Seeing doctors when you don't leave the flat?

[Appleblossom]

Thank you @Jacques

The whole Battle of the Sexes goes both ways. Neither sex is completely innocent. I hate it when females use men or let down "our" side by being bitchy. 

The great thing about the ladies in my new choir, is that we can do good quality music AND have a laugh about innocent things like language. How Latin can seem to have lots of sexual references. They are not mean and do not gossip.  It is such a relief to have found decent people in Australia. Its taken a while. 

The other weird thing. Is that the lady of the house (from choir) introduced me as family to her kids as they coincidentally have a link going back 4 generations which connects with my father who had nobody on the planet except me. 

Change is interesting. I have a photos of my father from school (1930s) because they kept some records.  We only had one photo taken of him.  My mother would jeer about the quality of the camera he bought us, but I always accepted anything and praised my husband for putting up a shelf and helped him with self esteem and sexual function.

For a long time I hated it when women mocked men for being no good in the kitchen ,, it was unconscious then but I was "siding" with my long dead father. Issues of access to food and shelter should not be taken for granted or held over people's heads.

Then the problem becomes general wariness and distrust because we have all heard enough horror stories.

I am proud of my son.  He does not like to leave our place except for necessaries but is gradually growing into a man who works with his own fear, but has a social conscience.  What more can a mum ask.

Thank you for being you.  Dont take on any generalisation as your fault. We all have enough on our plate just being ourselves. You  @Jacques have made this forum worthwhile for me.

[Jacques]

Hi @Appleblossom

i know it goes both ways, women can be cruel too, but a man seems to have the ability to toally distroy a woman physically and mentally,  it seems to be a bigger impack on women and children than men.

it is good you have found some women whom you really gel with, it is good to have friends especially when their is so many negative people out their. 

It is great you have found some of your fathers family i am too frightenend to get in contact with any of dad's family, too much bad history.

i have very little photo's of my father and his mother, when my grandmother got cancer and died a lady got her to rewrite her will and took everything, photo's, documents, property, everything,  she burned all of the photos and documents and had my grandmothers ashes dumped at the tip.  you are so lucky to have photo's i wish i had some.

yes it seems when people are in relationships they seem to sour,  they are so lucky to have found someone and they throw it away, i wish i could meet someone i would be so kind to them.

it is good your son is growing out of his shyness, make sure you encourage him to get out of the cycle, it will damage him in the long term if he gives in to the isolation.  it has done so to me.

i will not take on any blame,  i just don't like how people treat each other, they are so lucky to have a loving and caring relationship and they treat it like that.  they don't know how lucky they are/were.

thankyou @Appleblossom that is so kind,  you and everyone on here has been os kind and careing to me,  i feel like i have a place in society on this forum.

Take Care

Jacques

[PeppiPatty]

hi people, @Appleblossom an @Jacques

Some women have such unreasonable expectations on men. 

[Appleblossom]

 @PeppiPatty hmmm . I am not sure what you mean about reading messages or that you dont want to hear my struggles..  

That your family were legal people and that you tried to improve MH laws in your state is good. I try and contribute in my way.

I am also sensitive, maybe even paranoid about being blamed for everything.

About 5 years ago I was ridiculed by my mother when I introduced her to important church music people in my life. I was shocked that she did not raise the issue with me directly but played a public shame game when I spent my life getting her off the hook. I had hoped she would be pleased for my recovery but she turned into the punishing figure and knocked me down yet again.

Hi @Mazarita  How are you today .. Did you get out and about?

@Jacques

Yes you are right about the level and length of impact that a toxic relationship can bring to women and children. It can be scary and put off people from relationships all together.  I was almost in the place to say no to any relationships when I was presented with a 6 week old bub who needed caring .. silly me couldn't say "no" to the baby. I had respect for my husband's effort in a number of endeavours and that still holds, but I owe it to myself not to cave in and underestimate the destruction caused to me personally.  I was shocked when he was only 8 years old and expressed worry about my physical and emotional state.(mod alteration)  He should not have been allowed to experience that. He has been my greatest help and I wont abandon him.

As a society we are not quite getting at the bottom of social problems.  Despite all the physical comforts and prosperity and the new improved DSM. MI is increasing.

[Former-Member]

yes i think men and boys have it pretty tough too.. not as much abuse perhaps (but still far too much) but society places such huge expectations on what is 'manly'. Toughen up... You run like a girl ... hit like a girl ... real men don't cry... if you dont like footy you're not a real guy, if youre not into sports... if you like books you're a wuss. From day one i think our lil boys are taught to that they have to be something... no matter whats on the inside. I think its even reflected in clothes.. there's so much less choice for boys than girls and only a few colours because boys have to conform to the expectations. I think thats a lot to do with why the suicide rate for young men is just so high... 

i hope that im teaching my lil boy that he can be who he wants to be and he'll be cherished for that uniquness. 

LJ

[Jacques]

Hi @Appleblossom and @PeppiPatty

@PeppiPattyi know some women can be difficult but that does not excuse mens behaviour,  men are strong and should never abuse that power they have,  if they can't handle their partners ways, leave, two wrongs don't make a right.

@Appleblossomi am so sorry you had to go through what you did, eve nthough you may feel like you have moved on their is still a mental impact from the past.  and your some should not have to witness or deal with the mental anguish of what he did to you,  it does not matter what good things he has done,  it will always be overshadowed by the bad things he did.

i always look down at men whom abuse women as weak,  they can not pick on a man but can harm a woman, to me is a sign of their own inadeqacies not their partners inadequacies.  men like that need to be held to account for their actions.  I am so proud of @Former-Member for standing up to her abusive partner as hard as it may be.

i am sorry for rambling on, it just really annoyes me how society turns a "blind eye" to  the problem.

Take Care all

Jacques

[Jacques]

Hi @Former-Member

you are spot on the money,  societies expectations have to change, i remember when i was at primary school i did a cake decorating course, as my grandparents friends were wedding cake makers, i and my parents where told "boys do not do this",  my father forced them to allow me,  and i did well, what i could not understand at the time was, most bakeries had men working in them.  it was weired to me what the difference was.

I am glad and proud of you @Former-Member for standing up to your former partner and showing your little boy he ca nnot be held in societies restrains.  He can be and do what he likes.  I am sure he is growing up in a different world to us,  schooling has changed so much sice we where their.

I will be thinking of you tomorrow,  i hope all goes well.

Jacques

[Appleblossom]

@JacquesThank you for telling me I count too. I had to go away and lie down for a little while because I "triggered" myself ..lol ..reminding me about my son, and how I felt when I left my marriage, but it is 13 years ago and I am much better now.

The story about that horrible old lady who interfered in your grandmother's family is outrageous.  It is a pity you dont have a few mementos. 

I was also lucky in that one of the last things my father did before he died was buy me a little desk or bureau.  I was 10 but I knew it belonged to me and it stands in my entry hall now.  Probably why I became such a good student. When I was younger I thought I was in complete control of my life and decisions.  Yet as I age I see so many complexities in each person's life .. like Carol King's "Tapestry"..

[Mazarita]

@Appleblossom,

Hi, yes, went out for a walk again today. A couple of loads of washing done. Emotional and teary tonight, going through some stuff that's not worth detailing. Overall, not the best day, not the worst. How are you?

[Appleblossom]

A bit the same as you. No washing today. Not the worst or the best day.  Yes, trivia can be boring, but every now and then we need to mention it as well as the D & M.

Just got back from station with son .. he was happy.

Moderator asked me to change a post.  It is hard to know what parts of myself I have to censor, so I just try to post with good intent and hope they will pull me up if they dont like it.  I was raised in a bit of a vacuum so it feels good, clarifying and validating. I have always been a writer so I dont mind finding different ways to express things.

It was nice to see your msg in my inbox