Lived Experience Forum

[Powderfinger]

@Anastasia @Zoe7 @Peri 

I'm.so.stressed out. After reading all your responses, I decided to send a message to her. 

This is what I said:

I'm texting you this with a very strong emphasis of urgency of my personal feelings and thoughts. I dislike doing texting, but I have no choice so I do what I have to do.

I'm fully aware you have two applications in for places to live and you have said you will come up with something if it doesn't work out. That's all fine.

I think it's time we pick a date that this is going to be finalised for the both of us. I say we because we are in this situation.

You do not need to care about what I'm going through, but I'm going to tell you an extremely mini version. I'm in heavy grief and depression over the end of everything. This is how I live every single day. It will continue for some time after you have left.

I'm saying a date needs to be chosen because I have no way of even coping daily anymore. I'm not made of stone, ice, brick or any other strong material there is.

We are strangers that once knew each other and that was not so long ago. I am grieving. It's as simple as that. I've got multiple losses to contend with plus living like this in this knowing everyday and trying to come to terms with it.

A date needs to be picked. I'm not telling you to go because I'm being unkind, I'm telling you because I can't cope. That's it from me.

I got no response. So, I sent another text. I said:Are you going to respond or am I going to have to pick a date on my own? I just wanted to know what I'm needing to do. 

The response I have been given: I will choose my own date thank you. I will not let you force me out. 

So @Zoe7 that answers your question. @Peri you can hopefully see clearer with what my situation is. 

@Anastasia I gave up trying to figure her out. I simply cannot anymore. 

I've replied to her last text. I said:fine. Pick a date yourself, but I will tell you this. If you eff me around, I will force it whether you go or I go. I do not need this bulls...it I'm totally done. That's what I said. 

I feel angry and stressed. I feel like I have no out. I feel so angry and I am tired if fighting this fight. I'm not a fighter. I hate it. If people insist on fighting with me then I have no choice but to fight. I'm ready to pack my bags and leave. 

[Zoe7]

It seems to me she is playing games with you @Powderfinger She is the one that said she would leave and I understand it can be difficult to find alternative accommodation but you two being in the same house is causing you so much grief and heartache. You have already put yourself out by sleeping in the shed and avoiding her as much as possible while she still has the run of the house. Your landlord is aware of the situation so is there anyway they can intervene here to help you out? You certainly cannot go on 'living' like this because it is destroying you a little more each day. Maybe also you need to ask yourself if this house is worth it or if it is best for you to look for somewhere else yourself. I do know you feel really connected to this house but I also am concerned that ongoing those memories will be there for you if/when she is gone. 

[Peri]

Hi @Powderfinger @Zoe7 @Anastasia ,

yes I understand. It is awful. But I assume the house is in your name only so she is the one who must go.  Don’t be bullied into being the one who goes. Please, move back into the house she won’t like it.  Good on you for the texts they were clear and strong.

is there someone you can call on for help.  I agree with Zoe, try the landlord, get advice from the police. But do not go. You can be held accountable by the landlord for alll costs and she gets to stay there

keep posting

peri

[Anastasia]

Oh @Powderfinger 

I am at a loss as to what to say, I am frustrated for.you, saddened by her lack of empathy.  I feel for you, what a horrible situation and she's not validating or being at all respectful of your needs or feelings. It's not right. 

I echo @Zoe7 , thank you Zoe you are always full of wisdom 🤗

There is no "easy" solution but I do feel if the ball is left in her court there is no sense of urgency. For you Powderfinger there is a serious need for the sense of urgency. I don't need to tell you that at this point in time every minute counts. Wish we could be there to do the work for you. We are there in spirit propping you up, holding your hand xox

Hugs hugs and more hugs xoxo

[Powderfinger]

@Zoe7 

It feels like games to me too. No one likes to admit that someone they once loved so very much has played so mnay games with their mind. It is a shocking and hurtful realisation many times over. I went into denial, sometimes still do. Make excuses and so on. I am getting better at not being in denial and making excuses though. I reached out in text like I did today because she had been nice to me for a two days. I thought that maybe she would come around this time. I was incorrect on that. 

I moved out the shed a week ago now and have been back in the house. I couldnt sleep in the shed anymore. With the heat where I live and the fumes in my shed I could no longer stay in it. 

As for the landlord intervening. I am keeping him out of it. That will just add further stress to the situation. I have considered in this house is actually worth all this. It is not just the connection ot the house @Zoe. There is a really bad shortage of homes here. Its so bad. I see it everyday on my Facebook groups. People struggling to find accommodation. Its not just the shortage, it is also about affordability. Not easy to find decently priced accommodation and if you do, usually there is a lot wrong with it as landords dont take care of their properties. Other affordable housing here is plentiful BUT it is in two undesirable parts of the region. Lots of high crime, domestic violence, drugs and alcohol. Most people avoud those two suburbs. 

As for this house, I am so lucky to have it. It is $400 per week BUT that includes everything. Electricity, Water, Gas and Internet. I have an amazing landlord. With the above situation I described, no I really do not want to give that up. I understand the memories left behind and being concerned about that. I am re decorating the house to the way I want it. She has packed all of her stuff up, so I can do that. 

[Powderfinger]

@Peri  @Anastasia @Zoe7 

The house is in her name. It used to be in both our names. It got changed because I was going to move out BUT we decided to try give it another chance. I didn't go back on the lease though because I just didn't. The thing is she is in a corner. She will not ask me to leave because she cannot afford the rent on her own, not without me. She will not get a flamtmate in like I would, because she does not like sharing with people. So this is why I am staying and she is going. 

I am going to get a flatmate in. I moved out the shed a week ago and I have been back in the house. I am not just going to up and leave the house. 

[Powderfinger]

@Anastasia It is nothing new to me. I have to accept that it is abuse and it is a hard acceptance. I have to accept that the relationship was abusive and toxic. No one wants to see a person they loved deeply in that way. The facts are it is reality and fact. The thing is, she is hurting herself just as much as she is hurting me and has hurt me. 

Clearly she is able to master or mask her own feelings and emotions, to not cry, to not show vunlerbality, to not show hurt or pain, to show nothing most of the time. This is why I dont like at all the whole experience of being treated nicely and then this here, what I have shared. I can tell you it does make me feel like harming myself and I am NOT a self harmer in any way, shape or form. 

I slept for five hours today. I was just so beat in every way. I have managed to get support now. I get support three hours a week with a support worker. They come to my home and we have agreed on various types of supports. I just had the meeting this morning. That is more than what I had before. I had nothing. 

[Peri]

Thanks for the info @Powderfinger .

that does put a different spin on it for me.  I agree don’t give up, but if you really can’t take and decide to go , then going is simpler for you as it is onto in your name, and you can start again. You have said it is not easy to find accomodation in your area so it may take a bit of planning if that is what you decide to do.  

We are here for you 

peri

[Powderfinger]

@Peri 

Thanks. I've also been so tired. More than what is usual.for me. I'll review in another weeks time. Thanks for being there for me. 

[Peri]

Yes @Powderfinger , sleep. Rest

peri