Lived Experience Forum

[Anandarr]

I’m in my early 20s and I have been dealing with mental health issues for several years. I am bipolar. I have difficulty sleeping, I overthink all the time and I am hyper-empathetic. I am currently seeing a therapist and trying to understand my condition and how to manage it. Even though mental health is not a new thing to me, I still struggle with understanding where I start and where it ends. I’m not sure anyone understands me. A lot of the time, I barely understand myself. I have been told that I’m very likeable and capable but I still struggle with self-esteem.

I have always had issues with my parents. I’m still trying to work through them but due to this I moved in with my boyfriend a year and a half ago. We had been dating for a year at that point. Before we dated we were friends and we knew about each others’ issues with mental health. He lives with him mum and so over the time that I stayed there, I started to care about her a great deal as well. I get along great with his friends and family and had occasionally talked about marriage.

Two months ago, he broke up with me out of nowhere. He was diagnosed with depression and anxiety before we met. But he had stopped seeing a therapist and hasn’t seen one since despite me insisting that he does. He says things and takes them back and I don’t know what to believe. At some point during our time together he was very considerate and we were happy. But I’m not sure what to believe anymore. He has a history of drug and alcohol abuse. His friends largely disregard his mental health issues and his family let him get away with anything.

I think that he might be bipolar as well. But I know that I’m not qualified to make those judgements. I just want him to see a therapist and make sense of his drastic changes in mood and mindset. He is experiencing a high right now which confused me because it came out of nowhere. He hates his job and himself. He is still unhappy but at times he will display grandiose delusions.

I don’t necessarily want advice on what to do, I just want to know if anyone else has been through this and how they dealt with it and how it panned out for them. I’m a bit tired of people telling me to give up and let him self-destruct. I don’t know what to do because I don’t even understand the situation.

[marchhare]

Hi Anandarr, it is Marchhare here, one of the forum moderators.

Welcome to the forums. Thank you for your first posting about your mental health and relationship issues. I am sure you will get good support and wise advice from your fellow forum members.

[frog]

Hello @Anandarr you have a lot going on right now. I think you have a lot of insight. I am much older and struggled for decades before being diagnosed bipolar 1. I can really relate to what you're saying about sleep, overthinking and being hyper-empathetic. You sound like a very caring person.

I'm not the best person to offer advice on your situation; I got stuck in a bad marriage and even though I gave it everything my husband cheated, lied and left. I feel for you, and the only thing I would say, is put your own self-care first. It's an important thing to learn. You're young and it will stand you in good stead, whatever's going on. Take care.

[Anandarr]

Thank you @frog you made a hard day slightly more bearable today

[Melancholy]

I'm here for you. ❤️

[Queenie]

Hey there @Anandarr. I live with bipolar type schizoaffective disorder and only in the past few years have been able to recognise highs and lows and mixed states for what they are. It has taken some time to gain this insight.

I use this word 'insight' as I believe it is a great thing when it comes to living with a mental health condition. Without insight our lives could easily be chaotic and often with catastrophic effects on relationships. 

Whether your boyfriend has bipolar or not, I cannot advise. What it seems to me though is he is lacking insight into the consequences his actions are having on himself and others around him. This could be due to lack of insight into his illness and how it manifests for him. Seeing a therapist again would be an ideal thing, but I guess you can't force him unless he is under a court order (which isn't the case). 

Hearing you and wishing you all the best with your situation. It is vital to be kind to yourself in a situation such as this and if needed, keep on reaching out.

[Faith-and-Hope]

Hi @Anandarr and @Melancholy and welcome to the forums .....

@Anandarr, I am sorry to hear about the struggles you are going through, and how the break-up with your boyfriend has also affected you relationship with his mum, perhaps just by how accessible she is to you now, I don’t know ..... but that must be distressing also.

Our younger son fell into issues early last year ..... at least that is when they manifested seriously enough to be diagnosed as anxiety and depression, along with familial traits that have created chaos across our extended family landscape, and for us.  It is clear to see that if he had had a girlfriend at the time he would have let her go, because he withdrew from all his relationships, and uni attendance ....in fact he couldn’t get out of bed.

Do you have support to live elsewhere now ?  Only answer if you feel comfortable to.

[Shazi55]

I've been here.
All I could do was support him where he let me and be waiting when he couldn't
Hard I know but I didn't want to walk away... it wasn't my ideal way but when he was off his highs he always knew there was still a soft place to land
Good luck