Lived Experience Forum

[Former-Member]

Hi all 

So the last few days I've been feeling triggered for an unknown reason which makes me close up and not want to deal with anything, which makes it hard to know what the best course of actions are to do in certain situations and well for this situation is made harder because the outcome of what ever I do affects my son.

So basically my son's school has decided that my son is basically not worth their time to teach. I know he is a little disruptive sometimes but I have seen others worse then him but they still get the teachers help. My son says he can't do it or its too hard and they send him to SEP to play instead of explaining and helping him through it. I know my son can do the work I've seen him complete maths sheets ment for grade 2 which is the year above but the school doesn't make him try.

My partner may have got a new job which means we should be moving soon and I can take him out of the school but people are saying that I should talk to the school... Again to make them stop but i am not in the right frame of mind. My partner wants to go to the school and blast them but I don't want them to kick my son out of the school as my partner can go overboard sometimes.

Just really stuck on what to do

[Serenity1]

I'm so sorry you are going through this- this situation sounds very familiar to my own w my daughter-I can understand how you feel!

she had a teacher grade one who would not help her do her maths & as a result she has fallen way behind- this teacher also withheld my daughters maths homework, just for fun - but handed it out to the rest of the class, except one or two other students she had taken a dislike to-

so in grade two I approached the new teacher & told her "my daughter is behind in maths due to the teacher not helping her last year "- this teacher said to me she believed it was "just a confidence problem "- which I agreed with- but she was defo behind also which was never acknowledged by the grade two teacher last Year-another girl who was in the same grade one class as my daughter & fell behind just like my daughter through lack of explanation/ help from that teacher- was in a different grade two class, her mother said the same thing to her teacher at the beginning of the year, just like I did- this girl got special one on one attention the entire year & has caught up in maths now- my daughter got no help whatsoever & the last term of yr 2 last year her teacher that I spoke to and told her she was behind at the beginning of the year- came to me now & told me she agreed "yes she is behind"- the school year was practically over. I was furious!

It is so frustrating & really unfair that children are treated differently & some favoured & others completely ignored- purely because a teacher takes an instant dislike to the child/ parent/or both-

i went off at the school in grade one because my daughters teacher was very passive aggressive abusive to me & was putting my daughter at a unfair disadvantage - I wouldn't recommend doing this if u plan to continue on at the school as I am still being treated poorly now, &she is in grade three, as a direct result of my very reasonable REACTIONS to a unfair & unprofessional teacher-I believe.

i will probably take my daughter out of the school if the situation doesn't improve- which I can't see it doing, as once you have a black mark against you as a "trouble parent "- ( even if you are not)-it never goes away-

Not all teachers/ people in positions of authority are good people- some only take these jobs to have power /control over others, & enjoy playing games with innocent people's lives because they get off on it @Former-Member 

[frog]

Hi @Former-Member  what a stressful situation.

I agree with @Serenity1 about being cast as a 'problem parent'. I've been in that position, all for raising legitimate concerns. They can just close ranks and then there's nothing you can do. 

If you have the option to change schools it might be good to have a fresh start. If so, have a discussion with the new one about what your son strengths and challenges are. I'd avoid bagging the other school (even though they deserve it) because the new one is likely to get defensive. Keep the focus on your son.

All the best with it, I feel for you.

[CheerBear]

Hi @Former-Member. That sounds like a really tricky and unfair one for you and your son to be dealing with.

You mentioned that your partner is thinking about going to the school to blast them, and as much as that might feel like a good thing to do it maybe isn't the best idea especially while your son is there. In my experience, rarely do people respond well to being blasted and that could turn against you all.

Would you be able to email the principal? I have found that email can be a great way of communicating concerns to anyone. It puts something down on paper and gives you an opportunity to voice your concerns without getting too caught up in emotions. Sometimes when I feel really strongly about something I will write it all out then keep editing when I'm calmer until I'm happy with what I'm saying before sending it. If you do email perhaps keeping the focus on your concerns and the impact on your son could help too, rather than going in to details and specifics about what has happened. That way you're asking them to address your concerns rather than defend their actions (if that makes sense).

I hope things get better for you and your son soon and that the new school is more supportive if you do move.

[Serenity1]

@frog - yes that's exactly what happened to me- it's really so unfair-& doesn't seem to ever resolve itself, no matter how friendly, polite& well behaved you act at the school- once they have decided you are a "bad parent" - that is it you have a black mark against your name &don't get treated the same ever again & more importantly in my child's classroom she has not been treated the same either& that is extremely obvious to her affecting her self confidence, because she doesn't understand why she is being treated differently-missing out on prizes, stickers etc. that all the other children receive over & over again- yet she doesn't receive even once in a whole entire year - all because a grade one teacher took a instant dislike to her/myself & I voiced my concerns & reacted to the unfair treatment- this teacher has targeted others students & those families have left the school as a direct result of her- which is so sad, because it changes the whole course of your child's life & friendships they grow up with- but what other choice do you have, stay & have it affect your child's schooling- it's such a hard decision & one I am struggling with also @Former-Member
I agree with @CheerBear that sending an email to the principal is the best option- because you can express yourself more effectively if you are struggling with not being in the right headspace-& you can keep it until you feel a bit calmer & edit it-& you also have solid evidence of the effort you have made in addressing & trying to resolve the problem affecting your child, that you can refer back to if you don't get any help, change, or taken seriously 💖