Lived Experience Forum

[Former-Member]

@eth 

Late diagnosis seems to be a really big problem.

Ill bet it would have totally freaked u out that diagnosis.

I discovered highs & lows & this mixed state whilst meditating daily then confronted the psychiatrist id been seeing for over a yr weekly. What the hell is this i remember saying. 

I remember after a piano lesson where q's just kept popping into my head. Poor teacher i couldnt stop walking after the lesson. Couldnt stop to eat. Then i was so wrestless at home legs were twitching i couldnt lie still etc

Thats minor compared to bipolar 1.

I recall singing in a home yrs ago & there was a lady with bipolar off meds for some reason. She was rambling on about her abusive past. I related so much to what she was saying. Others just said just ignore her but it made sense what she was saying to me.

Think u have a much better chance of recovery & management if youre diagnosed early but few seem to be

[eth]

Sorry I vanished @Former-Member and @Shaz51  was on the phone with my sister for over 2 hours.  Hope the evening is peaceful and you're not too stirred up from remembering.  Sending s

[Former-Member]

@eth 

Totally fine

Fascinates me how much we have in common tho

Enjoy ur evening

[Former-Member]

@eth 

My last EMDR session shed light on why i have huge fears with earning $ to provide for myself. It was very insightful.

Dont know how to change it however its only early days & some insight to where it stems from was helpful

My first jobs

[eth]

Hi and good morning @Former-Member  your last post seems to be incomplete.  Did you mean to say more about your first jobs?

[Former-Member]

@eth 

No as i did the EMDR my mind took me back to a string of bad jobs. Where i had terribly bad bosses that i had to get away from. One i had to take long lunch hrs to get sacked to get dole so i had an income that really freaked me out. Parents wouldnt support me til i got another job.

It was a terrible run that led to me first taking too many pills & this is where my fears about $ & providing for myself come from. Its not that im a lazy worker rather i attracted such bad people.

These days im learning to file complaints about people triggering me.

My parents didnt teach me to speak out rather just put up with it. U cant tho if its unsafe

[Former-Member]

@eth 

So my fears r all cause of what people did to me.

I have incredible fears of people

Why i lived iscolated for soooooo many yrs & totally withdrew

Cause everyone triggered me off & i had no help or right meds. Actually made things worse.

Gosh i had a useless psychiatrist back then. 

[eth]

Hi @Former-Member  hearing you about the past.  From where I'm at you seem to be doing much much better these days.

[Former-Member]

@eth 

Yeah my lesson was definitely about speaking out from being silenced as a kid.

Im loads less triggered these days

[Former-Member]

@eth 

@Shaz51 

@Gazza75 

@saturnzoon 

@oceangirl 

@Maggie 

Nice to meet u oceangirl. Luv the name.

Today i had an EMDR session on my army jail experience.

I didnt remember much more. Think it made me c how traumatized i was within a short time in there. I really struggled eating & by the time i lay on the hard bed i was completely exhausted.

I was definitely in shock when i came out & i lost my voice being in there. Power to speak out.

He had to wave his stick vertically to lower my emotions as i wasnt coming fully back. Its amazing i was so disconnected from my body. Very light headed & my feet were off the ground. My hands were tingling. Id been panting for air for quite some time.

I feel a bit spaced out now. Not upset tho.

Just needing to rest up cause it was pretty draining this one.

Really proved to me how severely it did affect me tho. When i was in there i didnt know how long id been in there. My mind is a complete blank for the 7days charge after it. I had snippets of memories inside but i felt how i felt in there. Like exhausted couldnt speak struggling to eat. 

Very sad to think i was only 19 & that it was a mistake.