Lived Experience Forum

[HenryX]

Hello @BlueBay 

@Jynx, @BPDSurvivor and others, I think, are on the right track, probably because they know, from their own personal experience, the feelings that you are experiencing now. They had to get through stages like that. I have too.

I suggested recently:

"I reckon that you can handle it. Just relax with whatever you like to drink and try not to shut all the activity out. The more resistence that you force into what is going on, the more tense you are likely to become.

Mindfullness involves letting, what you would normally fight and get anxious about, simply wash over and past you. You can retain your peace and let everything else flow over you."

From what you have said, I believe your extended family are keen to give you both support and encouragement at this time. It is not pleasant to feel as though you are relying on other people, even those close to you. However, nothing that you would not want to happen will occur, if you rest in the reassurance that those special people are with you.

Frankly, it takes guts to rest in the reassurance of others. You are not depending on them, but resting with the reassurance that they care about you and want you to be able to make best use of the resources available so that you can help yourself.

With My Very Best Wishes to You and Your Family

@HenryX 

[Jynx]

Hey @BlueBay sorry it took me a hot second to respond. I really echo what @HenryX  is saying about letting things wash over you. What we resist, persists, and sometimes you can put it on the shelf, other times you just need to leave it there on your desk. It's still in view, and might still be troubling, but you can also work around it. 

I don't think this is complaining, this is venting. As long as you feel lighter or a bit better when sharing, then it's serving you well to talk it out - and we're always happy to listen 

[oceangirl]

Hi my sister @BlueBay 

I'm sorry you're in tough place atm, I can relate to how you feel. I do care about you and want to see you happy and healthy. Here if you want to talk. Lots of hugs and love

[BlueBay]

Hi @oceangirl @Jynx @HenryX @Shaz51 @BPDSurvivor @Emelia8  @MDT  and others ive forgotten 

my GP rang as he knew I was in ED on Monday. He wanted to see how I sm and was surprised the hospital didn't do more tests. 
anyway he told me to take some anti nausea tabs (which I found I had some) 

ive feeling very shaky Msybe it's the new AD. 

Walked 5km with hubby this morning. Beautiful morning by the bay. So warm tiday. Now waiting gir my daughter and little A to come so we'll go to beach for a little bit. 
I'm so anxious in my stomach. It's terrible. Oh and I have 3pm psychologist phone appt today. First time with new guy. 

[Shaz51]

Hugs my sister xoxo @BlueBay ❤

[Sophia1]

Hello @BlueBay 

I think that I am correct in saying that you are now out of hospital....now waiting to hear from surgeon when operation will occur?

In the interim you have been inundated with new therapist to help with dbt course..

You also are still in pain with your hernia..

No small wonder that you are worn out..

Tending an emergency department is completely exhausting and draining in itself....even moreso when we struggle  with symptoms of unwell minds at times.. 

It is so much harder to explain our needs when we are physically unwell and or in severe pain on top of all of this..

You are so very strong and this probably will just bounce straight off of you..

I think that you also wrote about concerns of christmas looming and all the expense that brings with it..

First and foremost is you still , Bluebay...you must look after your physical health...

this includes not putting any further pressures on yourself..

I have had so many uncomfortable experiences over the years around christmas...from family members...birth and extended families..

I have dreaded christmas for such a long time.

I now am lucky enough to be married to someone who accepts me as I am...yes the me who has been told throughout my life that I am different.....this is actually what he loves about me..

Never thought that I would write those words..

So Christmas has changed for me...even though I only see one son...no sister..no mum...no older son..

What I am trying to say in albeit a very long winded way...is that Christmas can be whatever we make it..whatever we choose together with the loved ones we are sharing it with..

It is not what marketing tells us it is..

You have family also..

Christmas does not have to be expensive.

It does not have to be traditional...if you like traditional even that is achievable...costs shared with all who come...even though that is not how it was when we were young..

Food wise ...if not already happening...guests bring side dishes or desserts..

If your concern is around presents...my extended family for the last two years have changed the present exchange thank goodness...

We now all are given a name of a person and it is up to us to buy a $20 present for that person....

That is it...one present...

Everyone gets one present...

Husband and buy something very small and then decide on something that we would like to do together after christmas...just the two of us...that varies too...can also be inexpensive..whatever you both decide on..

Grandchildren are different I understand the wanting to buy something for them up to a certain age if money is an issue..

Are you able to write a list of what is the most important thing about christmas for you..

is it the traditional meal?

is it the expectation of present giving and to how many?

is there any pressure of trying to compete with others who spend more?

The true meaning of Christmas is lost in today's world.

Sharing time with those whom we love and want to spend time with...

some people have breakfast together...

bbq..picnic..

It will happen...let someone else take that part on for you this year...

I am not good at asking for help at all...this is new for me..

Now I am finding when I do...help comes my way.....It actually feels good....Person helping feels good also..

So ask for help from your family  to take this christmas planning...budget...everything off of your shoulders..

