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Something’s not right

horsecrazy4eva
Contributor

There’s no light… it’s darkness

I am struggling severely…. Yes I se*f ha*m, it takes some of my pain i can’t get rid of… for now… but i know it will run into a point where it won’t do anything… every day… 

 

I hate my life, I hate myself, basically a marriage has ended… the separation part has been hard… but it has elevated the stress like many would say, 

 

I identify as having ADHD, and I hate having it, sure it’s a label… it more severe then what i thought! I had no idea at all!!! 

Have not been coping for many months… took out my stress of other half who eventually went “screw you I’m done” 


I don’t want to be here in this position which tipped me over the edge and sent me to the psych ward… 

 

psych ward experience… use medications to stop the thoughts and plans and basically drug you up to the eyeballs… what use is that?! How does that teach you anything?! How to cope?! It does nothing.. : (… then they wonder why there are “frequent flyers”… because we ain’t taught nothing… read a bunch of papers given yeah come on as if! Who has the brain to do that when you feel so low?! Waste of my time and money… 

 

feeling like daily drinking a poison from a vine… daily… and the poison says “your worthless, why bother, waste of space waste of time… waste of everything 

 

I wish it would stop, 

 

I swear I am getting daily headaches from one of the medications, especially around mid day, what’s up with that?! 

I do have an amputated limb and think that site could be infected (oh crap!) so that’s not helping anything either 

 

why why why?! 

can’t I have a normal life?! Apparently not 😓 

 

thanks for reading - venting/rant 

1 REPLY 1

Re: There’s no light… it’s darkness

Hi @horsecrazy4eva 

 

I hear just how dark things are feeling right now. It sounds like you've been through such a lot and I'm glad that you're able to use this space to vent

 

I understand the psych ward was not a helpful experience for you. Have you been able to access any other supports or services since this time that have been helpful?

 

Have you gotten in touch with your doctor about your worries about infection? If you're worried at all I'd encourage to get this looked into as soon as you can

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