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β23-07-2019 10:50 AM
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β23-07-2019 10:54 AM
β23-07-2019 10:54 AM
Re: not feeling good
Hi @BlueBay ,
Wish I could give you a big big hug and tell you that you have achieved a lot in your life. I hope you can get out for a walk even if its a short one. Nothng wrong with taking it a bit easy on your day off. You deserve some rest after your busy schedule and emotions you have been feeling.
In regard to borrowing money from your kids, i wouldn't worry about it to much. If my parents or close family asked I'd be more than happy to help out. I'm sure they feel indebted to you for supporting them growing up and so on. I think I can understand why it might not feel right, but, it's not going to be something that continues forever. You have plans to change how things are now, but, things like this take time to evolve and sort out.
I hope you feel a little better soon and know you have a lot of people here supporting and caring for you. You will get through it.
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β23-07-2019 11:15 AM
β23-07-2019 11:15 AM
Re: not feeling good
I am hearing you π
I am glad there was a small light in that your day in that your husband was cooking when you got home. That would help a bit.
In terms of the rest of it I can see you are in strife.
Have you given anymore thought to raising this with your family? Include the doctor if need be?
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β23-07-2019 11:23 AM
β23-07-2019 11:23 AM
Re: not feeling good
Thankyou @Gazza75 for your kind words and hugs. I really need them today β€οΈβ€οΈ
Thsnks too @Faith-and-Hope β€οΈβ€οΈ
@MDT i donβt know why I get scared of communicating with hubby. Iβm not sure if itβs because he brings me down when he talks or he shuts me down very quickly and walks off. Iβm nit sure.
I have included doctors psychologist and evdn my psych in our conversation but it goes in one ear and out the other.
When I see my psychologist sgsin in September we are going to be discussing communication snd inter personal relationships.
Youβd think by now after married fir 33 yrs thst we should know how to communicate.
Weβve had lots of stressors along the way. Maybe I have a lot of snger resentment towards him for not understanding my mental illness.
I really donβt know.
Thankyou for listening
how did you go with the job interview?
β€οΈβ€οΈ
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β23-07-2019 11:32 AM
β23-07-2019 11:32 AM
Re: not feeling good
Just gotta wait til August when they do in person interviews. Should be a good chance though I think.
Thanks for asking even though you are under stress atm.
I see what you mean re communicating. There is a resolve in you I can see though. You do want to solve it and I think this is good. It may take time but you will get there.
I'm not married so I dunno much about that side of it lol. But just happy to listen and sit with you on this
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β23-07-2019 12:03 PM
β23-07-2019 12:03 PM
Re: not feeling good
Hi @BlueBay
It's okay - I can do this
Γt's okay - I've got you, you'll be alright. You didn't deserve anything that happened to you. You will get through this. You will be okay."
Something worked out well because Huffnpuff cooked dinner when he was asked - perhaps he just needs more direction - you can learned to be specific when you ask him to do things - and expect him to do what you ask - keep the list small and precise -
He can learn to get over his learned helplessness too - and maybe that's the way.
You are in your fifties and feel you haven't done much with your life but that's a feeling and not the truth - you brought up three children with your MIL on board and for a time you had Huffnpuff not working because of his arthritis - you did that and it's a good reason to be proud of yourself - you have had you own house through this - sold that one and bought this one - big decisions - big deals - and now you have too many people living in your house and it's chaotic but you have made decisions about dealing with that - asking your kids to pay up and help out isn't wrong - back in my day we paid board - everyone did -
And one thing about making decisions is knowing that not all choices work out the way we plan and there's nothing wrong wth that - life happens - when your kids move out it will be easier - less chaotic - and empty nesting is a challenge - your next challenge - and you will be better prepared
Look - I used to bite back when my ex-h said stupid things - there were days when I was waiting for him to say something - ooh - I would get so irritated - sometimes really angry - I guess with BPD you need to sort out what applies to your "label" and how anyone would behave -
It's damned frustrating for anyone to keep saying stuff that rubs you up the wrong way - I understand that - I'm here though and get that - I understand - I have your back. You will be okay
And he walks off - how demanding that is - passive aggression - mmmmm - I could blow my top - yes I did and you have been married how long? Thirty-three years - that's an achievement -
I'm here - not going anywhere - I hear you -
You need to see that you are a fine person - stressed out - yes - but succeeding in life
Dec
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β23-07-2019 02:33 PM
β23-07-2019 02:33 PM
Re: not feeling good
Hi @Owlunar
Thankyou β€οΈβ€οΈ I know you understand.
I just feel worn out. Iβm trying to not think too far ahead but I canβt hrlp it I sm.
I guess I worry too much about the present and the future. I remember my old psychologist told me that Iβm so scared of the future and the present that Iβm not enjoying the present moment. Maybe heβs right.
Yesh if I give hubby precise directions of what to do he will gladly do it. Itβs when I donβt say anything he stresses.
Thanks for being here for me. I thought you might get sick if me snd leave. To be honest I would crumble if you left
But thatβs bad bevsuse that means I rely on people. And I need to do things on my own.
Why canβt I see positives on my own. Why do I need people to tell me. Why canβt I see any improvement like my doctor keeps telling me.
Hugs @Owlunar I hope youβre ok. β€οΈβ€οΈ
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β23-07-2019 03:28 PM
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β23-07-2019 03:40 PM
β23-07-2019 03:40 PM
Re: not feeling good
Love and hugs to you my beautiful sis @Shaz51 β€οΈβ€οΈ
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β23-07-2019 03:41 PM