Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Hopeless]

Hi.
My brother is getting acutely unwell. Currently at home on bail. 32 yrs old living with my parents, I live next door with husband and 2 young girls.
Brother is not sleeping, paranoid, dilusional, manic, agitated,no respect or care, turning my parents home upside down, painting walls,setting up traps, making a fire pit ect.
Paranoid someone or something is going to break in.
Thinks my parents are setting him up and tricking him.
They forgot to lock the door the other night and when he finallly got some sleep and woke up in a panic yelling and swearing at my parents at 3am telling them off for not locking the door. Accused them of taking his lighter and switching his pockets.
What do we do.???how do we talk to him. ?
I'm worried when my parents are asleep. I'm starting to hate his behaviour. So desperate right now.????

[pip]

Hi @Hopeless. Does your brother have a Dr who is aware of his MI. I think it might be beneficial to discuss his erratic behaviour with his Dr and see if he can be admitted to a hospital for treatment. There are also youngsters (your children) to consider. Their safety is important too. Your brother needs medical attention, you and your family need help. Is your brother seeing a probation officer, if he is, it might pay to discuss with him/her as well. I'm pleased he isn't in jail, often jail can be worse for people with MI. The problem being, while he's on bail, what are the conditions? How long before he re-appears for the next 'hearing?' Does he have to undergo any sort of psychiatric assessment? Once he re-appears, if he has to, try and see if you can get him hospitalized for treatment.

[Hopeless]

Thanks for replying.
Conditions of bail Are not to see or contact the ex, no going to the main town unless wrk or appointment, no drugs or alcohol. He is smoking pot no alcohol. Barely leaving house.
We asked for section 32 mental health act. We r seeing Gp wkly. brothers refusing meds.
We r waiting to see psychiatrist for formal diagnosis and treatment plan. There is no parole officer and we don't see anyone til next court hearing in 5 wks (such a long time)
I'm really hoping conditions of mental health plan will be treatment in a facility.
Asked my bro today if he was scared and how could we make him feel safe. He said he thinks people are out to get him but he is not scared.he kind of enjoys it and makes it a game he said!!
My mum is not calm when talking and really pushes his buttons (not in purpose) and she ends up storming off. Well now she is mad at me and I don't know why.
I feel so alone!!!

[pip]

Hi @Hopeless. Am I right in assuming your brother is on assault charges? Smoking pot is not a good sign as this will cause more angst. It sounds as though your mum feels slightly out of her depth. Dealing with someone who has MI, plus smoking pot would make her feel nervous as pot/marijuana/cannabis means he is unpredictable. I'd say your mum has much on her plate and needs support. Pushing buttons (in her case) means possibly she is trying to test the boundaries with your brother. Flaring up at you could mean she's just lashing out. She could be scared and needs to lash out to release emotions that she holds in check most of the time. If she is unsure of your brother, (as I said smoking pot makes him unpredictable), she has to release emotions, so you are copping the frustration she keeps bottled. When you see the psych, make sure he/she is aware of your brother's addiction with smoking. Pot/marijuana, whatever you call it is addictive the same as drinking. The results of his drug habit could be quite serious if he is left. Keep a close eye on him as his drug habit could get serious. Sounds as though he is also pushing buttons. Try talking to your mum, ask her how you can support her during this time. If the two of you could work together, it will be easier on both of you. I don't believe she is 'mad' at you, I feel she's out of her depth and scared. He's her son and she wants to protect him and can't. Every mother wants to wrap their children in cotton wool to protect them. When we can't, we feel as though we've failed them therefore frustration makes us lash out at whoever happens to be there. Most times it's hubby, unfortunately this time, it's you.

[Appleblossom]

Hi @Hopeless

I really feel for your situation ...

.. are you older or younger than your brother .. my brother struggling with some of the same behaviours ... would never admit his fear .. all the time .. kind of a pride/manhood thing .. but I know that a lot of the problematic behaviour was driven .. by attempts to deal with his fears ... so I wonder .. if in fact .. your brother does have fear that he is not prepared to admit .. but HE does deserve to have help to work through ... without blame and turning parents home topsy turvy... Your whole family deserves to have his situation taken seriously .. maybe help to establish separate residence ... where he can be clear about his values and boundaries without messing up the rest of the family's boundaries and needs.

I was older (18mths) .. and so I was ok .. with him being afraid and not admitting it.  He might be putting up a front of bravado .. cos fear is very scary.

Not sure what to advise .. but hearing you ... surely the mh professionals in his life might

I dont know what rights you have .. but I believe the more whole family support .. the better .. try not to be excluded .. by health team .. as brother's health definitely effects you and kids... and parents.

