Lived Experience Forum

[tyme]

My dear @P12 ,

Thank you for giving us a bit of an update about where things are at. I'm sorry they still feel so difficult.

Loneliness is so hard. It means you are stuck in your own mind day after day, night after night.

Do you think utilising these forums more often is a good way to keep connected with society?

At the same time, it's totally okay to be in touch with nature.

After reading your above posts, I have to say I have little to no empathy. At first, I found this terribly distressing to realise, but I really don't know how to 'learn' empathy. Yes, I generally sympathise and over-sympathise, but I really struggle to find a place for empathy.

I'm not 100% pleased about it, but then again, I function so well in society that maybe it's okay??? I don't know.

I don't have any close friends, but I don't want any either. I'm quite happy the way things are. Yet I hear this is a struggle for you and I hear you have been trying for a long time. I sure hope things get better.

[P12]

Thanks @deshift and @tyme . I appreciate your thoughtful replies.

I think I have used this forum less frequently recently because I found that some of my recent posts apparently did not create much interest. I have been using a different forum with some reward.

I believe everyone including me and you has empathy, though some people are more gifted than others. Books like "Nonviolent Communication" and "A Fearless Heart" have helped me understand what empathy is. Empathy, compassion, and kindness are all subtley different. I think I value knowledge and theory, so understanding a concept brings me some satisfaction even though I'm not sure I am able to apply it in practice with other people.

Don't give up on your goals. I have faith that eventually people will receive fulfillment

[tyme]

Great to hear from you @P12 

It's reassuring to know that people have empathy... 

I wonder if it's also about how we define empathy?

I used to always get mixed up with sympathy. 

How do you define the two (empathy, sympathy)?

[P12]

Hi @tyme.

Basically I explain the concepts as follows. I would like to respond more fully when I have more time.

Sympathy occurs when one person identifies the emotions being displayed by another person.

Empathy occurs when the person relates the emotions being displayed by the other person to their own feelings.

Compassion occurs when the person expresses emotions towards the other person in response to empathy (and the other person responds again).

[P12]

Here is my further explanation of empathy.

I believe that every human's highest aim is independence. Everyone desires to live completely independently of other people. A perfect person does not need to interact with other people because they are fully competent and expert in all aspects of life and therefore are only disadvantaged by interacting with others. It is as though they are able to walk around the world in a bubble isolated from everyone else.

However, in reality, humans are imperfect and therefore they are only able to be independent, fully competent, and expert in a subset of life. Life's subset can be imagined as branched or tiered. For most people the subset is only a tiny element of life, but yet it is something that they are more competent in than the vast majority of other people. A small number of people are experts in larger subjects, and these people are usually well known and popular at least to a some people. In reality the bubble of isolation covers only one part of the person.

The human mind is incredibly analytical. It is constantly receiving information about its surroundings and trying to rationalise it, using inductive or deductive reasoning (depending on your perspective), so that it can achieve its goal of independence.

Empathy occurs when a person's analytical powers are directed (consciously of subconsciously) to another person. The analytical reasoning will find ways to relate that person's behaviour to the first person, on a higher branch or tier. And by doing so the first person will be better able to achieve their goal of independence.