Lived Experience Forum

[Former-Member]

@saturnzoon 

Personally i dont think these other methods would work.

This is just my belief tho.

Teaching me to stop & think oh this isnt really something i should be getting upset over.

From my experiences the emotions hit my so god damn fast i havent got a chance to think. Im in that state so fast & its so intense.

I really do think that mine at least is only going to lessen with the EMDR so i can then remain calmer & think thru whats going on.

I keep coming back to fact that its all trauma with me & that i need to get rid of the emotions connected to the trauma in my past to then stop me from getting triggered & back in that same emotional state in present time.

I went to a therapist that did dbt & she triggered me off first day!!!!!!

She was a total control freak lol

Such an ego thinking she knew how to fix me. She was so against me doing the EMDR that she triggered me.

Fancy that hey so i went to EMDR & the emotions were lessor in only 2 sessions. 

Anyway thats my experience & everyone differs but i do think u have to get help with bpd.

I just wish id had this EMDR yrs ago. Could of had my life back but hey i couldnt afford it so its just my time now i guess

[eth]

Yeah @Former-Member  I get it.  Complex PTSD and then the flight states triggering bipolar 1 mania and even psychosis at times kept me running for many years too.  When I wrote my trauma history (psychologist at the time wanted 6 lines on a form!) it took me 14 pages and even that wasn't going into any details of the traumatic events in my history.  But having done it has proved really helpful as I was able to give it to my new psychologist (the one I now do EMDR with and have been seeing for 2 years) and it really helped her to see what we needed to cover doing the trauma mapping.  And since starting EMDR other things that have re-traumatised me have been coming to light also.  The memory is so affected by traumatic experiences.  Works in different ways.  It's a topic that fascinates me.  Traumata by Meera Atkinson is a very good book that covers this as well as many other issues around trauma.  I did a writing workshop with her earlier this year.  About writing trauma.  You might find her book interesting and helpful to understand some of what you are still going through so many years later.  Take care.

[Former-Member]

@eth 

Yeah i find it totally fascinating too.

Guess i was lucky cause i wrote my memoirs

Wrote story of stillborn

Then wrote story of army trauma

Then to prevent having to retell my story to yet another trial psychologist i actually wrote out the traumas in dot form.

Without even realising that i was preparing myself for the EMDR.

I just got triggered talking about stuff & got sick of it & didnt want to talk anymore. Sometimes it felt like it was just to entertain them. I got nothing from it.

Whereas writing it down is so much better!!!!!

Think u have to experience that EMDR to realise how much easier it is & to experience that it works.

Its got me totally hooked.

Ill write down the name of the book. After ive done my course ill look into it.

I got this reinventing your life book which is all dbt.

I only read a bit & realised i fell into a rediculous amt of schemas. I really felt it was the long way & still wasnt going to rid the emotional reactions.

No wonder bpd people r often diagnosed with bipolar 2 because when we get triggered we also swing into the highs & lows. 

Im pos i was high when i first moved here. My brain was racing & i had nightmares & was waking in fight flight state. My ex fiance got my messages & he said ur like a machine.

I couldnt slow down & couldnt sleep. Was horrible & scary too. Even my son was saying u need to slow down mum ur going too fast. He recognised it.

I find it very interesting how traumas are linked!   When that comes up in the EMDR it really is fascinating.

I think it supersedes all other methods by far

Im not going to bother with dbt i dont think at all

Over the yrs theres been so many different ones pop up. Think theyre just providing psychologist with an income.

Glad u got the moving as its often hard to explain in conversation why i lived in so many places.

When u have a complex past it makes forming friends very hard i find.

[eth]

@Former-Member  I also share the experience of having a stillborn baby.  Mine was delivered on Australia Day so the anniversary is hard to miss.  I boycott the world on that day every year.  He would have been 23 this year and it still affects me sometimes.  Grief is another tricky beast, rears its head even after so long.  Some things change us forever.

Diagnosis of bipolar 1 didn't come until I was 46 years old, tho' I think I've had it since in my teens.  It was very confronting to receive the diagnosis but made it possible to learn to manage it better, identify triggers etc and also to get on the right meds and away from the wrong ones that I was having adverse response to.

[Shaz51]

ohhh sending you lots of love and hugs @Former-Member , @eth 

my mum experienced  having a stillborn baby.-- my little brother

[eth]

 @Shaz51   Yes it definitely affects my adult child to this day also.  

[Shaz51]

yes me too my @eth 

[Former-Member]

@Shaz51 

I grieved well at the time so am able to talk about it easily.

Its very horrific.

Some say once uv experienced that u cope with anything.

I didnt even know it existed til it happened to me.

The nurses r brilliant with it these days tho. Amazing they are.

I lived in Tassie & met this lady right & something i said must have let her open up. She had 2 in a row & never grieved. So she opened up with me.

Her mother in law got rid of all the baby items before she got out of hosp & just said u need to forget about this cause uv got other kids. I couldnt get over it. Poor lady. So shed never let herself grieve. The pain was bottled up inside her.

Grieving is sooooo important at your own pace hey.

[Shaz51]

hugs and love @Former-Member 

[Former-Member]

@eth 

Its a real biggy tho that one.

Its a massive shock.

Ill never forget that experience.

However only reason why i have my son now as i never had any desire for kids

Even after id grieved & moved on i thought i was ok without a child then bang out of nowhere i started to hear a baby crying. Hit me really hard & i realised then i wanted a child.

Strange hey