Focus on your health so that you get to be present on Christmas day....relax a little and perhaps enjoy the day

Sorry about the length

Sophia

[BPDSurvivor]

Hope today brings you better things @BlueBay !

 Let us know how you go with new pdoc.

[BlueBay]

Thanks @Sophia1 @for your reply. I appreciate it a lot. 
I had my first phone session with my new psychologist. He seems nice and is very experienced with DBT for BPD. He worked for a DBT clinic in Melbourne for over 10 yrs. 

I'm very lucky to have him. 
I told him a bit about my history in between crying. Talking about my childhood trauma is still affecting me. And also losing my job. 
anyway he said he is able to help me. 

I emailed my psych to let her know about the new medication she gave me and how I'm feeling. 

seeing my GP next week. And speaking to surgeon next week as well. 

I think this new med is making me feel very anxious or more than before. I'm very fidgety. 

im going to put selling our house on hold until after Xmas. 
Im going to start this week to look at a few little things for Xmas for my granddaughter   Not expensive but just a few little items. 
Lunch for Xmas - im going to ask my boys if they can pay for some of the food to help us. I know they'll help. They always do. 
as long as my kids and us are altogether that's the important thing. 
If my parents don't want to come - well it's their loss. Sad but I can't do anything about it. 

I do go into "panic mode" whenever I think of money Xmas or house selling. Or even work. I get so anxious. But if we sell our home next year I may not have to wirk. 

Thsnks everyone for caring so much. Sometimes I feel I don't deserve all this care snd support. 
@BPDSurvivor @Shaz51 @oceangirl @Jynx @MDT @HenryX @Emelia8 

[Sophia1]

Oh dear @BlueBay 

I had no idea that you were also attempting or starting to prepare to put your house on the market on top of dealing with everything else that you are going through..

One of the difficult things that all of us who suffer from symptoms of an unwell mind can easily forget..

Some of the emotions that are affecting us have nothing to do with our unwell mind..

They are feelings that are a natural response to external situations..

Selling a house is up there near the top of the list of anxiety provoking for people who have a mind that is well.

Losing your job is another one near the top of the list of anxiety provoking for again people who have a mind that is well....

Family squabbles...disagreements...judgements...estrangements huge ....very near the top of the list...again anxiety provoking for people who have a mind that is well..

Struggling with finances....huge factor...again anxiety provoking for people who have a mind that is well..

Communication...this is a huge one in my mind across all walks of life....everyone will experience anxiety at some stage in their life around this one..

Considering everything that you are dealing with, if you take out those 5 factors , look at what is left....

you are actually managing incredibly well..

Your communication skills are working well for you and you are managing to get people to pay attention and listen...hear....actually help..

This can be incredibly hard to achieve for most people..

Now I read that you have actually planned christmas...have been heard again...receiving support from sons...starting to buy small presents for granddaughter...well done on that one as well..

Bringing you family together to share christmas...the most important factor being about all being together..

That is pure love and brings joy  to my heart to read..

That is how Christmas should be..

Your new DBT sessions already started...plus you feel comfortable with him...safe...have hope for improved health..

Your doctor and surgeon are keeping you uptodate...brilliant...again you have been heard..

I know that this is so long..

I just want to reinforce how far you have come...yourself....helping yourself...if you look back to where you felt that you could not communicate..

You are excelling at communication my lovely @BlueBay 

Please do not compare yourself to others..

Often those we think are coping very well are not inside..they have become very clever at hiding that part from the world..

I used to be one of those...still am with extended family...

I have only just this year let my husband see the tears running down my face...asking for a cuddle..no words...just a cuddle..

Be very proud of how much you have achieved under such trying circumstances..

Be proud of you..

There will still be trying times...hard work to do with your DBT under support of therapist so that you can continue to work towards having a better quality of life..

Thank you for continuing to share with me also..

I feel happy from reading how much you have achieved..

Sophia 💛 I am going to share sunshine with you today as I think that you are radiating within..

Your inner strength has jumped out and worked hard..xx

[BlueBay]

Aww thanks lovely friend @Sophia1 

I am trying I really am 

under these extremely stressful times I am still plodding along 

I still feel it's difficult 

I find at times I don't deserve the support 

I feel I'm bad snd not good enough for help 

 But even though I feel like this I thank you so much for your comment. 

im sorry @Snowie i Forgot to tag you. Not intentional. Sorry 

hi @BPDSurvivor  how are you ? Ant covid cases near you. We have a few in our area and about two schools. Not good.
hi @Shaz51  my sis how are you, hubby and your dear mum. I really understand ehst it's like being a carer for your mum. Hugs.
hope you're ok @HenryX  I always enjoy chatting to you 

@MDT  how's your day been?

@oceangirl  sis how are you tiday?

@Emelia8 my lovely how are you? Always in my thoughts 

@Anastasia @Bow @Eve7  hope you're all ok too xxxx

take care everyone xxxxoooo

xxxooooo