Lived Experience Forum

[kristin]

@Baboo I agree, I think this would be a help. 

Can you please fix the forums - they're on full moderation ATM?

Cheers, Kristin

[Baboo]

Hey there Kristin, what do you mean by full mod sorry? Is there a delay in the msgs your seeing? I can check the set up- but im pretty sure its set up correctly atm

[Former-Member]

thankyou @Baboo and @kristin

Yes, every message i post tonight comes up saying that it will appear after its been moderated.

Kristin all the finacial stuff is collected through child support, he's challenging it and its still up to him to put it in on time.

Thanks for your help and listening tonight both of you,

LJ

[Baboo]

Ahhh, you are right- let me know if it happens again and ill click it over 😄

[Former-Member]

Things didnt go well for us in court this week. and im devastated at the result for the kids and so terrified at the thought of them spending unsupervised time wiht their father. Judge took an hour to explain his decision and it all ended up that a father has aright to have a meaningful relationship with his children. 

looks like child support are trying to negotiate with him about finances but as they cant get agreement from his workplace for debit arrangements due to his union involvement and petitioning there or something their next option is to take him to court personally. lawyer says its just another tactic to try and force me to drop charges etc. life is so hard and im exhausted from fighting. have spent last few nights on chat to lifeline which has helped but none of these problems are in any of my control but they are causing so many other problems in every part of my life that its just so all encompassing nad overwhelming that i dont know how to cope. Everything is wieghted against me succeeding in any way. Its like as a woman i can leave and get avo but he has so much control over everything else still and can make life miserable for ever, with all the legal power to back it up. And i know how much he hates me and wants my life to be hell. He used to say he would destroy me and take everything away from me and it seems he was right, he can. 

[Former-Member]

I'm exhausted and struggling to do day to day stuff. I'm so flat that its just an effort to get out of bed. I really don't want to face any part of the world and i'm actually starting to feel like it would have been better to stay with my ex. despite what he did to me while i was with him i had some little bit of control, i knew what his mood was, i knew where the kids were and i could control things. money wasnt a problem in the sense of there being enough for food and wood and all the essential things and we had a beautiful house on a farm. now the kids are missing out on so much that i cant provide for them. The stress of all the legal stuff that is so pointless is so overwhelming and has just given him continuing power over our lives anyway. i cant prove that he breaches the order by following us because its a country town and its just my word against his which isnt proof of anything. im not allowed to move again because i've moved as far away as we can and he'll get an injunction against us. and i have no idea how my kids are now going to cope with seeing him unsupervised. I am having so many flashbacks and times where i am just frozen in the day for hardly any reason thinking about what hes done in the past and what could happen in the future. I have been using lifeline chat at nights but its so hard to find the energy to keep going. sorry for all my crappy ranting. just exhausted. And i dont know how to get through this. 

[kristin]

Dearest @Former-Member

I wish I knew something I could say or do to make this better for you and the kids. I don't. But I hear you, and I feel for you. Please try to be compassionate with yourself for your struggles with the day to day stuff. This is hard and tiring at the best of times. You have just had another rug pulled out from under your feet, and a big one. But please don't go back there.

Do you think you could connect with an agency like Anglicare? Sounds like you could really do with some support for yourself and the kids.

Sending you cyber hugs my friend.

Hope for being safe endures...

Kindest regards, 

Kristin

[CherryBomb]

Hi @Former-Member

I worry when I hear statements like 'I don't know how to get through this'. Are you ok and safe for this evening?

When you're trying to find your way through challenging times, the appeal to walk down old familar roads can be so tempting. 

I think can it can feel tempting because perhaps its something you know well, and even though it caused you harm, there is a sense of (false) security in familiarity. 

When we make changes, we step outside of this familarity, and we need to navigate our way through unfamilar ground. Sometimes we can feel lost, and when it gets like this, there's an alure to take the path you know. Remember though, this path will most likely take to the same road as it has done in the past. Abuse is never ok, and while your kids may not get things they want right now, exposure to abuse can have long last effects on children in the future. You're doing amazingly well for both you and your kids right now and for the future. Hold tight @Former-Member.

I'm glad to hear that you've been using Lifeline chats. Another service you might want to try is 1800RESPECT. They provide support to people who have experienced family violence, and might be able to give you some advice around how legal stuff with your ex-partner violating his order. 

 Remember if things, get overwhelming call Lifeline , 1800RESPECT.