Lived Experience Forum

[outlander]

this thread mustve got lost somewhere @Sahara !

and you wrote such a thoughtful post too!

so the family dynamics have changed just a little bit. since being in hospital they have realised i do way to much. they still greatly rely on me all the time. im trying to say no to things but its sooo hard to say no!

i realised how terrible everything was esp with relationships when i told them i was going to hospital. thye put all the blame onto me, and told me that im an attention seeking bi*ch.  it took them 4 days to realise that i wanst well and im still not the greatest either.

i didnt want to leave the hosiptal in fear of whats going to happen when i left. and the hopital wouldnt release me becasue every time they called me or came to see me- every second day or third day. it would make me super distressed and it would last for hours after they left and the nurses saw that and wrote it down as well.

i still have a huge amount of responsisbilites but they have eased just a bit more and my mother is beng abit more flexible at the moment. well she was. now that school has gone back. everythign is yet again being pushed onto me

[outlander]

hi @Glenn firstly welcome to the forums.

ive never been able to communicate with them, probably becasue i know what the reactions are going to eb and continuously proved right.

and thank you for the advice too

[Sahara]

Hi @outlander,

thanks for telling us about your hospital stay. Do you have some follow-up support with a psychologist or psych nurse? The only thing that comes to my mind is that you really need to get away from your family for an extended time. 

You family calling you a 'b-tch' for seeking help for your mental illness is not on! That is abuse, @outlander and you need to tell your treating doctor/psychologist about it. I really doubt you will be able to heal from depression while you are being verbally abused.

If you can get some financial help from centrelink, can you move away from home? I know centrelink have social workers who can help you. 

Or perhaps you have a friend you can stay with for a while.  

There must be some way you can get away from these people as I fear they are very toxic. 

[outlander]

hi @Sahara

i got in contact with the community mental health team who will be doing weekly calls to check in to see how im going with supports. they have also diagnosed me with borderline personality disorder which explains alot of how ive been feeling and why i act the way i do. so that was good in a way.

ive gotten in to see a psychologist who ill get into see weekly- its going to cost me a bomb though becasue my mental health care plan has run out until next year now. but i have to do it.

i see my gp weekly as well and i also have a womens health nurse who i can get into see if i need to.

theres another gp at the same practice as mine who was there when all the hospital distress and my familys blaming on me etc so if i need to i can see that one as well if mines unavaliable.

i have a psychiatrist who i see every few weeks to get medication reviews until im stable enough on one of them at a dose then she will decrease it to every 2 months to get reviewed unless i say otherwise.

i have no where i can go. thats the trouble.

my mother and sisters are looking for a house  for themselves and ill be remaining with my pop. so its like moving out of my own home. to be honest though i dont know how i would cope on my own in my own house.

i dont have any friends- sad but true- oh i have one who is two faced . i couldnt afford staying into a hotel for a long time. prob only one or two nights here and there.

a few days before i went in to the hospital, my mother and her bf where actually trying to organise their holiday!! i was trying to talk to them about the issues i had but they wouldnt listen and mums bf jsut kept saying' do we have to talk about this now' 'is it important right now, cant it wait until we arent organising things' in the weird grumpy tone like 'arrgh not agan she wants something kind of tone.

i tied to talk to them but they didnt listen to me.

all during my hospital stay they jsut kept telling me i 'have' to come home and i 'need' to come home even telling my that they are quitting their jobs becasue they know i would try my best not to let it get that far.  i only had the patient phone, it was probably recorded for all i know- good i hope it was.

the day i was going into hospital- it was involuntary and i was taken by ambulance from the gp surgery- never thought that sort of thing would happen to me- i was getting call after call msg after msg to get in contact with me, to tell me i dont need medications, to say i dont need to go into hospital, that they were loosing their jobs becasue of me, that everyone needs me.

and then while iw as in there it was still going on until the 4th day and then they tunred it around and kept telling me that i have their support and it only took two days out of hospital for that to change. they lied to me and they wonder why i dont tell them things.

they said that after their holiday they are going to get me a night into a hotel. wow how great of them, forgive me if i jsut couldnt care less about what they say they are going to do anymore

[Sahara]

Hi @outlander,

the good thing that I take away from your post is that your Mum and sisters are moving out and leaving you with your Pop. I hope they can move house very soon. I think it will be a relief to see them go.

It seems like you love your Pop and that caring for him is not too stressful. 

That's really good that you are having follow-up care with a psychiatrist, a G.P. and a psychologist. Please tell them about the problems you are having with your family. You might like to do some role-playing with your psychologist to explore ways in which you can handle your Mum, especially. 

I don't understand why everyone was threatening to give up their jobs because you were in hospital. It doesn't make any sense to me. They seemed to be in a panic?

I hope things improve for you really soon!

[outlander]

They arent even looking now or stopped looking for now @Sahara they are on the housing list but that could be yrs before that happens. So im not getting my hopes up

No my pop doesnt distress me. The person im caring for which is him is the easirst to look after. Strange as it sounds.

All the health professionals that i see knows whats goes on at home. They have all actually witnessed it themselves at one point.

They were threatening their jobs because they wanted me to come home earlier. They didnt want me there. They dont want me on medications and they didnt want me to see a psychologist either unless it was one specific one.
They said they wouldnt believe me unless i seen this one counsellor they spoke to to get me some sessions.