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Welcome & getting started

Re: Hello Members introduction

Thank you @Faith-and-Hope 

 

Thanks for taking the time to read my introduction. I have a way to go. But I am learning that the self harm in very unlikely to be final unless too much drink is involved. That is the easy bit. Getting your head around the knowledge that your partner is being totured by themselves and finding the evidence around the house is something I doubt I can ever do.

 

I can help clean up and even dress the damage but my disappointment that I didn't manage to help her avoid the need stays with me. I remember knowing something was wrong so kept asking her if she wanted a coffee or drink every 5-10 minutes so I had an excuse to check up on her....but in that time he had carved some lines across the back of her wrists and hidden it each time I came in.

 

I need to know why she couldn't reach out and tell me that she fealt this way? But I guess if I knew this answer I would have plenty of work available in MH!!

 

There is some conflict between us at the moment because they transferred her to Acute care. She is happy about this because amazingly there are more opportunities for her to get the "relief" of self harm. I am disappointed that the clinic that she was in that I must say was doing a great job become an enabler as they were doing well at minimising her self harm. My partner has been to the acute care facility before and knew that despite the extra noise and less comfortable conditions she will get relief by doing what she knows best. 

 

Although I was clearly my partners carer and the one trying to keep things going at home the facility made the decision with no discussion or dialog with me apart from saying we are transferring her and we have arranged an ambulance 

 

My partner is in the acute facility because she knows that she will get away with self harm and justifies it by the fact that the experts know this is the best place for her. Experts guided by someone who knows how to set the right triggers.

 

The clinic was tough on her because the staff cared and they were very attentive. She was shown care when she rubbed her knuckles across the rendered concrete etc.

This care and attention took away the "pleasure" of feeling the pain, seeing the blood and the damage and feeling unloved and damaged. So her approach was to game the system so that she would get moved to somewhere where she perform the treatment she is convinced she needs.

 

I had comfort when my partner was in the clinic as I could see they we making changes and progress.

 

I then got a text that she can mange the chaos in the acute care because she can release her stress with self harm.

 

Sadly I don't think I've got the ability to visit her in the acute care facility. The clinic was a comfortable caring place and her self harm was minimal. But the acute care facility is the raw public system and by her admission she has had the opportunity to enjoy her self harm. At the moment I am too stressed, drained at a loss.....................

 

sorry just relised this is more more than an intro

 

Maybe I should actually put a new discussion in another place

 

thanks again for taking the time to read

 

 

Re: Hello Members introduction

It can help to opens new thread @Skantz.  Although all the forum threads belong to the entire community, and anyone can post anywhere, particularly according to topic, we can have a particular thread or threads that we identify with closely and usually post on. Our regular forum friends begin to know to find us there, and new community members faced with the same or similar issues can find us there as well.

 

The eating disordered behaviour, interpersonal control and rages in my s2bx were really hard to try to get my head around, because there is no sense to it.  It's self-harm, and in our case, abusive to those around them as well.  The psychological control mechanisms and emotional manipulations are just as bad as physical violence,but the only way the dr. would listen to me was if I spoke up in front of him ..... which threw us "out of the frying pan and into the fire".  He began undoing our life, mostly behind my back, but becoming more and more devaluing of our relationship from that time, before announcing the ultimate betrayal in a massive discard episode.  You couldn't wipe the smirk off his face at the damage he had caused, and continues to dish out ..... because he still can.

 

If you open a new thread, include the main topic you are writing about (eg Partner - self harm) in the Subject box, decide which Discussion Topic you think it belongs under (eg Our Stories, or Something is Wrong, etc)  and please tag me and others who have responded here to "your" thread so we can be there for you.

 

There are some carers with mental health challenges who self-harm.  They may speak up too and help share their perspective from the other side of the self harm issue, and what matters most to them in terms of the carer support they receive.  They may offer suggestions about how to communicate with your beautiful partner about your need for information and communication about her treatment, and how you might be included more effectively.

Re: Hello Members introduction

Thanks @Faith-and-Hope 

But for the sake of this brain fried carer could you clarify that your guidance is yes I should start a new thread or just prop here for a while

 

if I should start a new post / thread where should it be.

 

Please take this as a failing in my ability to clearly comprehend not your communication skills. I am truly at a place where I am functioning for survival only and need recovery time to help reason and comprehension to return 

 

thanks

Re: Hello Members introduction

Maybe just rest here awhile @Skantz  instead of trying to wrap your frazzled brain around anything  else ..... I know how hard that is.  Reeling a bit myself this morning from events on Friday night and Saturday morning.

 

Sometines we just need to hold tight let the waves wash over us, and roll on their way.

 

Some days are for just breathing through .....

Re: Hello Members introduction

@Faith-and-Hope 

 

The timing is spooky. I thought we were heading in the right direction until Friday 3pm and has been down hill run over the weekend. Had my 11 year old daughter with me so have had to hold my proverbial together. Did use it as a chance to talk about the fact that it is Ok not to Be OK and should she feel not OK I can support her. Just left the NRC rated bits out

 

I had some sleeping tablets after my daughter went home and feel much better 

no headache and don't seem to have the shakes ATM. Only noticeable when I am holding something like a beer. But what troubles me now is that I don't enjoy a beer. In the past I would write myself off for a reset!!!!

 

Struggling with the desire to visit the acute care unit to see my partner but I'm not confident I could do this with any style or dignity! They might grab me too!

 

Trying to see a doctor but my regular clinic has appointments in a week. Trying to pull a personal favour from a doctor who has done my aviation medical for many years but waiting for his response.

 

Can't get Psychiatric or Psychologic support for weeks. See what I can get sorted with my lifeline doctor. Then I think I will pack my gear and drop of the planet for a night

 

thanks for reading. My survival technique is flight although I'm not good at it!!

Re: Hello Members introduction

Take care of you @Skantz .....

Re: Hello Members introduction

Hi Mate,

Am sorry to hear about your partner. Self harm of ones self is definitely difficult for many to grasp and even more painful for their partner to witness this and see their loved one in such distress.

 

Often it is trying various professionals and clicking with the right one that will treat your partner as a person and try and work with them and assist her with care/medication and therapy she may require.

 

You also need support during this time, it is so important as often we neglect our own needs as we are totally focused on our partner.

 

Any time you need to chat or just offload and "Rant", Please feel free to message me.

 

All the very best to you.

Q

Re: Hello Members introduction

@Skantz 

 

yeah, mine was upfront about all his physical disabilities but I didn't find out about the bipolar until I was too far gone... it is what it is. 

 

When he is himself he is perfect, and at other times it is a living hell. I put up with what seems like a lot of verbal abuse, so I actually keep a score card (in excel, I'm an office worker) so that I can look back each month, crunch the numbers and reasssure myself that it was actually good well over 75% of the time. It helps me keep the bad days in perspective.

 

Talking to professionals yourself about your partner is always helpful too, because they often have great tips and techniques for what to say (or what NOT to say) when she is being irrational.

 

Keep up the good work x

Re: Hello Members introduction

@SJT63 

 

Thankfully I don't need to track my good times to know I'm in front. mmmm

 

 

thanks for your time to read and your kind words 

packed my gear up and headed Bush for some time out

listening to the birds and the trees watching the dragon flies and butterflies 

food for the soul

 

safe travels and thanks again for your words

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