Lived Experience Forum

[NoLongerATree]

Hello, @TheVorticon 

Intellectualising things has the connotation of avoiding confrontation at a base level, to my mind. I would say that I'm being introspective toward what I'm contending with, or mulling over. I would say this is a habit, if not the only mode I operate under. 

I do think that this disallows some level of connection with certain people. However, to my mind I do not require those people to connect with me; that is if they don't already seek out the tools through which to understand themselves- they will be of little use to me, both in terms of comfort and motivation. 


Our emotional needs, as well as various other things may be inherently different. Keeping me from feeling that being less than I'm comfortable being is something that I'd be willing to do.

I'm glad that you have obtained a benevolent exchange. Thank you for sharing.

[NoLongerATree]

Hello, @Sophia1 

Your efforts haven't gone to waste. I promise.

[NoLongerATree]

Hello, @Former-Member 

To be obessed with music is to flirt with suffering. 
To be a fanatic is to be human, only more so.
More human than you can hold
Too human even, too cold.
I suppose music is a good buffering
A warmth that you can never let show.

A warmth that nobody else can know

Secret love is often the trope replete
Handed down in irony and tragedy
Always on the edge of joy and defeat

Perhaps in times come I'll write you something complete
I appreciate the welcome, keep the receipt.

[Former-Member]

Very true, nice choice of words @NoLongerATree 

[Sophia1]

That is a very sweet reply @NoLongerATree 

I hope that you do not mind the use of the word "sweet"

It comes very close to sincere.

I am intrigued by your writing as I often am by people who write in their own style and are not afraid to dig deep into their thinking as well as feeling.

I feel as though I have picked up a new piece of fiction to read. Found almost hidden behind the larger, glossy, covers of today.

Your referral to standing in the doorway was interesting. 

I believe and have briefly on more than one occasion during my life experienced a sense that words do not match when I have walked through your interpretation of doorway.

There was no feeling of finality there. A strong sense of being.

The challenge is to want (to desire) to find that essence even if fleeting and remember such an achievement that cannot be explained to any other. This achievement is for self.

This is not ego though.

Please keep on writing.

I do not disagree or question your thinking at all. I am interested in what you have to say as you write so articulately.

I hope that others as well as myself can offer some interesting reading for you in return.

I just had to look up the tree that you referred to

This is what I found

What does the name Cladrastis mean?

Cladrastis: from the Greek, klado, a branch, and thraustos, fragile, referring to the brittle shoots. kentukea: of Kentucky.   Once known as C. lutea, with lutea(yellow), referring to its yellow wood (see below). The Naming Hisory: Yellowwood was first named Sophora kentukeaby Dumont de Courset in 1811.

Fragile also means to me, tender, delicate, beautiful, youthful.

Lastly I had to smile when I saw the first name of this tree "Sophora".....so close to the name Sophia.

Look forward to reading more of your posts when I next land on the forums. I am not on here everyday. I do not use a mobile phone for internet. I use a desktop, from when I used to work from home, now for personal use.

ps

I will leave you with this thought.

I have a very strong connection to trees...

are you sure that you no longer want to be a tree?

[NoLongerATree]

Hello, @Sophia1

What does it mean to have no dichotomy between love and truth. There's a distinct implication that you're one to sanctify your philological pericardium, almost as if to obliquate prying eyes. It comes very close to sincere. 

I'd like to know which animal you would say you most identify with.

We throw a little piece of ourselves off a cliff; hoping the tides of conversation will engage us with embrace. Not pulling back to bare the dregs of the ocean floor, instead pushing forth with labour, dancing a slow danse macabre.

Grace us once more.

I feel as though I'm speaking past you. Such is the semipermeable nature of a door.

A name has so much power. Everything we are in one breath. It's not obvious that such a weapon is fair. 

To remember you are mortal, Agamemnon. I'm sure Julius had nightmares. Mortals are subjugated to the kindness of knowing they'll at least have an ending, without constant reminder that they're to die. Stuck in a story where psychosis is the difference between this page and the next.

You're right, it isn't ego.

Sometimes I lose track of what I should be thinking about. This response is my voice and an echo speaking all at once.

You are interesting. 

I rescinded a comment on the conflation of fragility and sensitivity, previously. It is closer to beauty, precocity and birth to my mind. Tender reminds me of soft leaves. The kind you should hold, but not keep, if you wish to enjoy life. You can't dance if your partner is disallowed to step from your roots. 

Ora means the edge of something in Latin, Sophora is the edge of wisdom, and it's on the edge of being your pseudonym. 

You're a specific person.

Tell me about your arboreal ties.

[theposterboy]

Right on.

[Sophia1]

Hello @NoLongerATree 

Your user name still grabs my attention each time.

I am a tree person.

You asked about this.

I think that it might have something to do with grounding myself.

I have grown up from a little girl, dissociating from the outer world.

This has helped me.

I now have an understanding of this, not at the time. Only in recent years.

I feel comfortable about this.

I have walked everywhere that I have been for as long as I can remember.

The words, that were conveyed in your previous post, tender, fragile, beauty are so easily applied to connecting with a tree in my world.

The colours of the bark, the textures, the twisting and turns of branches and off shoots, roots spreading below. Branches above stretching higher and higher.

A sudden awakening of an ethereal experience briefly at times.

The many shapes, colours, movements of the foliage fascinating.

New growth. New depth in colours.

I do prefer evergreens.

Interesting shade patterns.

Keepers of wildlife.

Secret hideaways.

Smells.

So much of what you have written, I have had to read over and over again. I find myself each time checking on the meanings of some of your poetic wording. Mostly I am close and feel thrilled that I have the knowledge.

You are unknowingly or perhaps you are aware in your way, taking me on a wonderful journey.

I have always had a very enquiring mind. Always asking many questions.

Some people find this very irritating as it holds them up.

A specific person. This puzzled me.

I believe that I am more indescribable than specific.

Interesting always to hear another's perspective.

Again, an opportunity to allow my mind to travel in yet another direction.

I like change. 

Animal relating to when young was an elephant mostly. I did actually ask if I would be able to have one as a very young child. My mother reminded me of this. I asked her what her reply was. Why dont be so silly of course! It didn't come across as "of course" to me.

Yourself, do you have a spirit animal or one that you feel a leaning towards?

Losing track of what you should be thinking of, the response being your voice and an echo speaking all at one.

I love how you have phrased that. Makes so much sense to me.

I listen to my thoughts and my words. The next moment they become echoes.

You demonstrate great knowledge and have high intelligence.

I do hope that you honour yourself for such possession. I hope that you do not expect too much or push yourself too hard.

Remember I have passed through many more years than you.

Your journey in this time that you are speaking to me is still relatively young.

My journey in talking to you is fresh, not young in my travels 

Having said that you are young, you are also a sage, greek word, sophos.

This interraction is becoming more interesting.

Time for me to stretch, extend my limbs, the tree forever stretching upward.

Now it is time for you to say a little more about you, if that is what you would like.

Sophia

I shall leave you a green heart as a gesture of friendship 💚