Lived Experience Forum

[Deirdregrace]

My partner took his own life in 2018. He did it within metres from me.  I was unable to save him . I feel I have been affected in a bad way.i haven't had much support and no therapy. I keep reliving the events and have had my own thoughts of taking my own life. 

[Jynx]

Hey @Deirdregrace, welcome to the forums. I'm Jynx, one of the moderators. I'm just popping in to give a bit of support, cos it sounds like you're in a pretty dark place at the moment. 

It's really awesome that you're reaching out, and I've no doubt the other forum members will help make you feel welcome, especially whilst you're sitting in such heavy grief. I am also going to flick you a quick email just to check in 

[LostAngel]

So Sorry to hear of your situation @Deirdregrace  Please be assured that you are not alone and are amoung friends here on the forums please reach out for support there are also Anonomous Phone Numbers for Support including Lifeline there phone number is 13 11 14 please take care of yourself, it sounds like you have been through something very traumatic and unexpected in loosing your Partner in this way please keep safe and sorry for your loss sending hugs and Comfort LostAngel 

[WinterSun]

Hi @Deirdregrace 

So sorry you have to go through this.

My son ended his life in 2018 in the house with me there, having no idea what was happening.

It's a horrible endless pain, sadness, disbelief. 

Suddenly we are out of step with the rest of the world.

Getting support from others around us is hard. They are either affected themselves or it becomes a no go subject.

It took around six months before my husband and I attended a support group. We stayed involved  over the next two years. This was the thing I found most helpful as it was a place where I could feel normal for a while. Everyone was in the same situation as me whether it was a partner, child. parent or sibling who had been affected. I have seen the most distraught people gradually find a way forward.

We know that suicide leaves a world of pain for those left behind that loved them. 

You have found the courage to reach out here.

A first step. 

Try to  keep building on that.

[jazz]

Hi @Deirdregrace I am so sorry to hear that, it sounds horrible and so traumatic for you. I just want to check you are safe and know the supports available should your thougts escalate. ?

jazz 

[NatureLover]

Hi and welcome, @Deirdregrace . I am so sorry to hear about your tragedy. 

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@Deirdregrace wrote:

I feel I have been affected in a bad way.i haven't had much support and no therapy. I keep reliving the events and have had my own thoughts of taking my own life. 

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I'm sorry to hear you have hardly had any support, and no therapy, since then. I would definitely recommend therapy, especially as you said you experience suicidal thoughts yourself. 

I wonder if you feel able to go to your GP and ask for a mental health care plan? This woul entitle you to 10 subsidised sessions with a psychologist per year. It would at least be a start on getting some help and professional support. 

Please take care, @Deirdregrace ...

@Owlunar 

[Owlunar]

Hi @Deirdregrace 

I am so sorry you have had to go through the unbelievable pain of having your partner take his own life  - and while you we present

That has to have been an on-going terrible nightmare for you

You are not alone - as I have read the responses here I know others have shared a little of their own stoties - my son took his life in Juvenile Detention 34 years ago now  - I  can assure you it does get easier with time but it does take time 

Keep in touch - we are a family here and support each other 

Dec 

[Owlunar]

Hi @NatureLover 

Thanks for the shout-out 

Dec 

[Former-Member]

i @Deirdregrace  - it's not your fault!  The 'shame' from something like this can taint everything. You need professional help with this one, and I hope you find a good psychologist for at least 6months. If you're in the same house, move and start afresh. The flashbacks will be bad enough without those visual cues / triggers in your face. You might experience PTSD - It's just horrible. He had  a housand optionst that day but chose himself to go this way. I struggle with suicide thoughts but would so m best to make sure family and friends wouldn't find me. On the other hand, maybe accidental,or impulsive, darkness or really bad delusional thoughts,  Well never know, even suicide notes don't say. Please don't copycat. You survive for a reason and deserve love, not this. Please find people who care about you to be around and let nature help you along. Lots of self care - be kind to yourself. Tell yourself the things you'd comfort a close friend with. You deserve life, and gentleness. Hugz and hugz 💙 

[Clawde]

Stay strong love, thinking of you and will always be around, your friend Clawde here.