Lived Experience Forum

tyme · ‎01-05-2024

Hugs to you @EternalFlower - hope things improve for you. Allow those feelings to come and go. Acknowledge them and practice sitting with them. At the same time, know that I'm sitting with you.

tyme · ‎01-05-2024

Hey @PeppyPatti ,

I love reading your responses too! Sure goes both ways 🙂

So essentially, yes - the rules of my diagnosis is to own, learn and let it go to be truly me. And that's exactly what I've done.

I owned the diagnosis to get the support I could and geez, it's been an eye opener. I've learnt so much about myself and humanity through my therapy. It was such a unique therapy that I can't even explain. I'm in the middle of a research paper about it actually. To look at the experiences of people who undergo mentalisation based therapy. I'm still in the process of collecting data before analysing it and working on the paper... probably still a year to go or so. I just find it incredibly interesting and I always want to keep learning.

Relationships are important. Whether it's relationships with people, pets, nature, yourself. Humans are social creatures whether we like it or not, and we tend to learn from one another. There's this analogy about pebbles in a stream. Unless the pebbles roll together in a stream with flowing water, the rough edges don't wear away. I take this analogy and feel that in life, we need some of those people to rub us up the wrong way so that we can be perfected and be better people.

I also believe people need space to find themselves. They need to know who they are, what they want, and what will help them to feel satisfaction in life. Without this, jumping into a relationship in 'hope' that it will satisfy a void, to me, will only end in misery. I believe you need to be satisfied in yourself before you commit to a long-term relationship. Please note, this is only MY thinking. There's not factual evidence or anything.

As much as I don't have an intimate partner at the moment, I'm not desperate for one. I'm quite satisfied. Yet if it happens, I'm also not going to push it away. I'm not really fussed. I feel I just need the other person to understand that this is how I am - take it or leave it.

I'm also so free at the moment, and I love it. Life's too short to be held down by things that pull you back I reckon 🙂

Do what's right for you and be a good human. I've learnt that if I live life trying to please others, no one will end up in a happy place.

In Australia, I feel Australians live rather independent lives (not everyone of course). What I mean is that we are not like other cultures who live with large extended families all under the same roof. For me, I speak to my parents maybe 2 or 3 times are year, yet there are no hard feelings. The relationship doesn't need words. We just know we are there for each other. We know we care about each other. It doesn't make me love them less if they live interstate and we barely talk. We're totally okay with that.

And yes, my previous employer didn't take 'crap'. No sympathy, no empathy, because business comes first. I reckon that has changed now if I were to work under the same boss. Since covid, a lot of things have changed and people have woken up to the fact that mental health exists, even in corporate workplaces! (well this was the case here anyway).

To this day, yes I was hurt, but I don't hold a grudge. They probably had little understanding of mental health... what would you expect?

Bottom line... life's just too good 🙂

PeppyPatti · ‎01-05-2024

Without judgement, @tyme

i only really got into the “ oh I get it,” after many years of very fractured original family relationships. Even after therapy which I began in about age of about 17 it took many, many years to break down my defences and let it go.

and in writing that, who cares how many times you speak to your parents?

I like your analogy on pebbles…… it’s exciting. I chose my partner over 5 years ago and I texted him for months every day that I loved him. I didn’t care he was an addict, I just knew he was a good person. He did quit after a while. He’s been free for over 2 years now and although I understand relapse, I actually don’t care because his care and love for me is pretty awesome. My psychotherapist watches over me…………

iv never ever done anything like that but last year I discovered gummies……

then last year, I entered The Richards Trauma Process (TRTP™)? TRTP.

Woah…….., that still reverberates through my body.

I like like your writing over humanity through therapy. It’s all just this awesome dialogue wasnt\ isn’t it?
What is mentalisation based therapy.

when I first joined Sane forums, I was absolutely influenced by Ann Devenson. She was an amazing woman mentor in that she would look at mental illness and chucked the old…. Ronald Laing observation, it’s the parent’s fault on mental illness and talked about what line in the family brothers and sister you are and then when, that’ persons original trauma happened. .

