Lived Experience Forum

[kato]

Alot of things make it "ish" lol
I am not good and I am not bad just okayish lol

[chemonro]

I feel ish a lot too!

[Alessandra1992]

Ish is good to me..sort of a balance..so not underwhelmed or overwhelmed, okayish! @kato you've spoken before of cracking jokes with your folks is an indicator you're OK..perhaps an episode of Fawlty Towers to channel Manuel..'I know nothing"..have you ever watched the Tudor episodes of Black Adder? Laughing can lift me to a really good mood, and if the dialogue is really funny, can chuckle to myself for days after..got any suggestions for other funny shows coz you can see I am stuck in the past !

[kato]

Mr fawlty lol
I am 31 but my memory is terrible I can't think of the names of any ohh hale and pace always make me laugh but bit low brow lol

[Alessandra1992]

Low brow can be pretty darn funny @kato..like Mr Bean, Young Ones, Norman Gunston...I was wondering if one's sense of humour changes when we are becoming unwell? Mine vanishes and I become very dour if not sour to people close to me...it is a useful guage for me to watch one of my fave comedians or shows, and if I am not moved to chortling then yep, I know family isn't kidding..I am being off colour..
Which for me can mean I need time to myself to rest up, which might mean getting to bed early for a few weeks or might mean spending time with close friends.
Hard sometime to figure out if its my mental health or just ordinary stressors like work, family and life!

[Goodgutz]

I have bipolar and my family tells me i cant use that as an excuse, i am sad by what i hear and read. Im seeking some sort of help to balance my emotions and mood etc etc etc i search to find what can help me keep calm and sensible sometimes i am extremely paranoid and this keeps me from socialising. I try volunteering and i make a mess of most things i put myself into, got told today that i cant bring my intense mood to work, i express that i have bipolar, they want me to change my mood they dont get it so upsetting and frustrating. I am crying and shaking and feel isolated a voice inside my head says go for a walk....... I go for a walk wondering what the other voices in my head will tell me what to do... bipolar and depression are exhausting sometimes i dont want to wake up in the morning and deal with another exhausting day of nothingness, tired and lonely with absolutley no reason to be depressed yet here i am in that bastard mood again.....

[kato]

Hi @Goodgutz thanks for sharing what you are going through.
I and many others here understand what you are going through.
there have been alot of different examples in this forum that we all try to help keep ourselves bouyant in the good ways.
@NikNik perhaps you or another mod could help goodgutz with where to find some examples 🙂
I can't remeber where they all are.
off the top of my head some good relaxation techniques help.
I find music really helpful to pull me up and then to settle me down again keeping a balance using music I discovered here.... I have always found music changes my mood, I didn't realise until a section in the forum popped up regarding music that I discovered a way to help me.
altho I always here music..... not necessarily being played but I can hear it and I have learnt to take notice of what sort i hear, and if I play similar music it calms me down or picks me up lol
I know it sounds odd but it is something I use....

[NikNik]

Thanks for the prompting @kato 

Hi @Goodgutz - welcome to the forums. I love your username by the way!

As Kato mentioned, there are a fair few people in the forums who also have bipolar and have found themselves in  similar situations to you. @JT , @wisea  & @kristin have all had experiences with bipolar and I'm sure they will share their thoughts and experience with you. (of course all other members are encouraged to respond)

It sounds like your workplace has been quite tough on you. That doesn't seem quite fair. Has the situation changed there?

I really hope that you use these forums as a means to feel less alone. As I said, there are a lot of people here who have had similar experiences AND come out the other end.

Have you been seeking help through a professional - has that been useful?

It's really important to see a professional, who you click with, to help you with some strategies to managing your 'intense moods'. Something I have heard of working before, is setting up a 'code word' with a loved one, so when they sense that intense mood coming on, they use the code word, which is a signal to conciously use a stratgey to manage the situation. Even just becoming aware of those negative feelings as they emerge can reduce the intensity of them.

It seems like alot of the reading you have done about bipolar has left you feeling a bit helpless. There are also good news stories about people with bipolar. Here is a story about Jesse, who was disgnosed with bipolar and you might also find Terese's story helpful too.

Welcome again to the forums.

[kristin]

Dear goodgutz,

Welcome to the forum. Thanks for your courageous & painfully honest post. Clearly you do indeed have guts. Apparently far more than those around you are able to see.

Managing bipolar can be a horrible roller coaster ride, even with pysch help and compassionate & understanding friends & family. I really feel for you. There is so much here on the forum about living with bipolar I hardly know where to begin. You might try using the search function for bipolar (& typing variants such as bi-polar, as the first doesn't bring up these ones @NikNik can IT look at that pls?) I found 60 postings under just those two. There are many that are part of the same thread, but if you read as much of each thread as you find useful/supportive that might help you get a sense of what is here to help. Feel free to use the @ function to ask any of us direct questions as you have them.

You are right either one of depression or mania can be exhausting, riding between them is emotional vertigo. I suggest that you probably have very good reasons to feel depressed, even though you may not see them at the moment. Simply being misunderstood and stigmatised for MI (which you cannot help) is very depressing indeed. Social isolation can also be depressing, even when you are well. Be kind & gentle with yourself, as you would with a really good friend who is having a terrible time through no fault of their own.

I recently found this article on MI, trauma, self-medication & the huge difference a compassionate first question can make - you may find it helpful in asking yourself more compassionate questions, as MI doesn't occur in a vacuum. I'd encourage others to read it too  http://stopabusecampaign.com/feature/trauma-informed  @kenny66  @Alessandra1992 @BatGuano  (@NikNik the @ function suddenly has apparently turned itself off mid-post!)

Kindest regards,

Kristin