Lived Experience Forum

[Bluetoo]

I just now got off the phone with my sister. She agrees that we probably both have BPD, always having had issues regulating our emotions. She was sexually abused by our uncle when she was only 9 and our parents totally blew her off. They apologized to her when she was an adult. So sad, isn’t it?  Mi goes unchecked and avoided for far too many people. 

[outlander]

Hi @Bluetoo

I think @Mazarita has covered it nicely esp the part where some could be 'situational' mi while your going through the struggles in your marriage.
Stress tends to bring out the worst in us.

Im glad you got a msg saying that she can refer you to someone. Hopefully that is the next positive step in your recovery.

[Bluetoo]

@outlander Yes. It is a factor. But I believe it’s only a stressor bringing out the mi so it’s more obvious. But I can usually hold things together better than this. I’ve been depressed for a week but never this long. Who knows. Maybe the marital issues is bringing a real problem to light so I can finally get some tools to work with this emotional roller coaster ride. I’ve been toughening it out all my life. I’m tired. 

[outlander]

Well your on the right path now and taken some really good steps like getting a therapist, asking you to refer you elsewhere ( and thankfully she was able to help) and also reaching out here too @Bluetoo

Has anyone spoken to you about self care and the importance of it?

[Bluetoo]

No. I haven’t a clue about how to handle this. 

[BlueBay]

Hi @Bluetoo

sorry for late reply I've been struggling myself. I've been diagnosed with BPD and depression and complex ptsd about 8 Yrs ago. I was also sexually abused as a child at age 9-12 by my neighbour uncle and brother. 

I feel you need to find a therapist that deals with BPD and get s diagnosis from a psychiatrist. I unfortunately had seen 4 different psychiatrists and psychologist and they were all not suited to treating BPD. Finally after 8 yrs I found a psychologist and psychiatrist who both deal with BPD and childhood trauma. 

Its a long journey one that I'm still scared of to be honest. 

I hope we can help you here. Happy to help you snd chst anytime. 

Oh snd wtiting down how you feel your emotions is really good. 

Take care @Bluetoo you deserve every love and happiness. 

❤️BB 

[Bluetoo]

I’m so sorry you’re currently struggling BB @BlueBay. My sister and I were saying how as children we never stood a chance. And also we were thinking maybe the hardest part is just accepting we have mi and pd. It is such a hard pill to swallow but looking back I can see how I’ve tried all my life to be ‘normal’ and maybe that’s part of the problem. I guess we are different. But different doesn’t have to be bad. I’m trying to convince myself too. 

Id love to chat sometime. Anytime. I don’t know how to though. I haven’t figured that out yet. But my brain is pretty fried lately. Lol 

Thank you for your very sweet words. It felt good to read them. 

[outlander]

Self care @Bluetoo is about doing things for yourself not just because you have to but because you need to.
Small things count like painting your nails or brushing your hair, having a cup of tea outside, going for a lesisurly walk, listening to some music or doing the things you enjoy. Time for yourself where you only focus on yourself.

[Bluetoo]

I do need to do more of those things. But I am not in the mood. I know it’s self defeating. I do listen to music. But sometimes even that I can’t being myself to do. I guess I gotta learn self discipline when I’m feeling like this. It’s so hard though. 

Thanks @outlander. It is nice having this place to come to. I appreciate you and all who have responded to my rants. I wouldn’t wish any of this on my worse enemy. My heart goes out to all of you here. 

[Bluetoo]

I finally got out of the house this morning. My husband came home from work last night with plantar fasciitis. He’s in a lot of pain. That motivated me to get to the pharmacy to buy him so wraps and inner soles to try to help him feel better. I left the house at 8:00 am this morning. I haven’t gone out so early in a long time. I feel a little proud and a little ashamed. How is that possible?  😛 

But there again this shows how Adrenalin is what I seem to thrive on. I wonder if I’ll ever learn how to just ‘be’ and enjoy the quieter times, when I’m in a setback. I sure hope so. 

I hope you all are having a good nights sleep and nice day following. @BlueBay and anyone else who is having a hard time currently.