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Something’s not right

Senior Contributor

Intimately Isolated

So yeah. I’m 43, and have never been in a relationship. And at no point in my life have I ever experienced and shared anything intimate or affectionate. For most of my life, it has always been made fun of, been a source of bullying. I’ve been told that nobody will ever want to touch me, unless I go and pay them to. Also been told many, many times that any thought of anything intimate or affectionate with me is foul and disgusting, and that I should be ashamed to ever think or want anyone to be with me. 


I don’t have any friends, so there is nobody to go out with, nobody to talk with about any of this. Even trying to talk to therapists about it, they just either change the subject, or again, just tell me to go and pay for any type of affection, even just to hug someone or hold hands. 


I’ve tried a lot of dating sites and apps, all the major ones, and at least 10 this year alone, but none of them ever work. No messages, no replies to any messages I send, no chats. Nothing. I don’t meet people, no matter where I go and try to get involved in. Groups and classes, hobbies, volunteering, work. All have come up empty. I have been online since 1995 and don’t even have any online friends, let alone found any relationships.


Just don’t know what to do anymore. It is going beyond being frustrating, and is becoming quite distressing. Yesterday after work I had a panic attack at the gym. I just don’t know what to do and where to go. Putting myself “out there” just doesn’t work when nobody notices or is interested. It actually hurts when I see a couple holding hands or hugging or kissing, because it just feels like it will never happen to me. 


Re: Intimately Isolated

@JosRapp  Hey JosRapp how are you going this morning Smiley Happy. You are not alone my friend many people feel this way. You have friends on Sane forum. You can count on us to be there to listen or give advice whatever you feel comfortable with. 


Just don't give up there is a partner waiting for you out there in a similar position as you. You just have to have faith and keep trying. peaxxx

Re: Intimately Isolated

Hi @greenpea 


Not doing so good today really. Wish I had faith that it will happen, but, when I was younger I did but I’m not sure any more. Stocks of hope are very, very low. I just don’t know what else to do and try anymore, and there isn’t really anyone to talk with, let alone go out with. The last couple of days have been not wanting to go to work, and then not wanting to come home, and lots and lots of tears because it feels like this will never end, expect for being more alone. Maybe it would be OK if I was at least meeting people somewhere, somehow. But I don’t know where to try anymore, and I am so tired of trying on my own. 


Re: Intimately Isolated

@JosRapp  Hey JosRapp well you are not alone any longer you have the Sane family here to keep you company. Work is important as it keeps you socialising even to a limited extent. What sports are you interested in?

Re: Intimately Isolated

@greenpea I like watching Rugby League, and listening to Soccer (although I find 8 can’t watch it), and I do Ten-Pin Bowling. 

Re: Intimately Isolated

@JosRapp  Ahhh what Rugby League team do you barrack for? I go for the Eels? My dad when he was alive used to go for the Sea Eagles. We used to love watching them play agaist each other. This was in the 1980s when their games were epicSmiley Happy.


I like soccer too:0. Why cant you watch it? Is it too exciting and over stimulating with the crowds etc. Ten Pin bowling is fun too.


@Zoe7  loves AFL and @Hamsolo01  likes bike racing and is often up all night watching Smiley Happy. Zoe7 and Hamsolo01 meet JosRapp. He is new and needs help around for forumSmiley Happy

Re: Intimately Isolated

@JosRapp  JosRapp I am about to head off for the night. Will be on early tomorrow. Have a kind and caring night. peax

Re: Intimately Isolated

Hi @JosRapp and @greenpea Smiley Very Happy

I am a sport tragic - love AFL, NRL, soccer, tennis in particular but also watch cricket when my team is playing ...and occasionally Australia. There is a sport thread All Things Sport...  you may like to visit. We have occasional discussions on the various sporting events happening and you are most welcome to join in. I support the Eels as well in the NRL, Liverpool in soccer (no local team in Tassie to support) and the Lions in the AFL.

Welcome to the forum @JosRapp Smiley Very Happy

Re: Intimately Isolated

Hey hey @JosRapp

Welcome to the forum. @greenpea here is a great member as are so many here too.

What sort of sports do you like?

Loneliness is such an epidemic in the world these days. Many here deal with it. Modern dating is rigged imo. Have you travelled much? Many people meet new partners and friends when they do that.

@Meowmy @Gazza75 @Ant7 @Angels333 @Shaz51 @Adge @TAB

Meet @JosRapp who is new.

Re: Intimately Isolated

Hi @greenpea and @Zoe7 


I support the Canberra Raiders in the NRL. I’m not from Canberra though, they were just the team I chose when I started following rugby league, I think because, at the time, they had different jerseys than other teams except South Sydney. In soccer I support Liverpool and the Central Coast Mariners (my local team). Not really sure why I can’t watch soccer, I just find it kind of frustrating. But I like to listen to it on the radio, especially the EPL.

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