Although I do blame my ex husbands mother for his schizophrenia………lol………

but please don’t think I don’t like Ronald Laing. One of my influences in the 1990s had him as his therapist in the 1960-70s at The Traviostik ( spelt wrong) Clinic in London.

space is good. I also like Ronald Laings thoughts on the supported environment….I haven’t read his books for a few years…….

yes, I do agree with you about jumping in a relationship in hope…… it’s always good to observe how they treat their family, their mum and dad……lol then have a dialogue about both of your needs, it’s like a business contract I guess for a relationship. My youngest son, I hear will be single for a long time. Look, there’s only a little bias here, but he’s a good looking man but he thinks he’s really ugly. Four years coming up that I haven’t heard from him and it’s fine. Hey A, take your time. Get strong honey. It’s okay………….

but you show to me, in your writings to others and me that you ARE passionate and you have a very good sense of you, unlike me that took years to find. My head injury destroyed all of that for me. Not many people get head injuries. It’s pretty simple I think but whatever. Anyone who is vulnerable are all pretty much laughed at. I remember I was laughed at for months when studying with qualified people and really what assholes they were.

There’s no excuse for what happened to me, there’s no excuse what happened to you. But in my situation, I think those people who openly laughed at me, they have to go to bed at night, every night being who they are. For, the. Rest.of their. Lives. That’s karma.

I dearly hope I’m not sounding like a know it all, I’m sorry if I do because I love learning. Unlike you, I don’t have the capacity to study anymore, it’s all gone but I’ll try and get some money together for someone to tutor me nice and slowly.

I love what you write about Australian relationships. my dream is to live in Hobart, more open space!!! I was talking to my support worker about not worrying about anything, just trust what’s in the air around ourselves,

my oldest son enjoys telling me repeatedly what a bad Mum I was. Yeah right. His childhood wasn’t that bad at all……

online dating sounds fun but can be scarey……it’s the thing to do right? The only thing I can do it buy fabric online, eBay and write on Sane forums….. @PinkFlamingo please teach me the computer ….??? Xx

it will happen naturally….. but if you do meet someone, it’s like a business agreement…. … you need to make decisions together first. …. I’m just trying to get through every day, it took me until I was 53 to meet my beloved.

another thing that really p………s me is money. I have two credit cards I pay off regularly but quickly go up to top again and guess what? That the amount almost exactly it costs to buy all these damn quilts materials….. that rock my dial,, I give them all away!!!
curses ,,,

then the house situation. I used to own a house ….but who believes how I lost it??? No one !! I’ve had a head injury!! So I get judged that I’m in public housing. My mum had this blu2343 council woman at her place when I went to visit her and this woman wearing her trendy see through dress jumping all over the place flicking these stickers on me to post on the bins in the poor place in her rich suburb ( where I live) telling me she dearly wants to help these poor people …………..I wasn’t very nice to her…..lol…….

I. Cannot believe how much better my life has became since back on Sane forums…….i would LOVE to read your research paper which I can’t ……

I feel I can be completely me….wearing my overalls iv worn since age 22.

Lila3 · ‎02-05-2024

@tyme beautiful & informative post on your experiences with mentalisation based therapy.

Relationships are what we're wired for: love that pets / nature are included in your perspective.

Cultural differences in relationships & fami are fascinating.

I recently travelled to Sweden ( during winter). Despite the cold, people there make a lot of effort to connect & see one another regularly. Maybe the camaraderie helps ensure the cold & darkness.

tyme · ‎02-05-2024

That's really great to hear @Lila3 . I can see they have really put social connection up the top on the list.

It makes me remember that during COVID, the isolation really affected people. Some people took every opportunity to connect with others. 🙂

Henry2 · ‎02-05-2024

Can relate to your loneliness having separated from a relationship, feeling leftout and yes its awkward to tell anybody.

tyme · ‎02-05-2024

I think a lot of people can relate @Henry2 . Separation can bring a lot of feelings including loneliness.

What are some ways you have found helpful when coping?

Henry2 · ‎02-05-2024

Mostly trying to be around close people not always possible, I dont know many people were I live in a small coastal community and u have to be here a long time, or even just getting out weather permitting and walking the legs off my dog, just trying to keep busy and not relate to why u are alone, for me its relationship break down amonsgst other trauma or even tating a interest in your local church if that works.

Doldip15 · ‎03-05-2024

Sometimes life is just too lonely and too sad to want to sit and write anything but it’s nice to read what you all wrote each day!
cold here and cold inside!
Time for flanalette sheets maybe?

Must get something done today!