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Something’s not right

tiger
Casual Contributor

a mouse....

me again. yey !! 

 

i'm not in a good way at the mo. i don't mind talking about it if you don't mind reading about it. 

 

i'm not after a fix from you. nor sympathy. nor a cuppa tea. 

 

i'm an aggitated. annoyed. fearless. non my life threatening hell raising tea drinker at the moment. like the devil is growing within and angels can only watch from behind the teapot. 

 

cruising for a bruising. sooo much rage held within me. but becuase i'm a responsible, it'll come out in my immortal technique i guess. at some point. when i've reached max i guess. but to be honest my immortal technique don't go anywhere. it's another battle i fight. just bide my time. then BAM ! 

 

i'm off work at the moment. my choice. the boss doesnt understand this thing i got. all he's bothered about is getting the job done. bah.. least of my worries that is pal.

 

i don't tell him/them. i just don't rock up to work. a bit on the reverse of responsibe innit ? but all comm's are down when i'm in a low. a rage. a depression. but then i have to ex[lain my behaviour upon my comeback. hence had sooo many jobs. what is stability ? in any area. 

 

i live in a house that has 2 housemates. and when i'm in low/depreesed/rage i really wish i could be alone. as i really dont want my actions / mood whatever to influence their natural behaviour of living. 

 

i drive. i go to a place where no one can find me. no one knows where i go. it's where the indian ocean meets the southern ocean. a beautiful place. i lay on the rocks and watch the stars. listen to the waves. there is no symmpathy. no questions. no interference. just me & tea. 

 

if i entrusted my life to my room in my house i would rage outward. and rip someones throat out. cos unless all your friends have bipolar dissorder, no one appreciates how you are. how you go. they have that party at your house after they finish working at the bar. they play loud music whilst you're head is under the duvet. screaming. crying. wishing all this would end. one way or another. and this is cos it's not just my house.. it's our house. they should be able to play their music loud just as much as i don't want them too. you get me? my rights don't come above anyone elses.

 

so like the mouse. i never entrust my life to the one hole.  

 

  

 

actually a cuppa tea would be nice. but my housemate is in. i don't want to be questioned about my mood. 

 

#firstworldproblems

3 REPLIES 3

Re: a mouse....

Hey Tiger, thanks for sharing. It is really hard when our mental health is challenging and having to negotiate living with other people at the same time.
Your favourite spot sounds like a very healing space for you to get some time to yourself.
Making and drinking tea is a sanity saver for me as it diverts the attention away from what my emotions are jingling inside..even the smell of stirring sugar into my tea can help improve my mood..

Sometimes when living in shared spaces, I think we do have the right to request people to be reasonable. Because if loud music is doing your head in, then I really do think you are entitled to ask for music to be turned down, or maybe your flat mates can provide you with noise cancelling headphones?
I am not surprised that you are on edge, lack of sleep and uncomfortable living arrangements tends to unhinge many of us, well it does me!
Bunnings sells industrial level foam ear plugs, they are about $5-6 and are disposable. They really helped me when my neighbours went through a party hard stage, hope this helps.
Cheers
sandy

Re: a mouse....

Such lovely images. You're very expressive!

Re: a mouse....

Hey man, hope ur taking meds. I'm schz and my best friend is bipolar. I get rages too..... the battle with these things is long and tiring and it annoys me when i'm walking the dog and i pass someone who seems so oblivious to my pain/sorrow/rage, let alone the worlds problems. these are not first world probs though, we have been dealing with them for eva, and not many modern schools of morality have the skills to deal with them. we have a cornucopia of meds, but few with the courage to talk through the hard stuff. priests will go there but christianity re-inforces our sense of 'not-rightness'. etc. etc. plus you will prob scare the pants off most docs if you talked like that and get committed. i hope you find friends with the nous to go there/ or even better a good doc. keep being honest and stay out of trouble........ 

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