21-06-2019 12:46 AM
Sorry again for another thread i am trying but have had zero support from anyone all year (professional wise) and i guess it is just meaing things are building up a lot. but to the question. how are you supposed to move on from something that has ruined your life and i dont mean forget because that is not going to be possible but how are you supposed to try and get on with life and have it not runing anything else in your life. i can accept that it has ruined what it has already ruined but it keeps making everything else so hard and i thought maybe moving would help me kind of get away from it which i know is silly but i dont know what else to do cause the times i have tried to talk to prefessionals about it they dont understand and just brush it off but i know in part that is my fault because i cant speak about some of it but i just really dont know what to do. btw it is truama related....
21-06-2019 03:49 AM
@Eden1919 Hey Eden1919 and good morning. I am in exactly that position of which you are discussing. I did something so shocking when I was so ill with psychosis that even now I cannot forgive myself so I have carried this baggage along with me now for 9 years. My psychiatrist is lovely she says don't you think 9 years is enough to carry around this guilt that I have and she is right of course but giving myself mercy is too easy so I carry it around with me instead.
I would love to run away but that is running from the truth. This is when sh comes into play luckily it is just visualizations atm. I just play my music loud and take baby steps forward with a few going backwards. I have to understand that some will forgive me whilst others won't and get on with my life. I once heard a brilliant saying: when people throw stones at you use those stones to make a path forward onto a better life. That is what I am trying to do.
21-06-2019 12:51 PM
Hey @Eden1919, carrying around that baggage is hard, especially when you can't share the load. It's important to be kind to yourself in trying to move forward and looking at some positive things that happen to you during the day - that way you may be able to work out what is a better day than another one. Have you had something positive happen so far today (and it can be as little or as big as you want it to be!)
22-06-2019 06:01 PM
Sometimes moving can be a fresh start, but not if you bring the baggage and repeat everything the same way. Sometimes a symbolic leaving or parking the baggage somewhere might help. Check it in at railway station and dont go back to collect it ... I know it sounds silly ... but its just an example.
Make small actions towards aspects from those moments when you can dream your future in a good way.
I still trip myself up, but less and less.
23-06-2019 06:27 PM
@greenpea thanks. i am sorry you are going through something similar. i hope you dont blame yourself where possible the fact that you feel guilty in the first place means it is not something you would do normally and that it isnt something that is part of your character which means it is not a refection on you as a person but more on a bad situation if that makes any sense.
@Ali11 i do try and focus on what good things i can find but it is hard when even happy things now remind me of what happened.
@Appleblossom i wish this was something i could throw away even metaphorically.
this is something that was done to me by others who i should have been able to trust people who took an oath to not do any harm people who did illegal things and have never and will never apologise. i know i cant make them understand how they hurt me so badly but this haunts me it pervades my dreams and my waking life, the smell of certain perfumes is enough to send me into panic, sounds, colours, words everything is a constant reminder even the word care upsetts me becuase it reminds me of what happened. i try and try to move on but literally everything is triggering now and no place feels safe and probably never will.
23-06-2019 08:01 PM
Dont get me wrong. I dont think we can toss real trauma away like a ball. The trauma would not allow it. It will revisit til its had enough ....or gets passed on down the generations ... its weird and we are all effected differently.
I stayed in a situation to long . It was my marriage ... in the end I had to leave. ... I kept trying with all my might ... I really dont want to advise you ... there is too much I dont know about your situation ... just walking with ....
23-06-2019 08:32 PM
We're sorry to hear that you don't feel like you will be safe anywhere @Eden1919. Are you ok now? Please let us know.
23-06-2019 08:50 PM
Just a picture hoping something will help @Eden1919
24-06-2019 02:37 AM
@Ali11 sorry i meant safe from the people who hurt me and it was more in an emotional sense i didnt mean to ring any alarm bells.
i am trying to just focus on future things where possible but it is so difficult when things everywhere are reminders. i guess it is just hard having to fight the urge to crawl away and hide for a long time like i constantly just want to curl up into a ball and sit under a thick blanket where it is dark and warm but not hot and close my eyes and listen to calming music and sounds. but i cant do that because i have to get up and do things and everytime something happens i want to hide again.
25-06-2019 07:22 PM
You're being very brave to keep pushing through those reminders @Eden1919 What calming music do you listen to?
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