Lived Experience Forum

[Powderfinger]

@TideisTurning 

I feel so alone still. It's like I am the only one that knows this horrific truth. It changes you completely and you are never the same again. 

[Powderfinger]

@Corny 

I'm truly broken. It's a statement people try refute for me. I knew about NPD before meeting her. Unfortunately to give a narcissist an official diagnosis is like trying to locate a needle in a haystack. Without that one can only say I believe they are a narcissist. I have looked up and read about pathological lying. It truly hits the mark. 

I don't really give a damn about social pressure. Society can mind their own business. Yes, lying about DV makes it so much harder for the victim and I am immensely angry and very depressed. @Corny 

I received the transcript of proceedings yesterday. This is from her appearing in court for her FVRO application on me. It is 14 pages. 

I didn't want to read it. Reading the affidavit, ringing out evidence and writing about my side, the truth was hard. The whole affidavit was lies. I was expecting it, but it didn't change that I still felt shock and other emotions. No lawyer yet, do had to do legal work on my own. 

Then I had a 1 hour free appointment with legal aid yesterday afternoon so had to read the transcript of proceedings even though I didn't want to. After reading it, I went very very low. The whole 14 pages are lies. It was like reading a story about a character I did not know. (me) Literally stories created that are fiction. Distorted truths and lies to make her look like a victim and me a monster. 

You can expectbthis but nothing can prepare you for that. I do not even want my friend to read it. I'm finding it hard to manage myself. The accusations are horrific, damaging to me and even damaging to her work. In other words serious perjury and lying under oath knowingly. That is a criminal offence. 

In the transcript, the judge asks her, this is not a titt for tatt situation is it? 

I could tell through reading it that the judge was not wanting to grant it. He said twice that it was very marginal. He reprimanded her twice. I have the evidence to show she has lied under oath. 

I also made an official complaint about one of the court registers staff for how she treated me when I spoke about being concerned for my safety on the day of court. There is no seperate room to sit and wait. You're in the same room as each other. Nope not going to happen for me ever. 

So, the lady was rude, dismissive, insensitive and acted like I was an inconvenience and damn insensitive. I wanted to give her a serving but I had no energy or strength. So I made an official complaint about her conduct and treatment. I'll hear back within 10 days. 

She us dumb but not dumb when it comes to doing what she has done. I can tell she has done this all before. Have proof of it too. 

The move is definite I'm not staying here. That's 200% going to happen. Not Sydney though. Don't want to love in Sydney. I have a few times now. 

Thanks for writing @Corny 

[Corny]

Maybe people see you as a strong person @Powderfinger and don't believe you are broken because they love you and don't want you to give up. 

They probably don't want her to win either, and get away with this.

I understand what you mean by they are dumb, but not dumb. The speed at which the lies, manipulation and control is placed on you can be giddying, but I think she still seems powerful to you because you haven't had any legal finalisation yet. In the future you will see how weak she really is. Controlling people like this wake up one day with zero friends, and scratch their heads wondering why. She will squeeze her kids tighter and tighter when she sees she has no one left, but that is not your problem. 

I don't know how the legal system works in this situation, if her medical records can be accessed by your lawyer etc, but you could say that her behaviour is consistent with a Personality Disorder coupled with abuse, and that she is dangerous. I think you also mentioned she has problems with addiction and shady financials......maybe all of this together would go in your favour. I am not sure. Maybe the AFP are already onto her, lets hope they are, they can access everything, no such thing as privacy. 

It sounds like the judge was sceptical if it was legit, and was suss it was her wanting to get back at you. Not very smart to damage the company she worked for, she better hope she has legit evidence for this because comany's can have a lot of cash behind them with powerful legal teams. They could sue for some form of corporate defamation. 

You said you think she has done this before, she does sound like a fraud and a phony. If she ever runs out of money, she will try and claw you back. She's the sort of person that could have you in bankruptcy if you're not careful.

So glad a move is on the cards, and maybe you and your best bud could go on a holiday over seas soon, in the new year. It would be lovely to get away. When you get back if you are settled and could give them the time for a great life, you could get a pup 

[BlueBay]

Hugs @Powderfinger  hope today is a better day for you xxx

[Powderfinger]

@Corny 

Perhaps people see me as strong because it is very rare I break down in front of anyone. Scared to be vulnerable. A troublesome belief system in my life I believe. A hard childhood is where it all started for most people whom share this issue. 

I ask myself what really is true winning for me. Her idea of winning is not a very nice version. It's just basically more abuse. Power, control, revenge, vindictive. In her mind there is winners and losers. Not in mine. 

Well, what is not in my control is her own stupidity and many other things. It's all her choice to be who she is. The lies, manipulation, control and so on only get worse, not better. 

The thing is she has already exploited herself. It's absolutely sickening. I don't know how others would see it if they read the affidavit and transcript of proceedings. I guess much more personal to me because I was the one in the relationship and I know the truth from the lies. I find it astounding to believe that she could lie so elaborately yet not stop to consider that there is evidence of her lies. I guess her control, revenge, abusive tactics and hate are more important than seeing any sense. 

At this stage, I don't know. I don't have a lawyer yet. I've been getting free help from lawyers wherever I can. It's been really hard. I do know now though that when a person lies under oath in an affidavit and in court, it is up to the judge to decide what to do about it. It is though a criminal offence. It is up to the judge to decide the penalty. If the judge decides to refer it to the police, then I can go ahead and press charges. 

Reading the transcript a few times now, it seems to me the judge was getting annoyed with her. There were a few times in the transcript. I got the impression the judge felt like she was wasting his time. He got annoyed with her a few times. 

When I went for my FVRO, I basically sat down and was out of the courtroom in less than ten minutes. The judge was nice to me and smiled at me when I was leaving. I guess they can tell a good person from a shit asshole. 

I have the evidence regarding her work allegation that it is false. I rang her work today. I said at this point I am remaining anonymous but I want to speak to the manager. I made it clear to the person I was speaking to on the phone that this was a legal matter and that one of their staff has made an accusation about me that involves their company. I can supboena them as witnesses or even subpoena documents. I told the person this is a serious matter. 

Have not heard back from the manager yet. 

I'll make something very clear. There is absolutely no possibility of her ever being able to claw me back in. Never going to happen. 

I'm finding it hard to think about a move and a holiday etc. I'm trying to sort my mess of a life and myself out. That's hard enough. I do however think of things when my mind has room. 

[Powderfinger]

@BlueBay Thank you. I hope you had a good day. 

[Corny]

Yes it does take time to sort out @Powderfinger . I hope that you can see your best bud as much as possible and that next year has you on the beach somewhere.

You seem very socially isolated which is not surprising. People with NPD have very volatile relationships and end up blowing them all up one way or another, or simply scaring people away very early on because they are so aggressive and hot headed. An unattractive and ugly trait where the evidence is in people voting with their feet and running or staying away. It's human instinct to bolt and not go near them. Not easy for the little kids, adolescents and partners left in the house with them, you feel very abandoned by everyone on the planet.

Even doctors and nurses give up with severe NPD's, they refuse to work with them because it feels so futile given they are dealing with a developmental disorder & the patient argues back, doesn't attend treatment and prefers to retreat back to the family home where they have all the power and control over everyone inside of it. Medication can't miraculously reconfigure brain structure. I felt abandoned but validated when health professionals reacted to my father that way, like, hell, we aren't imagining it, he really is that bad! I hope that her previous place of employment and the judge take you seriously, and don't just dismiss her behaviour and actions because it is all just too hard and they want to get rid of her as quickly as possible. I wonder if they would place her on a mandatory mental health order? 

It's good to hear that you won't let her claw you back in and love bomb you or take advantage of your SAD which would be very easy for her to do. If she breaks up with this bloke she's seeing my guess is she would use SI to reel you back in, very common in DV, especially if she runs out of money and you have been her ATM. She seems to have treated you like a bank. Expecting you to take on jobs to pay for her children's needs, she doesn't even have the capacity to love them, which proves its not personal P, its built in, she is the same with everyone, even her flesh and blood. If you'd stayed together long enough she'd have you paying and caring for her elderly parents if she has any. 

I am just glad that its all come to a head and the relationship is over now and not 20 years from now, it would be so depressing and soul destroying to grow old with someone like that. Corny 

[Powderfinger]

@Corny 

Went through the court transcript last night and marked the lies with a highlighter. When done, I counted the lies. 44 times she lied in court under oath. She in big trouble. Disgusting really. 

[Corny]

Its very embarrassing @Powderfinger , my father displayed mortifying behaviour. 

But as I have said before, she thinks she is getting revenge but she is only revealing her true mental health diagnosis, people will see that, they may say nothing because they are scared she will hit them, literally! Or threaten worse. She is off the reservation as my sib would say. Hey, I've been mad, but this is a different kind of mad. Corny

[Powderfinger]

@Corny 

What I think is that I have already won in so many ways. 

1. I left her

2. I always told the truth about everything, even in court. I don't have to live with lies on my conscience'

3. I am 20.000 times more beautiful that she will ever be able to be

4. She can never be free from her own evil and unhappiness. Her destiny is a shit life of misery and pain. She will make herself sick from the inside out. 

5. My revenge is being honest, honesty pays. Crime and lies do not.

6. She has broken me in places that can never come back again, however I can reinvent myself. There is NO HOPE for her

7. She can never ever see me again nor be with me again and that is going to eat her up inside for the rest of her life. Not me though. 

8. The court is going to find out she lied under oath and it will be up to them how they will deal with it, It is a criminal offence. I do not care how they deal with it, deal with it. 

9. She thinks she is dealing with a dumb person but she does not understand how powerful I am

10. Watch this space.....