Hi, This is the first time I have attempted to use a forum because I feel very concerned that anything I say might cause certain people who I need to conceal things from will recognised who I am or who I'm talking about. I feel very worried about it but I have to take the chance and reach out this way because I don't know where else to go.
I am a mother of a beautiful daughter who has mental issues. When I first found out anything was wrong with her was when I myself had just finished dealing with post traumatic stress from an incestual childhood.
When I found out there was a problem, I was shocked an horrified since she was harming herself. I didn't know what to do or where to go for information to help her. I was too devastated to think properly.
The first thing I was told was that I have lost her. I couldn't believe it. This was another wave of devastation to me but then when I tried to asked questions and gain some sort of understanding I was told that my daughter's information was not available to me.
In spite of my feeling sick all the time at the thought of what had happened to her, I had to find someone to help. I felt desperate to help her, so I went to the local hospital and enquired as to whether my daughter had been there to seek help. At the same time I wanted to find someone to talk to for myself as well since I thought I was going crazy. But I was unsuccessful in gaining any information or help either for my daughter or myself. I was told that my daughter was not my business and that they could'nt help me either , I would have to get help somewhere else. This made me feel blind angry, frustrated and hopelessly helpless.I began to see my daughter in a series of nightmares but these also occurred during the day time as well as in my sleep at night.
My daughter has never lied to me, but also has never discussed what happened to make her feel the way she does. I have never pushed to find out what happened either because I have always wanted her to come and talk to me of her own free will as she used to do.
All the above happened some time ago and I thought all was getting better, until recently when she attempted to self harm again. She dosen't want me to know anything about what is happening to her now. I feel she holds me responsible but I don't know what for. I still don't know the initial problem. Many of her friends and even her siblings have told me different things and implied many things but in the end, it seems she has sworn them all to secrecy. If anyone has any idea of where I can go from here could you please advise me.
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