Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Kara]

Hey everyone

So my mother has been in the mental health ward earlier this year and they said she had a psychotic episode. She is now really bad again, not sleeping, having hallucinations (talking to herself and seeing people), really bad memory! depression, anxiety and will not take medication as she does not think there is anything wrong.

Today her GP saw her talking to herself and told her she can not drive and called my aunty to get the keys off her. GP called the Shellharbour mental health ward to advise them to contact her case working (who only calls her anyway and she says she is fine).

My aunt talks to my mum and confirms what the Dr says, but mum cant remember. Mum gets angry and tell her to get out of her house. My aunt takes her car keys and then my mum pulls her hair and hits her in the lip. very sad but she shouldnt be driving!

I called mums GP to advise her she has been abusive and hit my aunt. The GP calls the ambulance and sends a letter to the hospital. My aunt also completed a police report about the incident for the hospital.

So mum was at the hospital all day.. then I get a call from the Dr who advised me they notice her memory is bad but she has not shown any signs that she needs to be admitted.. even though the GP has called the ambo and there has been abuse! They can not force her to be admitted and she has not been voluntry to tests in the hosp..

What next?? I am so fustrated! do they leave people to get really really bad til they hurt themselves to then be admitted???

Can someone help give me some guidence because I know I will now have trouble getting my mum to see SP and her GP

Thanks in advance

Kara

[NikNik]

@Kara 

Welcome to the forums

There are some really inspring members online at the moment who may have some advice for you:

@Cazzie @SadMum @GivingMick - any suggestions for Kara?

Also - even though the discussion is closed, you might find the this discussion of interest.

Welcome again,

nik

[GivingMick]

It is a process of elimination, that the patient must be willing to participate in. Completing the due course truthfully, makes the process smoother and more efficient. Also, there needs to be correct diagnosis. So the right medication is given for best effectiveness.
All this must be done, with the patients consent. If the patient is unable to care for themselves, the carer must be the medical power of attorney, to get the patient hospitalised. The Shellharbour m.w. and her g.p. would have to agree to this being for her best interests.

[Kara]

Thank you givingmick, I do appreciate that info!

[GivingMick]

The above answer I gave sounds overly official. I apologise for that. Being their for a loved one can be very difficult when they themselves don't realise, let alone remember, that they are having difficulties in everyday life. It may be a difficult decision. But it is only possible with your mothers co-operation.
Take care, Kara. I hope I have helped in some way.

[Kara]

Oh I was being serious 🙂 it does help, makes me understand I haven't missed anything, thank you

[SadMum]

Hi  @Kara 

I feel for you. I don't know that I have any fabulous advice for you really, but wanted to let you know that I feel your pain and frustration. You seem to be in a very difficult situation.

In a forum I was just taking part in there was some discussion about boundaries and trying our best to maintain them. This of course, is often really really difficult with loved ones. I mention this because perhaps you might want to make a bit of a plan for keeping yourself safe whilst also making the best decisions for your mother. 

It sounds like you made a really sensible decision to call your mother's GP, and the GP also made a good decision to ring the ambulance. I understand your frustration about your mother being released from the hospital when she is clearly suffering a mental health issue. 

I guess if I was in your situation I would try to mentally have a plan (or even write it down if you have to) about what you plan to do if a similar episode happens again. eg. If she tries to drive again when in this state I will ring the police, If she is abusive again I will ring the police etc. It may seem hard line but if she is not well and is putting herself or others in danger then sometimes difficult decisions need to be made. 

Do you have any other family members who can support you with this situation? If so, try and open the lines of communication with them and tell them how concerned you are. Ring the GP again in the morning and update them about the latest development. Rally all the support you can around you to help you in this difficult situation.

All the best.

[PeppiPatty]

Dear Kara,
Gee, sad mum has good advise.

1. Plan
Get a support person when you know you can rely on.

2. Write a plan down that you and your support person agree upon. two heads being better than one.

So...you have a good written down plan . S. Mum's great advise is the best and accessing short term help in ARAFMI is always a good thing to do as well.

Your not alone. your heart is really nice.

[PeppiPatty]

okay, I've read Giving Mick again, that is so true, to have her correctly diagnosed.

I have one of my little books in front of me about why diagnose and this book writes..that people are not seen as these amazing interesting people when you first look at them...people's pain gets brushed away because people can't bear to hear or see their pain......the too hard people get put in the too hard basket and get told they have a punishing label....why diagnose by professionals ?

Because when diagnosed, a treatment plan can be put in action.
Medication can be administered which is suitable.
Pain can be let out in manageable ways. So the patient will not flee when going through treatment.

[Cazzie]

Hey Kara,
Not sure that I can be very helpful as the situations of those we care for are almost completely different. The exception being the Land of Denial those we care for live in, so I can understand where you're coming from emotionally.
Those we care for often seem hell bent on making our lives miserable. For the most part they are usually so unstable they have no idea what they're doing to us. The Land of Denial is a nice cosy place to live and from there they can blame everyone else for what's going wrong in their lives.
I guess the only words of comfort I can give you are that it's not personal and she obviously loves you very much.
It's a truism when we say we hurt most those we love most. It's equally true that the hurt we inflict isn't about those we inflict it on. It's about us or, on this case where your mother is hurting you, it's all about her. She hurts you because she knows you'll take it. She knows you'll always be there because that's what we, as loving children, do for our parents.
I'm not going to give you platitudes about staying strong. You obviously are strong and you're doing the best you can in a very difficult situation. Just know that everyone on these forums is supportive. We're all here to listen, offer advice when we can and point you in the direction of getting help wherever possible.
Don't feel alone.