I've read everyone's responses here, so insightful on many levels.
Personally I have no childhood memories at all. Some are coming through in fragmented forms. I was told I was the perfect child, meaning I caused no trouble. Always kind thoughtful, caring. Everything everyone wanted. Unfortunately I became invisible, a form of protection.
I'm finding it hard to stop behaving in the same ways today. Moving out of survival mode is challenging.
I functioned on auto pilot til 3 years ago. Numb. Survival mode. Then the volcano irrupted, feelings entered my life, flooded it really. I'm still trying to identify what it is that I'm feeling at certain moments. Yesterday I read and re read the difference between anger and frustration. Somehow it's not registering.
The red written Mother hate is a flashing light for me. Love was nowhere to be found. Today I can't even mention the word, choosing anything to replace it.
I have to move on to some house work. Survival mode !!!!!!!
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