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Something’s not right

lilwigs
Casual Contributor

Help!

My son (14) has locked himself in his room again. Been 36 hours since I last saw him eat. He won't respond to texts, calls, talking through the door. I had to force my way in (he had the bed against the door) to do a welfare check. He's okay and safe, but refusing to come downstairs, eat...participate. I sat with him on his bed and tried to get something out of him, and just got anger. Not verbal, not physical, but I could feel it and see it on his face. I told him that I loved him, his family love him and that whatever he was struggling we could deal with together. I did say that there are no unacceptable feelings, only unacceptable behaviours, and that locking himself away was unacceptable. Just heaped on the love, then left. I did cry when I was talking to him and I just hope that hasn't made things worse? He was so angry with me! He has done this before, several times, I just don't know what to do if he doesn't emege. to be honest I'm actually better now that I've seen he's angry...mad is much easier to deal with than sad? But I really don't know where to go from here. My anxiety levels are through the roof as he also has an older sister who struggles with anxiety/depression and she's also not great at the moment. It's been a very long night...

12 REPLIES 12
Rosie93
Senior Contributor

Re: Help!

Hi @lilwigs 

 

It sounds like a very difficult situation for you, your son and your family. I'm sorry that you're all going through this tough time. I understand your concern and worry for your son at this time.

 

Have you tried contacting eheadspace? They may be able to help. Maybe even encourage your son to talk to somebody from headspace if he is able/willing.

 

Sending strength your way,

 

Rosie93 

mum12
Casual Contributor

Re: Help!

I found that valuing his feelings is important first. saying something like, " I know that your hurting. You may have some anger. If you don't want to talk or you do, I will listen. I'm here if you need me"
Then walk away he might come and talk or know that you are trying to understand.
Sometimes they need to know someone is there no matter what, but they need their space.
My heart is there with you.
Former-Member
Not applicable

Re: Help!

Hi @lilwigs, this sounds like a stressful and challenging thing to be going through as a parent. Sending love to you Heart

 

It's great you've let him know that you want to be there for him, to work through whatever this is together.

 

If he doesn't respond well to this, it might be the case that he'd be more open to a different form of support- I'm thinking Kids Helpline might be helpful 🙂 I hope he reaches out somewhere for support to work through whatever it is he's going through- it sounds like he might be going through a lot to be reacting in this way. 

Re: Help!

Hi @lilwigs,

 

I've seen similar behaviour in my son. Most of the time, there is a deep seeded feeling they either can't express or don't feel comfortable sharing. Don't force the feeling out, just provide a safe, patient, supportive, non judgemental space. 

 

Just remember there is always a trigger for behaviour. If you haven't already, maybe start thinking of what may trigger his behaviour? Eg, school issues, bullying, online bullying, maybe even feelings of sexuality. 14yo is a very hard time for some teens, lots of hormones, thoughts and changes. 

 

He may not even want to tell you, but knowing that he has a safe space without judgement is enough to help him. The last thing a kid wants is an opinion on problem. They just don't want to be judged and told what to do. It's the age of changing hormones, feelings, self exploration. A very challenging time for the whole family. 

 

Hope this helps a little 

 

Ella1
Casual Contributor

Re: Help!

Give him space! Why is it not acceptable for him to lock himself in his room when he needs space and privacy from you guys. I did this many a time as a teenager, thank god for locks on bedroom doors.

Re: Help!

I've certainly found a little space to be helpful when I've had a bit going on too @Ella1! What do you think it is about having that space that helped you?

lilwigs
Casual Contributor

Re: Help!

Thank you so much! Just knowing there is support out there really helps!
lilwigs
Casual Contributor

Re: Help!

Thank you so much. Those words are being said, not a lot of response. He has good and bad days. Giving him space though it breaks my heart!
lilwigs
Casual Contributor

Re: Help!

He's really closed in. Doesn't want to talk to anyone. I've rung Kids Helpline with him in the car next to me, and he has all the numbers (I left them on his desk) It's so hard when he won't respond!
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