Lived Experience Forum

[GeminiLion]

I thought I call in say hi. Despite readjusting my schedules to enter a portrait comp, I ran out of time, caused by my dad constantly coming first. Yes I am down about it as I really really really wanted to enter.

I know the answer: its getting projects completed months in advance. Just look at what my opportunities are after June this year.

Today is my day off from caring but ended up at dads today and he was not in a good mood/ at his worst with attention seeking about this and that. As elderly do.

Im still alone and bugs me when others pushed why I am not married or kids or dont understand that Im artist sighting I need a real job. grrr. I know.. just ignore them. I have started to accept that I will always be alone and not experience intimacy etc. Rather hide now in my world and stuff everyones expectations.

Talking about expectations, I didnt want to attend an event and Dad was, "you got to drink" that it is "expected" and not to an "insult". grrr. I am too much an introvert and it was a good excuse to not attend 🙂 which in itself may have been insult if taken wrong way.

First day of the month. Analyse where to make adjustments. Avoiding negatives in my journal with notion of positive words and confirmative words.

[GeminiLion]

Note. I quit drinking a year or two ago. I think August will be start of year 3? Also not interested in anything else and really focusing on health. My life has turned complete circle to a positive side of a coin. But still a long way to go. Avoiding peoples expectations is important I tink. I have my own virtues and goals and too bad if not shared by others. Im sure the other stuff will sort itself out. Feels good to write here rather than bottling up. 

[catladybookworm]

Hi @GeminiLion ,

I am 45 and never been in an intimate relationship.  I realised a few years ago that I am asexual.  I don't blame my solitary life on my mental issues, rather, I have always been too introverted to make it a priority to seriously look for a partner.  I tried a few times but without results.  There was once a guy seriously interested in me but I was not interested in him in that way.  I would have prefered to stay 'just friends'.  I am now wondering whether to look for an asexual partner so that I have someone for company.  It wouldn't matter if they were male of female, because I am really just looking for a 'best friend' that sleeps in their own bed.  Unfortunately, I don't expect to find an asexual partner on a dating site.  Asexual people only make up a tiny portion of the population and even fewer visit dating sites.  Especially those close to my age (40s).

[greenpea]

@catladybookworm  Hi catladybookworm dont despair I think you would find many women (in particular) who would be interested. Speaking for myself I am in my 50s been married kidults have all basically grown up and would love to live with a friend who I could go walking with, movies etc. I would just say be very fussy and dont take the first person that shows an interest and since you will be sharing a house together do your legal work re property etc in other words a good will.greenpeax

[NNY]

@GeminiLion @catladybookworm 

Relationship wise me too.

I've had girls take me home to their place, saying they wanted to sleep with me, and I honestly thought they just wanted to sleep and that's what I did. For some strange reason, sex isn't a part of my brain. In hindsight I realise what they wanted though.

Two girls at work have made advances at me, but I still have no desire for them. 

I think I'd feel sorry for any girl who married me, because I think the part of the brain that gives sexual intimacy just isn't there. I suspect my brain is a child's brain and always will be. Oh well.

@GeminiLion I hate alcohol (and drugs, cigarettes, marijuana and sugar) also, can't drink it. But I do wonder why society forces people to drink it. Recently a very young man died last year of drinking to much at the local pub. But even so, the husband of a work colleague, who is a good decent honest family man, wanted to get me drunk at the work Christmas party last year because he thought it would be funny. Even good people can want to do bad things. It is a strange world.

[catladybookworm]

Thanks @greenpea , that sounds like good advice!