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Something’s not right

Serenity1
Senior Contributor

Hmm

hey  everybody 

hope everyone survived the holiday period as best they could!

why do I do it to myself? Why am I obsessed with checking on Facebook  on ppl in my family who are abusive & toxic & I have cut contact from - I know it's bad for me & only further hurts me. 

My abusive father is "friends" with my ex & his entire family- this freels like a complete betrayal &!slao in the face bcos my Exs whole family have tweeted me disgustingly throughout the years & been so covertly & overtly abusive in every possible way imaginable towards me it is an absolute joke. They made my life an absolute living hell  in the time they were in my life & all I ever did & wanted was for them to have a good relationship with my son for his best interests. Turns out they took advantage of my kindness at every opportunity & caused permanent emotional, phycological & mental damage to my son through their actions which were absolutely dispicable. 

My father would rather be "friends" with this mob of evil dysfunctional bastards than his own daughter.

the thing that has upset me the most this time is my ex sister in law bday is three days before mine & he has wished her a happy birthday with xxxx & Oooo  & lots of love. on a post of my ex mother in law made about her. 

I was not even contacted on my birthday three days later by him. I feel so sick inside.

like how much pain can one person take. I know I cut contact for my own mental health- but I still miss my dad & hold out hope that he might be able to show me the same love that he shows this person who is not even connected to him except through my adult son. That is never ever going to happen. 

I thought I had blocked him on my phone so over Xmas & bday was feeling empowered -  but no turns out he wasn't blocked & he choose not to call/txtt me either- which is exactly what happened throughout my entire childhood. No contact for birthdays or Xmas when my parents split up- it's so hurtful to a child & still as an adult. 

I truely am completely & 100% alone in this world & that is a very scary place to be & not a nice way to feel at all at the best of times- knowing you have no one to lean I if u need help or support when you are in need. 

Also he is posting passive aggressive quotes on his fb about me which are very hurtful too.

i know I shouldn't check it I just can't help myself. I know he never changes, why can't I accept this. 

I am sick of feeling so along & faulty &broken. 

2 REPLIES 2

Re: Hmm

I remember once I heard that narcissists validate each other in their abuse and actions and this sounds like a situation like that. Stay strong, not fitting in with them shows you are better than them. 

Re: Hmm

I used to do the same thing  @Serenity1 it was torture and hell.

 

Over time I gradually eased off and stopped.

The best way I found was to squeeze in positive online activity.  Youtubes, courses or things that made me feel better.  As time passed, I felt the compulsion less.  Also getting offline and doing healthy things helps.

 

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