Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Shaz51]

reassure Mum that his doc is monitoring   -- yes this will be ongoing my @Former-Member as mum is starting to forget things slowly xxx

[Jacques]

oh @Shaz51  im so sorry to hear you are going through a tough time at the moment, it sounds like Mr Shaz is very embarressed which a lot of men are. it is a shame they can't put ther pride and embaressment aside for a moment to make sure they are ok. does he have a doctor he trusts and has seen a long time? maybe he could speak to them about the test and what is his concerns regarding it?

[Shaz51]

yes @Jacques , maybe mr shaz will have another checkup in 2020

how are you my awesome friend xxxx

[Jacques]

Hi @Shaz51 my beautiful friend. I'm OK, it is very very hot here, so just trying to keep cool. My partner is unwell so I'm trying to care for her as best I can

[Former-Member]

Dearest @Shaz51  ... hello and hugs to you too.  Nice to have you home again.

5 nights away is not such a long time, little wonder you arent really ready to go back to work yet. Still ... you have a couple more days off still.

Sorry to hear you've had bad news about your uncle (your mums brother).  Is your Mum the eldest sibling?

I guess hearing bad news about her brother has brought up her own mortality.  Made her feel vulnerable again.  

Understandable in a way, especially if she has lost a lot of other family members/friends/etc.  It gets hard indeed if you are the last one left.

Such a shame that Mr Shaz takes your Mums concern for his health so badly.  Does he not realise that she is simply concerned about him, and doesnt want him to be taking risks that a simple annual check can take away?  Your Mum is right of course .. he should be having annual checkups.  I guess his reaction is an indication that he is concerned about things himself.  Perhaps he has been having some concerning symptoms which he has not told you about?  As for leaving if your Mum doesnt cease and desist ... argh.  Really?  You are right of course .. if he leaves, its because he wants to.

Anyway Shaz ... how are you?  

Sherry 💕

[Owlunar]

Hi @Shaz51 

It seems I am catching up quickly - Mr Shaz wants to leave if your Mum keeps on - okay - you are right - if he wants to leave he can leave 

Will you be okay about that?

Actually I do understand your Mum - I really feel that she feels she has had enough and she's exhausted - and of course you are worried - I've been through that and although I could see how exhausted my father was he needed to go and as a man of faith he went gently - some people fight it though - and we all have to go at some stage

But it's a worry for you - that I know from you and from my own life - but there is nothing we can do but wait

And bully for Mr Shaz' mum saying nothing about his prostate (I had to look that up to make sure I had the right word) - she probably knows how itchy Mr Shaz is about this stuff

But as your second Mum I am more concerned about you - Mr Shaz can be really childish and you don't need all of this with your Mum fading - I am with you in spirit

Caring heaps

Dec

[Shaz51]

yes it was nice to get away for a week , it was really nice to just look around , drive around and take photos

mr shaz enjoyed it soo much that he wants to retire as you know @Owlunar , @Maggie , @Former-Member , @Jacques , @Former-Member , @outlander , @greenpea , @Smc , @Determined 

I think our problems is mr shaz  continueing changing  his mind , daily which is hard for me to pick the best decision and to try to stick to it and carry it out

and also with my mum

[Owlunar]

Hi @Shaz51 

I would find it very hard to have someone chopping and changing their mind about important decisions - I guess Mr Shaz has to face his anxiety and being firm about a choice in his mind would cause his anxiety to escalate - I really can't imagine

But if you want to retire then that's something you can be sure about and if this is the case then present the idea to Mr Shaz as something you really need for your health - it must be stressful working when you are battling physically - and having Mr Shaz wanting this, changing his mind, wanting that, changing his mind - ah - that would get to me - not knowing what was in the wind when I woke up every morning

I like my life alone - I only have to plan for myself which is not always easy but at least that's all I have to be concerned about

With your Mum - yes - she does seem pretty firm that she wants to stay at home and equally firm she only wants your help - I guess it depends on how much you can do for her but if you didn't have to do the extra work cleaning and gardening for other people you could concentrate on helping her

I really feel for the old lady - I would want to stay in my home until the end too - but I have help from an agency and the council - it does have its drawbacks but the work gets done and it is company for a short time as well

I listen to you Shaz and know you are caught in the middle a lot of the time and this has to be hard to manage at times

All the best with these decisions - I hope Mr Shaz can retire - it would be soooo much easier for you

Hearing you

Dec

[Shaz51]

thank you my second mum for your reply @Owlunar 

I think the biggest thing is that i was single for a lonnnngggg time until I got married at 43

so I had lots of years about myself xx

about retiring , I am thinking I need some work to be able to socialize with others during the week or else i would become isolated which is not good , maybe just cutting back might be the way to go

now again mr shaz says things, he does take what people say to much to heart

and mum, she is going along fine, it is 11 months now that she broke her hip , still has lots of pains and is tired all the time

with me , I had blood tests done and have a scan on tuesday to see what is going on , soo will let you know the results

@Former-Member, @Jacques , @Former-Member , @Appleblossom , @outlander , @greenpea , @Determined  @Smc 

[Shaz51]

that is a good question @Owlunar , @Former-Member , but i don`t think mr shaz will ever leave

@Former-Memberbetween my grandparents -- in all they had 8 children --- the oldest is now 92 and the youngest is 72

there is still 5 here living , mum is 88

soo much is going on , trying not to say too much to mr shaz as he is forgetting things and mum rang me to ask how my scan went which is on on tuesday this week

so it has been mentally hard to tell mum and mr shaz what is happening

@Jacques, @Former-Member , @Appleblossom , @outlander