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22-11-2020 05:51 PM
22-11-2020 05:51 PM
self-harm impulses - should I be worried?
Things are going really well at present. However, I’m worried because my mother reckons we should go on a diet together, and I really do see her point in this - I have gained a lot of weight since being on my medications, but I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to lose it. I have explained this to her and she seemed to understand it on the level of 'the words strung together made sense', but I don't know if she 'got it'.
Also, I keep having these vivid images of self-harm pop into my brain now and then, with a strong but brief impulse to act on it. Historically, I have self harmed in small ways, nothing like the images my brain keeps generating. I currently breathe through the impulses and that stops me from acting on them, which is what really counts (or so I tell myself). I’m worried that this is part of living in recovery - that nothing will stop these impulses before they happen. I’m worried that with embarking on the diet, these impulses will become more difficult to control.
Does anyone have any experience in stopping/minimising self harm impulses?
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22-11-2020 06:53 PM
22-11-2020 06:53 PM
Re: self-harm impulses - should I be worried?
Hey @Gwynn , I'm so sorry to hear that you're having these strong thoughts.
I haven't SH myself, however I do often get thoughts of that, and worse. I know how hard it is not to do it, trust me.
I have heard, and I know it's different for everyone, that the following things may help:
- Mindfulness/grounding.
- Drawing on yourself where you want to SH with a texta or something.
- Drawing a butterfly or something nice on yourself where you want to SH, and the objective is to not hurt it and yourself of course.
- Holding ice where you want to SH.
- Snapping a rubber band gently against your wrist.
I hope these help.
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22-11-2020 07:03 PM
22-11-2020 07:03 PM
Re: self-harm impulses - should I be worried?
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22-11-2020 07:45 PM
22-11-2020 07:45 PM
Re: self-harm impulses - should I be worried?
@Gwynn I have struggled with self harm, I have found talking to someone helpful, but someone who understands. I get very strong urges when under stress, so maybe the diet is causing some underlying stress.
All the things @Former-Member has mentioned are really good. I think the deep breathing you are doing is grounding and helpful.
You can call SANE helplines for help if things get to tough.
Take care
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22-11-2020 08:07 PM
22-11-2020 08:07 PM
Re: self-harm impulses - should I be worried?
@Gwynn I'm sorry to hear that. When my Psychiatrist was overseas over Christmas last year, I felt really bad. I do like Christmas but it's always a hard time of year for me since it's just my parents & I, & has been since I was born, with the occassional visit from my Grandparents (we lived in Tassie then), but they passed away years ago. So it's always been difficult. I was suicidal around that time and I felt like I ruined his holiday.
You can try Lifeline, they're usually pretty good and quick, I always use the webchat.
@Maggie thank you, and hello
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22-11-2020 08:46 PM
22-11-2020 08:46 PM
Re: self-harm impulses - should I be worried?
Hey @Gwynn a couple of things are jumping out from your post at me. And I have to apologise in advance if this isn't helpful, but I'm going to try.
Look, what you've said about how your Mum heard you, but you don't think she really understood. That's not a small thing. When we try to share something with someone we care about, we want to be understood, we want their support, to be comforted, and not to be judged. If it's possible, do you think you can (in your head) go back to the conversation you had with your mother here, and really think about how her response made you feel. Ask yourself how you wish she would have responded. Just take a moment and think about it.
When we share something painful with someone we care about, if we don't get that validation, if we don't feel they "get it", it can be really damaging.
I have had experience with SH, and it's something I used to lean on a lot when I was younger. Now that I'm a little older, I'm aware that my impulse to SH is a response to me feeling overwhelmed with emotions that I'm not capable of processing. In my case SH is a safety response for me to shut off the emotions so I don't have to deal with the emotional pain I'm experiencing.
I don't know, but I'm wondering if maybe there is a connection between your impulse in wanting to SH and the lack of support you've received from your mother?
I personally can't bring myself to see "her point". The only thing she should be doing--in my opinion--is offering support, not judgement. That's all I can say there without spilling over into being unkind towards your Mother.
I hope this has been OK to say. Please take care of yourself. Our bodies are not the sum of who we are.
On a side note, I don't know about the medication you're taking, but is there any side affects that could have an impact on your mental health?
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25-11-2020 06:22 PM
25-11-2020 06:22 PM