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  • Author : Sharona1
  • support : 3
  • Topic : Something’s not right
2019-10-12T00:02:17+00:00
Sharona1
Casual Contributor

My son is now 35. He has been diagnosed officially and unofficially with various issues. He does not accept mental illness as an isdue but sees anxiety etc as symptoms only of complex self-diagnosed physical issues, all of which are odd hard to prove and can manifest as practically anything. For a few years I managed

to get him to a doctor or psych but not now. 

It's such a complex and entangled story, I really just can't explain here.

He is staying with me on the couch in

A small flat. He is always angry at me and blames me for whatever he decides is the cause. Now its mold that he thinks is in his flat. I threw out the mattress and got a new one but he says its infected evetything. So new bedding and clothes. Ive spent a few hours every day for weeks cleaning it. He says its still making him permanently numb. He says he's lost 80% of sensation and that it will be permanent now like every other time....as I said ..long story. 

I am doing all I can while working full time to survive and pay for all this and getting older. In fact I am not well at all. That includes my own mental health. I have panic disorder and it has become much worse since he moved in a few weeks ago. He asks for so much but speaks to me in such a belittling and blaming way. Just this morning I mentioned not feeling well but he dislikes hearing anything about others health. Understatement. He said that there is nothing goid about me and that I have not even a base of value that could be worked on. But I give and give and I am getting older. I cry everyday in my room. From my perspective, I work full time, I study to maintain a job past 60, I do all the cleaning, I get what he needs yo the best of my ability. But to him, Im the problem. Yet here he is. 

He has no treatment and refuses. He does nit think he has a mental health problem. I try to help in whatever way he wants inclufing physical treatment but everything goes around in never ending circles. He talks in circles and you cant actually take action. 

He can become very bullying to me and says things that are very scaryabout voices and knives. But that was earlier in the year. I finally followed everyones  advice and called mental health who insisted on calling the cops. I was told I was to blame by mental health. That I was enabling. I needed yo get him help.

So... Drama..I cant go home for days..mental health..cops...all led to nothing as always. The hospital who sent people to my home to interview him said that there was no signs of any mental illness. He was just sad.

I told them he would perform and say thete was nothing wrong. Thry accepted his word. The person on the phone from mental health said if there is mental illness they cannot fake it. That is simply untrue. But that has left me with no where to turn.

And I end by saying, I think constantly that since everyone thinks I am the problem, the best thing really msy be that I am not here. I think of suicide daily..more than daily. If I wasnt here, something may finally be done. 

 

 

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