Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Shaz51]

Have you ever considered how you can still care for your loved one without having to save them?  --- that is interesting @Daphne 

even though my mr shaz does not want any help , i have asked him to do the pros and cons of taking his meds everyday

[Daphne]

@Shaz Yeah that sounds tricky and difficult to witness. Carers or family members have told me that they feel like their own life becomes a roller coaster and they live the highs and lows of their loved one.

[Daphne]

Welcome @Former-Member @Adge @outlander 

[Shaz51]

this is soo true @Daphne 

and this is why it is hard to do our own self care or lookinf after other family members like my elderly mum

hello @Adge , @outlander , @Former-Member , @Former-Member 

[outlander]

hi @light87 and welcome

it is hard when our loved ones don't want any help. I hope youll stay after this chat so we can support you on your journey.
if you put an @ before a members name they'll receive a notification from you

[Lauz]

Sorry for all the confusion with time differences - I wonder if its because daylight savings just started! Anyway - great to have you with us @Former-Member @outlander @Adge !

Lets go to the next question and everyone can dive in 😊

Sometimes while trying to support someone else or go through a process of trying to help someone we can forget our own care. Do people relate to this feeling? Is it okay to still take care of yourself while trying to care for another?

[Daphne]

Absolutely, it is paramount. You cannot maintain your compassion for a loved one if you are not being kind to yourself. Carers or family and friends sometimes fall into that pattern of putting their life on hold and are convinced that they can only get on with their own life once their loved one is better. It is important that you are your own reference point for your life and that your identity is separate to the person you are concerned for. You can have your own passions and connections and these are really important for you to be able to sustain yourself and remain as resilient as you are.

[outlander]

Feelings that can sometimes come up when trying to help a loved one can be around caring versus rescuing. Have you ever considered how you can still care for your loved one without having to save them?


For me I find that I do try to rescue my loved one however ive also realised I cant. generally my pop mopes around the house when hes worried about something-as he has alzheimers he often doesn't remember that ive explained whatever the situation may be so it just goes round and around. I use to worry when he would mope around but ive also realised that trying to fix it sometimes does more harm then good so I make suggestions to perk him up instead of worrying so much. things he likes such as suggesting he play one of his musical instruments or watch a fave movie or do a word search for example.

[Shaz51]

Sometimes while trying to support someone else or go through a process of trying to help someone we can forget our own care. When someone doesn’t want help: Do people relate to this feeling? Is it okay to still take care of yourself while trying to care for another?

ohhh soo easy to forget ourselves @Lauz , @Daphne 

I have lost friends

[Shaz51]

Sometimes while trying to support someone else or go through a process of trying to help someone we can forget our own care. When someone doesn’t want help: Do people relate to this feeling? Is it okay to still take care of yourself while trying to care for another?

ohhh soo easy to forget ourselves @Lauz , @Daphne 

I have lost friends

[Daphne]

@outlander I think that it's important to know that we can't fix things but I love your diversion strategies. Distracting Pop with some activities that he enjoys.