - should have guessed the abusive ex was involved somehow. She is saying once again that she has broke ties with him for good  - time will tell. She is always better when not in contact with him. She is even talking about going to Uni to undertake Veterinarian studies - it's good that a least she is thinking about setting goals. But she can be a ticking time bomb with her mood swings. One day at a time.

@Former-Member How do you feel about your son not responding to your text messages and not being able to get hold of him? I remember going through this with my daughter a few years back and the anxiety was awful for me. But we all handle things in different ways. Am here to talk if you want to my friend. Hope the appt tomorrow goes well - will look forward to hearing about it. I love reading your posts @Former-Member - I feel I connect with you in a very deep and positive way 💕

It saddens me @misunderstood that you feel you will be crying on Christmas. I am having Christmas lunch with hubby and daughter but should be home later in the afternoon. I will pop online here and see how you are going. Please always feel free to talk about how you are feeling as you have friends here now that listen and care.

The information that you are learning about your daughter's mental state and possible treatments such as ECT - is this very reliable information? It's wonderful to read that you have spoken to your daughter again and laughed together having a really enjoyable conversation. She obviously still loves you a lot and it's a positive thing that the relationship is being nurtured - you will always have her in your life, grieve not.

Do you have any inkling as to why she does not want you to know about what is happening to her and her treatments etc? Do you know if your daughter in the past suffered any extreme stress, illness or trauma that may have triggered her decline? I hope you don't mind the questions but I am trying to get a clear picture in my mind of your situation. Will you be with family for Christmas? The nativity in the window would be soothing and as love came into the world that night ❤️ I know it's a difficult time for you (and myself and mohill as well), but I do hope you can find some peaceful and relaxing moments on reflection and with the hope in your heart that 2017 will bring happier times - as I am sure it will for us all. Sending warm hugs 🤗

[Former-Member]

hello @misunderstood @Former-Member

thank you so much for your response.

You know exactly how I am feeling. I should get you to explain this to my doctor.seem to go around and around in circles at the moment in my sessions. You have just articulated everything that I feel including the christmas day jolly run.We also have an added evening on new years eve for my husband's sister birthday. Judgement will be full on at that one, they will all be there collectively waiting for me to slip up.

feeling very bleak and so sad.

so sorry to put all of this on to you. You do sound as though the little steps are growing in your relationship with your daughter. What I found in the past is let them make the steps forward and you just gently steer. am so happy for you. i know it hasnt gone away but there is positive change and when we have that we hold on to it with all our strength and never let go of that feeling.

have edited this about 4 times now and dont have the energy to do it again. it probably sounds all higgledy piddledy which is an apt indication of my mind.

feelings about my son, i have pain in my chest and stomach, tears overflowing that seem endless, guilt and i know you will say i shouldnt have but i cant seem to get rid of that one. i left my marriage because i wanted my sons to see me happy. my husband did not treat me well. My sons dont know all the things that he said and did to me and they never will. I still speak to their dad in relation to them. he is their father and needs to be just that for them. they know themselves his slip ups with them. as parents we all slip up because it is the hardest job on this earth.

I wont let my older son speak badly of his father and tell him that i will not listen to that if he continues i will hang up or walk away.

well now i dont even have the contact.

i just need to get through each day at the moment. i told my psychiatrist that the last few weeks i am basically just existing during the day, cant wait to take medication and go to sleep at night. have been having restless nights and weird dreams again.

i will put on the smile.

will probably post on here again or should i just say rant.

glad to have you both in my life xx life is so strange. people come into our lives for a reason some for a short while, some stay longer, some never leave. xx

bless you xxx

[misunderstood]

Hi again @mohill and @Former-Member

Well Christmas has just come and slapped me in the most unexpected way.  Oh, that's a good thing!. I heard from my baby again only this time it was on her terms not mine she sent me a text. a beautiful text. I guess that so called thin line between her and me is a bit off the beaten track or something because again she sounds wonderful and happy. she is planning her Christmas and seems to have purpose. a plan for next year at least. I let that negative "report get the better of me. That sent me into a spiral of confusion and I came out thinking maybe it would be best to leave everything in Gods hand and see how long it took her to make contact with me. A risky chance, I know, but it hasn't even been a day and I got a good result. Oh by the way I won't be crying for Christmas, she's home after all . I will be spending Christmas with The family. She dosen't want us to go see her yet but I am waiting for the phone call to say  come over now mum I'm looking forward to seeing you and spending some time. I intend to always have her in my life..

OK having told you my good  news.

