Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[PeppiPatty]

I only think you can answer.".....
can you think."......
what 'structure,' has he learnt from you??

for instance; let's think of a film where a man needs his woman to give him ideas how to live......
Let's think of the common story.......something like , 'As Good As It Gets,' starring Jack Nicholson.
in the film, he is a famous novelist who is extremely rude to everyone he meets plus he is struggling with a 'disorder,' that hehalf heatedly tries to get help with. but he only starts taking medication, once he realises a woman acted by Helen Hunt is showing a slight interest in him.

in your relationship. Can you think of times where also your husband has shown he needs or he is showing improvement evens utterly because of you? it could be something little like Jack Nicholson getting to a stage where he doesn't have to avoid the cracks on the pavement.

[MrsC]

I think you might be on the right track - I'm not sure how to put it in words. Why does he call me controlling & that I don't listen,when I basically do everything he's quite controlling, now that I have gone thru it with the psycologist.

[MrsC]

I know his friends think I'm the best thing that happened to him & his rage has been much less since I have been around. I didn't know he had rage before we married 4 yrs.

[PeppiPatty]

It's up to you to accept the his defensive cries.
How can you grow from his silliness ? Ide personally can think of calling you controlling too as a defence if I was doing what he's done.
I'm amazed by your strength.

What did Jack Nicholson do in that film. He kept on and will keep on making mistakes......

[PeppiPatty]

Please stay humble.
But maybe you can pop in your lunch box little incidences where you can remember / see you have had a good influence on him.

For instance, if I remember from that film.......from the admiration of Helen Hunt, Jack Nicholson, tries to make himself into a more decent man. He also opens his eyes and sees the world in a different way and accepts Greg .............. As his friend. What can you think?
Did you know it's the woman who leads the relationship.

How can you keep moving and be a better person in your dilemmas ?

[MrsC]

Thanks for the great idea justanother 47yr, instead of putting the comfort in my lunch box I've put in a txt to himself (this could be a great idea in getting him to trust history when hes not sure what to believe - thank you xxx)! We certainly have some behaviour and conflict avoidance to deal with, fortunately we have a great psychologist. I can hang in there until he is much better & see what we can do with those, after that i'll decide what i'm prepared to live with. I feel his journey is going to be a lifetime one, whereas he currently speaks about a 6-12 month journey.

[PeppiPatty]

I personally felt very insecure when I began sending you texts. So very happy iyou understood where I was coming from.
I always think that when having problems remember the good times.
I don't know though.

It feels like you had temporarily forgotten your role in the relationship.....anyone would though. This is okay. .
You sound warm and caring

And I'm always interested in hearing how your managing it.

[MrsC]

Thanks for the compliments! My first role is to get him, diagnosed by an expert not Gp & the right drug at the right dose. Finding it hard to settle petal until we get at least the first achieved! Altho I'm better than i was!

[MaryAnn]

Your acceptance quote is soooo timely. After a few relatively normal weeks (after 10 years of hell) it has started all over again. I can;t believe it, but i'll just keep reminding myself of the quote - which was what enticed me onto this page. Thank you.

[PeppiPatty]

hi Mrs C,
how are you?