Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[PeppiPatty]

Can anyone think about how mrs c can have a bit more freedom in her day to day dealings?
My friend was in a situation like this. It was very painful and as all we carers know, shameful inside us. Can you speak to him in a secure meeting with the councillor about going to the bank to make you a co signer?
I must re read all the messages on this one.

[MrsC]

Thanks for the tip - we have a joint appointment with counsellor in 21st, to be honest there are other priorities before money management, but the counsellor is now aware of these circumstances & we have been going for long enough for her to see a cycle. Hanging on by my fingernails for another 2 weeks! 🙂

[Alessandra1992]

Hang in there Mrs C! Can you talk to your husband's payroll? Have you spoken to Centreliink as it sounds as though you might qualify for being separated? Have you been able to call your husband's psych? The person he has seen might be able to get some actions in place that your husband will not accept from you, such as transferring funds across or getting bills paid so you are not calling him.
If he is not working with any clinical supports or community supports would he listen to his mum or dad or sister or brother or best friend?

[MrsC]

Hi Sandy, he works for himself, I work full time so i don't think I'd qualify for anything. We have not formally separated (that I know about) & that's what our counselor will be establishing very soon. The GP still has not signed off on a referral for psych assessment & is treating him for a sleep disorder/depression. He only has a sister who he doesn't speak to & his best friends currently are not answering his calls due to his behaviour. Our counselor has already mentioned to him that frequent problems need permanent solutions, so will address this s soon as he won't walk out of the room. In the meantime he says there is no money & the companies are calling me. Our counselor is pivital at the moment. Hopefully he gets some cheques in soon

[Alessandra1992]

Crap time Mrs C!
Have you rung any of the utility companies or banks as maybe it would be timely to ask for extension of due dates?
Hang in there..I would be stressed to the Max in same situation..

[MrsC]

Good idea I'll do that this week 🙂

[zipper]

Hang in there Mrs C.  

I found that dealing with the highs was harder to deal with than the lows, and it also caused more damage.  My husband lost his license and got kicked out of Church!! I can look back now and laugh but it was hard at the time and I dont think I have ever forgiven him fully

If at all possible, leave your emotions out of it and try to work out what is best for YOU!!  I wish I knew now what I knew 10 years ago, things would be very different today

take care and good luck 

ZZ

[Jo]

Good advice about trying to leave emotion out of decisions. ❤️

[MrsC]

Have got at least one extension to quarterly bills, email from hubby...

I have no more money until a cheque comes in or end of the month.
I have fully redrawn the mortgage.
There is nothing I can do to help .

I earn 11% of what he earns. My stress levels are up today, might go & walk around the block.

[zipper]

Oh God Mrs C - I feel for you

Is he only talking via email now?  That must be painful

My best suggestion is to be open and honest with people especially family - pride doesnt pay the bills Im sorry.  That will be the hardest part.  If he says, why did you tell everyone, say I had no choice, you wouldnt talk 

other suggestions

1. explain to the bank and say you are separated with hope of reconciliation and say everything to do with the mortgage must be done with double signatures

2. send him an email by return saying "I have spoken to Centrelink, who have advised me to talk to the bank, who have advised me to take legal action to protect myself" - doesnt matter if its not true - let him know you are serious and wont be pushed around.

3. Put YOUR needs FIRST

4. If he is having an episode, this might be the first of many, and if he wants to control the money, and you at the same time, then you will have to put something in place

take care

zz