@Former-MemberI am pleased things seem to be still looking up for you and your daughter and I pray that it continues for the better end for you and your family. Its so good she is thinking about her future... Its a beginning. I can be rest assured that your Christmas will be a least together. I pray that it will be a very happy one as well. God Bless friend.You will stay in my prayers and thoughts now

@Former-Member  Thank you so much  for the encouragement about my relationship with my daughter. I didn't see that when I wrote that last blurb. I relate to that feeling deep in the pit of your stomach and tears overflowing that never seem to end. but As I keep saying .this moment dosen't last for ever. It will pass. Hopefully you will have a little miracle happen too before Christmas ends this year... I'm praying for it and for you. Just hang on and know it will pass for better times. Be strong and don't give up. Blessing my special friends. Thank you again for your strength and encouragement when I needed it.... that goes also for @over the edge as well. thank you both.

[Former-Member]

hello @misunderstood

it has just occurred to me that I have a psychiatrist, 3 times a week at the moment,medication and prn when needed which is now.

i have a new psychologist whom i saw on wednesday to talk about what is schizophrenia and some strategies in how to respond basically.

the session i think i dont know really was for an hour. i was there for 1 hour and 20mins. felt all woozy when i stood up. she was very concerned saying i could sit and sip water (place all dark and locked up) i thanked her and said no i will be fine i will just sit in my car for a while and ground myself. i couldnt even open the door. the sunlight was blinding. i have locked myself up in side the house for so long now my eyes are sensitive to the bright light.

When she said im sorry but time is up now I put my head in my hands and said oh no i havent even begun to talk about schizophrenia! i need to take something away with me anything no matter how small. what happens if he rings me. Her response was that I need to focus on my breathing.

i had strong anxiety when i was in there and she went over my history - hence 80 minutes later. she recognised that i wasnt breathing properly and said that was why i felt whoozy when i stood up.

A very clever lady. i still feel quite spaced out about the whole thing but i do know that i am practising my breathing.

another session yesterday with outreach carer person who was lovely. 2 hours later! she was telling me ring her anytime over the break she didnt care that she was on holidays. she trusted me that i would only ring in an emergency. she rang the psychiatric ward of the hospital in the state that we know my son was last and made them take notes of his name, date of birth and my and his dads contact ph no. i told her that was my greatest fear he would be detained there but they would not know who he was. he might have had all his stuff stolen. anything. we would never know. so that is why she made the call.

will help me a little in getting through christmas.

and i have you two lovely ladies who show me that you care. you listen to me even though i ramble on. you cant pay for this and get this. you cant make appointments with specialists and get this.

we have just found one another in the same place at a time when we need to be heard by people who connect and dont judge.

so thank the both of you from the bottom of my heart xxx

[misunderstood]

Hi @mohil

I'm so happy that Your psychologist rang the psychiatric ward of the hospital.  I also hope that he is there or at least he some how finds his way there and I hope it gets you through Christmas. Just try to remember to keep  positive in the face of so much negativity. What are you doing for Christmas? When do you go away to see you extended family. do you have people to see during these next few days?

I'm trying to keep positive and am relying on my faith, such as it is, to get me through. I do believe miracles happen and this is the season for miracles....they happen even at the last moment. have faith my dear friend and don't let things get on top of you . I will pray especially for your intentions today instead of mine. I truly hope you are not alone and that you can find a happy place in your mind.

@misunderstood

[Former-Member]

thank you am welled up with tears yes am spending Christmas 3 different places. I am putting some strategies in place taking prn before going and thinking about where I sit. hope you have an enjoyable period too thank you for including me in your prayers. I keep forgetting to pray when I am near rock bottom . I will try to remember tonight and include you. xxxxx

[Shaz51]

Hello @Former-Member, @misunderstood, @Former-Member, @Shimmer

how is everyone today ??

hope you ae all ok xx

my Husband has MI and I have 4 stepchildren who are all adults now

the 3 stepsons  texted us on the day

stepdaughter gave her dad a present

[Former-Member]

hello @misunderstood @Former-Member @Shaz51

thank you for having me in your thoughts my friends.

left home at 9.00am got back home at 11.30pm. eyes popping out of head so wired.

christmas day was long, hectic and yet quite remarkable in a different way.

For once in my life I think that was as a result of me.

I have the strangest sensation inside that something is shifting.

I believe that my strength carried me through the day, battling judgmental looks, imminent confrontations and discomfort in others. younger son at sister and mum's, picked up on my wired for sound mood and left early. I was trying so hard to get everyone in same room to relax and just talk together, share, no all focus on food, food, food, presents. sister did say to me "You might not want to hear this, I have no idea of how you are feeling with what you are going through" I broke down and heard myself say that "I am only here because of all of them". they asked me about my older son once younger son had left, they were shocked and horrified. my sister said who is his gp now? who is checking his medication now? noone, noone, who knows where he is living, himself and friend he is living with. has he contacted you? no reply to several missed phone calls and text messages.

when we got home i opened up my phone and looked at messages, his page was open and i saw the words. "hope you are safe well and happy love mum". i went into immediate exhilaration mood. when i checked again and read back further i realised that was my last message to him, marked undeliverable.

i was beside myself with grief. i now know that he does not use that phone. so his dad and i have no contact with him whatsoever. he rings his father when he wants something - no caller id.