Forums Home

Carers Forum

Acceptance, connection, support. Share the journey.

Safe, anonymous discussion for people living with mental illness, moderated 24/7 by mental health professionals.

Read the community guidelines
Showing results for 
Search instead for 
Did you mean: 

Something’s not right

Casual Contributor

Struggling at the moment


My wife was sexually abused by her grandfather, her dad was generally uncaring and she is estranged from her mother who has a serious mental illness. Since our child was born, four years ago, my wife has become more and more verbally abusive towards me. I rarely know when it's going to come. Seemingly unrelated discussions end up as attacks on me quite often. My wife refuses to awknowledge her behaviour and refuses to see a cousellor etc. She now won't allow any discussion about her attacks. Her general behaviour is becoming more erratic. She has read my online messages and says I betrayed her by giving a very watered down version of what's happening to my sister. I see a counsellor, and they have advised me that I'm in an abusive and manipulative relationship and that I should leave. I don't think I can leave because I need to be with and protect our child. I still love my wife, but all the really nasty and mean things she says are hurting me terribly. I'm a good husband and father. 

I recently found out I'm losing my job of three years after I was informally told my employment would continue indefinitely. 

So, feeling pretty low and really don't know what to do about my wife. I know I have to go on for my child, but not really seeing the light at the end of the tunnel right now.


Re: Struggling at the moment

Hi @spelled3,

This sounds like a very difficult situation - I am really glad you have come to the forums.

Our members have so many shared experiences and are always full of support. It can be so hard to help a loved one that doesn't want the help. I'm sorry you are feeling low at the moment.

You may like to look and post in this thread- How to encourage spouse to get help, we also hosted a very interesting Topic Tuesday around supporting the women in your life.

I hope this helps!


Re: Struggling at the moment

Hi @spelled3
You have so much going on - maybe tackle one thing at a time - your job is really important so make sure you look after yourself enough and focus on your next career steps and secure another role - it's really hard to do anything else if you lose employment altogether ... you must stay strong for your own survival and for your child. Take a day at a time and make sure you take moments for yourself to recharge ... as you think through your options maybe you will find a way to connect to your wife and edge her towards seeking help of some kind - really thinking of you and sending you the best vibes in the world ! .. stay hopeful and keep reaching out x

Re: Struggling at the moment

Thanks Lauz.

Re: Struggling at the moment

Thanks Mandy1.

For urgent assistance, call: