Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Buttercup]

Hey guys

My partner has been diagnosed with 'anxiety'. However, before he took his meds he would sleep for days then work all night and all day. I initialy thought it was me and I was unreasonable. 

He is currenty on meds. If he doesn't get the brand name one, then things go pear shaped. A couple of weeks ago he took the generic ones and has only just got back on the brand name ones. Things are starting to improve, but boy, is it hard.

He sees the pshyc about 4 - 6 weeks. To get to that point, we were at point break. 

I have noticed that if he drinks achohol, it will affect his mood, in a bad way. For instance he objected to the word 'chap' last night. Saying it disasociated him from the person I was talking about, even though I gave the persons name. Before he started on his medication he would say I didn;t talk to him enough and I treat him differently. Back then he objected to the word 'client' as it didn't put names and faces to a story I was recounting. Again he felt left out and it left me very confused as that wasnt my intention. 

Its very hard when what I feel I am doing is being myself, which other people dont get to see. And when Im being myself, which is what he asked for, its not right.

When the drugs work, he is fantastic, he says he fees good and he is productive. It used to be a nightmare for me when he would go to sleep and not get up to work, return calls for work and not care if things went to the dogs.

I really think it has affected me greatly. Now that he has been on the drugs for a while, things have improved vastly. However, a sniff of things going down hill, and I cannot handle it. 

Last night I was so overwhelmed by his reaction to the word 'chap' that I didn't just brush it off as I should have done, I reacted. I tried to reason with him. HE wouldnt listen and I then hit the wall and banged my head on it. It really fried my brain.

I have a very positive outlook on life, I have been extremely patient and find I am always trying to help and make things okay. Its taken its toll.

Now I feel Im about to have a breakdown myself. I work hard at my own business, I am tired a lot as I have a physical job. I would just like someone to tell me its okay.

I dont have family in this country and sometimes I just need a hug from my mum. Its hard.

Could someone please put me in the direction of suppport

[Alessandra1992]

Hi Buttercup, you are doing the best you can, and your partner is doing the best he can and the problem is his mental health state at the moment.
It is really important to look after your own mental health at this point, as you sound as though you are far from home. Although your mum isn't here, can you skype her?
Will you accept a virtual hug? Here's one from me...if you can contact your local neighbourhood house or community health centre, maybe call them and have a chat about how can you get some support in your carer's role.
When your partner and you are in a less stressed state, can you perhaps have a chat about whether he might want more support as seeing a psych every 4-6 weeks may simply not be enough to get him through his difficult days. Would he consider having a look at the Lived Experience Forum?
I do feel for you both as you are probably both bewildered by how you are reacting to each other in unexpected ways. Be kind to yourself and reach out in your community where you live as sometimes we do need face to face support..
I hope this helps...

[CherryBomb]

Hi Buttercups,  

Welcome to the forums. It's great to see you on here. 

Things sound tough for your both. It seems like he's struggling with his MI, and you feel as though you're walking on eggshells around your partner. And despite your efforts, it's hard to get things 'right', which sounds is immensely tiring for you.  It's no wonder that's you're feeling worn out.

I think there's no right or wrong in this, however, only intentions. And by the sounds of it, you only have good and loving intentions for your boyfriend, and that, to me, is pretty important. You are doing the best you can. 

You sound so patient to have come this far. How have you managed? I can see that you work so hard to care for your partner, but I wonder who's caring for you? I ask this because many carers end up focusing so much on caring for their loved ones, they end up forgetting about themselves, which can wear them down. Remember, it's ok to care about you too.

I'm really glad that you've shared your experiences on the forums. I can only imagine how isolating things could feel right now for you being far from your family. Do you speak with your family often? There is a service called ARAFMI, which you might find useful. It's a service that specifically provides support to people who care for/about others with MI. 

Like Sandy, I'd to also like to offer you a cyber cuddle.... if you need and want one, we're always here. 

CB

[PeppiPatty]

DEar Buttercups,

It took me longer than one hour to get back to you and apologies. But already the wonderful Allesandra1992 and Cherrybomb have contacted you.

Buttercups, when I first read your message, I was reminded about my own journey,,,still in it...how much ti too much...waking up to oh gosh, how is today going to go??

I wonder what he would say if you said in the morning.....I am going to go for a coffee at a cafe today.

Just that.

And do it.

You have done nothing wrong.

[NikNik]

Hi @Buttercup 

Just wanted to check in & see how things are going.

Hope things have picked up for you.

Nik