Lived Experience Forum

[Former-Member]

I went on a walk today, and I was doing some breathing and mindfulness exercises. I am not sure but I think I walked around the block 5 or 6 times. I became cognizant of something my family have been saying to me for quite some time, but it never really registered with me before. I have a tendency to repeat myself in conversation, I sit on a single point and say it about 5 or 6 different ways before moving on to the next thing. People tend to find this frustrating, and after a few times they will cut me off and change the subject, and I will often internalise and drift off in my own thoughts. I don't know what to do.

This, of course, is only a small part of a bigger problem that I have been dealing with and am medicated for, however, I seem to have some level of self-awareness today that I do not have a lot of the time. My family seem to have the mindset that my illness is only a problem when it inconveniences their lives, but are happy for me to stare at a blank wall lost in a train of thought day in and day out. 

[SJT63]

@Former-Member 

my partner does this (bipolar, ptsd) but I usually don't cut him off because that makes him too angry.

Some of it is the illness, some of it is because, overwhelmingly, he feels like he's never been listened to and sometimes it's just plain mansplaining.

Luckily I can tell the difference so when it's the latter I will interrupt and tell him that "I do get it".

Self awareness is a wonderful thing.  Maybe you could practise listening to yourself while you're speaking and try to move on with a conversation before they lose interest?

I realise that is a big ask.... good luck.

[Appleblossom]

Hi @Former-Member 

Its great you are walking and getting insights into your own and your family dynamics.  Its not great that you feel they are fine with you staring at the wall. I spent a lot of years more insular and isolated when I was younger, at uni etc.

I kind of had the opposite problem in my family.  Mother was religious and I had to fit in with all her repetitive, prayers and rituals.  Which I did, even saying a decade of the rosary with my brother when she was in palliative care. Respect went one way in our relationship, which is hard.  2 way respect is better if we are lucky enough to get it.

Repetition plays many roles in our mental life and social life,  Regularity is an important part of growing maturity and development.  Me just rambling in response to your post.

Take Care

Apple

[LostAngel]

Sorry for what your going through today I hope that you find friends here who will listen ,sometimes its so hard to make our families understand how where feeling I am sorry that it sounds like your family is for the most part not being as helpful or supportive as they could be, in saying that exercise is a great outlet so keep up the good work of walking often as its a good outlet stay safe LostAngel

[grayhorn]

Hi Pax

I love your piano symbol, do you play?

I get family opinions and get read the riot act about staying on my meds. 

I get the way you seem to be saying you're family is fine if you are in a depressive state, they don't worry about you then.  For me my family feels I am more the person they know when I'm down, but when I break through into the light again and have more energy and am interested in life again, they get scared for me. At the mo, I'm trying for a balancing act between their needs and mine. I want to keep our relationships strong but still have some sort of life. Times gone past I haven't done so well in that department, but I have NDIS help now, and I write stream of consciousness thoughts some mornings. Nothing too spectacular, and try and play some music to express/release how it is for me. Physical pain and grief are big triggers for me, and my son says to talk about what's going on, not to keep it all to myself like I used to, cos that for sure didnt work.

Maybe you say things 5 or 6 times because you are'nt being heard?

Walking so far with mindfulness sounds awesome. It's wonderful you had some insight into what happens within yourself in your innteractions with your family.

I wish you well my friend. 

[Former-Member]

Yes, I play a little synth here and there.

I think the repetition is partly an Aspergers or OCD thing, I am not sure.