Thank you @Mazarita It makes a difference to have these little cypber chats. As a single mum have been isolated for long time.
I really dont want a counsellor any more.
I have gained a lot from the long and short interactions on the site so far.
I like @PeppiPatty bad spelling and apologies for not being professional. She is caring and insightful and has obviously read lot of different things. We all have typos. The word she wanted to know before was incredulity.
I am totally over the professional thing, I got bits of paper floating all over the place.
When I applied to do my postgrad dip at a certain university which we will not name. The interviewer noted that my undergrad transcript missed a couple of years Ie I started uni at 23 not 18, and did it part time over 9 years, while working or having kids. She put me to the back of the class and I was only allowed to do the Cert IV in Counselling. I am so bloody compliant I accepted it, but the teacher did not really like me either, so a few times I went to the hairdressers in the same building instead of to class, but did the work and handed all my work in. I still run into the lady I did my interview techniques with at my local supermarket. i was upset as the teacher did like to play moral games and divide and conquer to get a laugh, which was a bit of an abuse of her position teaching COUNSELLING. I had come from a generally better regarded uni, which we also will not name, so i discovered academic politics. At end of counselling course a passing lecturer apologised and explained to me some of dramas within the department.
I was very isolated apart from piano students and not online at home at the time, I know I have applied counselling skills to my students and all I meet in daily life so it is not wasted. I never see things in black and white. Then I enrolled back at my old uni and did Creative Writing postgrad diploma part-time. I am probably OCD in following things through, but not a clean freak in domestics. Now I know lots of academics in the general community just beause of my interests. I feel some sense of security in my disability pension.They respect me for how I present. I am not too too weird. I dont have to get into funding or 'whose the smartest' competitions.
I just look after my son and me, now.
So much for "minimal encouragers".
One last thing; when kids were little and we were in counselling sessions my schizophrenic hubbie liked to play oneupmanship games with the lovely pediatrics psychiatrist who was trying to help him and us. The doctor had forgone a higher income in the private sector to work in free public facility. Bloody rivalrous blokes. Boys will be boys.
I just tell my stories and hope some part of them can inspire people when they think their chips are down. I have a big grief burden. Laying it on the table helps me feel less alone.
