Advice

[Jaxx1]

My girlfriend has recently told me about something that had happened when she was 15 years of age. When she was 15 she had been having sexual relations with a man aged 25, when she told me that I overreacted a bit in my opinion, but also I still think I was justified. She had told me not to tell anyone but I had to tell my sister, who is friends with her foster mum. Since she has had a very rough upbringing I do not judge her for anything that had been done in her past, I only judge what that sick man has done to her. She said that is was “ consensual “ but it cannot be consensual when the age of consent in SA is 17. When she was younger she was abused by her parents and put into the foster system, in that system she was abused again, and again and again. Repeatedly touched and just horrible things, what I want to do to this guy that statutoried her is flowing through my mind at a hundred miles an hour, but I know that I cannot do anything to him physically otherwise I will be getting into more trouble that he would. I don’t know what to do about this, I want to tell her to go to the police about it, but then also that might hurt our relationship as she said that “ she’s not ready to accept what has happened” but it’s something that I cannot accept and let go of, he needs to get what he deserves and he possibly has done it to other girls before her and also can continue doing it to vulnerable young females. What do you people think I should do?

[Magpie22]

Hey @Jaxx1 it sounds like this has been really shocking for you and is understandably making you really angry. She already has so much trauma and that can make it really hard to know what is OK in a relationship. 

It’s important to understand that when someone is a survivor of sexual assault or abuse, having control over what happens next is really important. There is some useful information here about how to support your girlfriend

https://www.wchn.sa.gov.au/our-network/yarrow-place/rape-and-sexual-assault-topics/supporting-someon...

But at the same time, it sounds like you are worried this man will do it again. If she doesn’t want to report it, you can report this man anonymously, without giving your name or your girlfriend’s name. If he is in a position of trust or has care of other children I can imagine you are really worried. 

Maybe you can suggest your girlfriend reach out to one of the services like Yarrow Place to get some counselling to help her work through it. 

https://www.wchn.sa.gov.au/our-network/yarrow-place

But just remember, this is her story and she needs to be able to choose what happens next for her. Be there and let her know you care and will support her regardless. 

[RiverSeal]

Hey @Jaxx1, thanks for sharing your experiences with the community!

It's really brave of you to share what you are going through at the moment and what your girlfriend has been through. It's not easy to talk about abuse even if it is in the past and it can bring up emotions and thoughts. It's understandable to have thoughts of rage and justice and it's always important to let the authorities take action as like you mentioned you will get into trouble.

@Magpie22 provided some great places for your girlfriend to seeks support and also mentioned her having choice and control over any decisions to report the concerns or past abuse. 

Your girlfriend might also benefit from reaching out to the Blue Knot Foundation and 1800RESPECT and they are good places to start over the phone.

Take care

RiverSeal