Lived Experience Forum

[alertbattle]

I have never posted in a group like this before, or ever reached out for help before. 

yesterday morning after being ignored for 5 days by the guy I’ve been seeing for the last 8 months, he deleted me with no contact, no explanation. He told me he’d call me last night and we’d talk but I didn’t hear from him.

This man is my supervisor at work. There is 8 years between us, him being older. I feel defected, abandoned & worthless. Like I’m not even work an “it’s not working anymore” message. 

This isn’t the first time he’s ignored me, it’s been an ongoing thing since we started. He has triggered my anxiety into new levels that I’ve never experienced before. And I still stupidly miss him. I just don’t understand what I did wrong and why he’s done this. 

i am absolutely broken.

[FloatingFeather]

Hi @alertbattle, 

Welcome to the Forums. My name is FloatingFeather an I am one of the peer support workers at SANE. You have found a safe place where you can share your story and your feelings in an anonymous space. I'm really glad you have reached out for support and understand it can be a bit confronting at first but I'm sure you will find there are many warm people on the forums with a lot of lived experience.

When I was reading your post I really felt for you. What you are going through cannot be easy and I would imagine you may feel vulnerable in this relationship. It's never a nice feeling when someone in a relationship stops it abruptly, particularly with no (limited) explanation. It would also be difficult with him being your work supervisor - does this mean you will still have to see him on a daily basis?

From what you write, he seems very dismissive and cold in relation to the way he has stopped communicating with you. I can understand why your anxiety has kicked in. The fact that he has done this before is a little concerning - it's never a nice feeling to be picked up and put down by another person. I would think you at least deserve to know why he has done this and be given the right of reply.

A very good friend of mine was married for 30 years and then her husband left her for another woman. I think one of the main things that caused her pain was the fact that he made a decision on their behalf and didn't consult her about it. So I can understand somewhat how you are feeling.

I really do hope you can get some answers to your questions from him. If you feel like your anxiety is getting too much I would encourage you to reach out to your GP, a trusted friend or family member for support. Somethings are too much to take on by yourself.

Warm wishes,

FloatingFeather

PS. On an aside, if you want to directly chat with someone on the Forums use the @ symbol and then start typing their name directly after it. A dropdown box should appear, and you then select their name. This ensures that they are notified of any posts you mention them in.

[alertbattle]

Thank you for replying @FloatingFeather 

I have felt vulnerable throughout the whole relationship - even though it was never official. at the start he was sweet and chased me then he begun to leave me on read, getting cranky at me if I said something to piss him off, that’s what would normally trigger him to start ignoring me. most days Yes I’ll have to see him at some point. 

This man has four kids, that I was very much willing to accept. Even though I have none of my own. i would have moved mountains for him. He has flaws, but he was absolutely perfect in my eyes. He always promised that if we were going to cut contact we’d talk about it first and he would never ghost me. 

i have just started to take my anxiety medication again, so hopefully they helps slow down that. 

[FloatingFeather]

It sounds like a bit of a power imbalance @alertbattle.  Love can be a weird old thing, it can be so lovely but it can also cause a lot of pain. Some people still ask my friend that was married for 30 years and then her husband left how she can still love him a little. I guess for some it's easier to switch off than others.

I hope your anxiety medication helps you feel a bit calmer. Keep reaching out for support - we are here for you anytime. 

Please take care - I really hope things get better for you soon.

Warm regards,

FloatingFeather

[AussieRecharger]

Hey @alertbattle 

Thiers a couple of red flags in your writing and I think it would be good for you to reach out and get some proper support. Relationships can be very hard but fitting one in where it affects your work and financial prospects is taking it to another level.  

Have you got someone you trust you can call up and have a chat too and let them know how you are feeling?

[TuxedoCat]

hey there @alertbattle, thank you for sharing what's happened to you. Welcome to the forums and well done for reaching out for support for the first time ❤️ 

It's understandable that you're feeling anxious and broken given everything that has happened to you. I was in a relationship like this once and it had the same impact on me. I was completely in love with him and he did a lot of the same things: getting cranky when I did or said things he didn't like, ignoring me or  giving me the "could shoulder" when he didn't get his way. He did it as a way of making me feel small. Even if he don't know that he was doing that. And maybe it's a little different for you, but I can see the pain this relationship is causing you and that's not fair.  

From this post, it looks like you've made some great decisions for your mental health which is really awesome to hear ❤️  and like @AussieRecharger said, do you have anyone you could call or speak to about this? If you like, here are some places you could call? 

• SANE Drop-in line: 1800 197 263 
• Relationships Australia
• Your GP

Welcome again ❤️ 

TuxedoCat

[Former-Member]

I'm sorry for what's happening, I hope you find understanding and some peace. All I can advise is try not to feel responsible or bad for missing him or seeing him as perfect. I know how that feels at least, for my guy I'd walk in front of a bus to protect him and he won't talk to me right now. It's different and complicated but I have learnt that feeling awful for feeling love, missing them, or being uncertain is totally human. You hold your head up high, cry when you need to, do what you need to get through, be unashamed to hurt and don't feel bad for feeling. Love is a brutal thing and only a heartless being would expect you to not react. All the best with your situation. Take care.