Looking after ourselves
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14-10-2021 04:33 AM - edited 14-10-2021 05:09 AM
14-10-2021 04:33 AM - edited 14-10-2021 05:09 AM
A safe place to express myself
Right now I need a safe place to express myself.
I'm in a very vulnerable space so if you would like to reply I ask that you please be gentle and kind.
At around 4am I cried for a bit and I was able to finally get in touch with my feelings. I was triggered by something yesterday and I have been in a very bad space all this time. I haven't slept all night.
I cried because it's just been so hard and I have been trying so hard to look after myself.
I had arranged to pick up my bike today and now I can't go. I feel so (can't think of the word) that I'm at the mercy of my triggers. At anytime I can get hijacked into a traumatic state from the past and there is nothing I can do about it. It completely disrupts my life and stops me from doing everything.
I feel so sad and I want to cry but I can't.
I tried so hard today.
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14-10-2021 05:09 AM
14-10-2021 05:09 AM
Re: A safe place to express myself
I just wanted to add...
I'm proud of myself that I didn't overeat or throw up or eat any junk food or snacks during the night.
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14-10-2021 06:29 AM
14-10-2021 06:29 AM
Re: A safe place to express myself
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14-10-2021 06:46 AM
14-10-2021 06:46 AM
Re: A safe place to express myself
pls be kind and gentle with yourself @Arizona
sending you hugs xxx
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14-10-2021 07:24 AM
14-10-2021 07:24 AM
Re: A safe place to express myself
Thank you @NatureLover and @BlueBay ❤
I appreciate your kindness. Yes I will be gentle and kind with myself today.
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14-10-2021 09:11 AM - edited 14-10-2021 09:27 AM
14-10-2021 09:11 AM - edited 14-10-2021 09:27 AM
Re: A safe place to express myself
Arizona
This is exactly the safe place to share cause we totally understand and get what your expressing. This has been a lifetime of my own experiences. I have over 50 years of trauma and pain that became my total identity and lived in my mind and so many things kept flooding back from certain triggers and effected my mental health severely searching desperately all the time for relief from the pain anyway to numb which had many negative outcomes that on reflection I didn't deserve. I was punishing myself for circumstances that were out of my control and I couldn't let go of the past. I'm not saying I've even been totally successful with this even now because it's wired into my mind from a lifetime of negative experiences. Recently I've started trauma therapy which has been extremely difficult to do but there's a process of healing that comes from looking at it with different eyes and letting go, accepting and forgiveness can be freeing. We can't go back and change the past but we can learn more than you realise and move forward day by day stronger with more awareness from the lessons life gave you. This could be something you look into to, it's out there and available. I'm sharing because it's the exact thing that has kept me stuck and broken for far too long
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14-10-2021 11:10 AM - edited 14-10-2021 11:16 AM
14-10-2021 11:10 AM - edited 14-10-2021 11:16 AM
Re: A safe place to express myself
Hi @Sandy-66
Thank you for sharing. I appreciate it so much.
I can't afford it at the moment but once I can I'm going to look into trauma therapy and EMDR.
I have just finished listening to The Body Keeps the Score for the second time and I found it very helpful. It gives me comfort knowing that there is at least one person in the world (Bessel Van Der Kolk) who understands me.
I'm 50 and my whole life has been about trauma and pain. I would like to say more but I'm really tired from not sleeping and I'm feeling very fragile.
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14-10-2021 10:01 PM
14-10-2021 10:01 PM
Re: A safe place to express myself
i just wanted to stop in to say that im thinking of you and i hope your being kind to yourself. It is hard when your emotions take over. i hope your going ok
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14-10-2021 10:17 PM - edited 14-10-2021 10:20 PM
14-10-2021 10:17 PM - edited 14-10-2021 10:20 PM
Re: A safe place to express myself
Arizona
Come back and talk anytime I think we might have a lot in common and be a support. It’s Interesting you mentioned lack of sleep and feeling fragile because Im currently in the exact place. The last nearly three months I haven’t been sleeping at all max 3 to 4 hours at best and im wearing down quickly. Unfortunately I can’t rely on meds but that’s another story but I’m struggling to know how long I can keep doing this and there’s not a lot of answers for me which is frustrating. I’m glad you liked my post. Hope you sleep well
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14-10-2021 10:20 PM
14-10-2021 10:20 PM
Re: A safe place to express myself
also if you put an @ before a members name, itll tag them for you. this way theyll receive a notification your talking to them. hope this helps!