[Hopeless]

Thanks everyone for the replies. Pip thankyou. I think u are right about mum. She is lashing out and I think she also knows she says dumb things and it upsets her within herself. It's so hard for her because she will do anything for him and he takes it out on her and blames her, disrespects her etc!!! This upsets my dad and we all get upset. My brother is up on break and enter, resisting police, trespassing, possession and avo. He is 31 I am 37 my other brother here locally is 36 and my sis in Brisbane is 39. We are a very close very supportive family.
I don't know if he is scared but he is definitely dilusional. Even thinking up things that happened to him as a little kid that DID NOT happen.
Court is ages away. Is our only option to call the cops? The Gp is aware of the drugs and everything about court and his ex girlfriend and son etc.
psych app is not til end of month. So far away!!!!

[pip]

Hi @Hopeless. I would be inclined to keep records of everything that's going on at the moment, including his drug habit. I would say he is 'putting' on a brave face. Trying to show he is not scared. He is in serious trouble, is this a first offense? If it is, chances are he could get 'off' with a warning/slap on the wrist. A psych report, if your brother cooperates with the psych, will benefit him. The delusions could be a result of the marijuana. He is actually breaching the conditions of his bail by 'using'. This will go against him, as the psych will be aware by your brothers actions. When someone habitually uses drugs, their eyes glaze, their speech is slurred, their reactions are slower. If he has to submit to blood tests, the drug will be obvious. It's possible the drug will remain in the bloodstream for at least 14 days or so. You could contact the police regarding his drug use, if you do inform the police be aware the habitual drug use could make him irrational, even violent. He is risking jail time anyway with this drug abuse. It's contravening the terms of his bail, I realize you love him, but you are not doing him any favours by overlooking his drug abuse. I would give him an ultimatum, either the drug use ceases, or the police will be summoned. I am so sorry you feel so helpless, but whatever you do, remember, he has to face up to what he's done.

[Hopeless]

HI Pip,

Thankyou i will take your advice on the above.

So at the moment noone in my family is really talking now. Its like we have all of sudden hit a wall in our own way and have decided to go quiet!. Not helpful!.

I spoke with the court liason office today to advise of our situation and if there was anything we could do or did we have to wait out our time until the court case on the 14/11.

Court Liason suggested we call Mental Health Acute Care Access Team and ask for a home visit. Mum is scared of this because she always promised him she would never put him back there. I told her that he will blame her whether it was her or not. We all have the number in our phones. Im sared to call because im scared of the unknown, the ultercation it may cause, who may be around and what we may see. But i know this is the only way to get him help. 

Im scared to call the police to get him in trouble because we want him to get mental health help, not get locked up. 

Mum is not open to the idea of relocating my brother to a caravan park or elsewhere becuase the conditions of the bail are under her care at home. Mum thinks she is a trigger for his anger and behaviour so she is now avoiding the home as much as she can which is NOT right but thats how she wants to deal.

I agree with having that talk about the drugs and I hope my parents can find the confidence to say something. I do think he needs to own up and face the consequences of what he has done. But also due to his diluded mind, he is already coming up with ideas on how to deny most of the charges.

I appreciate you taking the time to read and respond 🙂

[pip]

Dear @Hopeless. From what you say, the police are involved because of the charges. When it goes back to court, the judge/magistrate may order hospitalization, or jail time. Unfortunately denying the charges won't help him. When he goes to court will it be trial by jury? If a jury is involved, and he's found 'guilty' of all charges, he could face jail time. His crimes are serious and need addressing and facing. Your mum's wishes will be considered, but the charges are many and serious. If the police have enough evidence against him, denying won't help. Maybe the police liaison officer may be called on to discuss his case and help him. Yes, no doubt he will enter a 'not guilty' plea, the evidence will be examined either by jury or judge or magistrate. His lawyer can argue his case and no doubt will. But the prosecutions case sounds pretty strong, so therefore your brother needs to be aware of being found guilty and possibly charged/sentenced. I agree with you, psychiatric care would be more beneficial, try to get your brother to ask for psychiatric help. Good luck.

[Hopeless]

Well last night things escelated further. My dad called me over (from next door) because my brother was very angry, aggitated, not making sense, swearing and yelling etc. He was desperate to get my mum or dads car and kept trying to get their keys. To cut a long story short at one point my husband and i were standing in our driveway watching my brother and dad on the verandah of their place. We saw my brother grab my dad and my husband bolted over and got into a fight with my brother.

Prior to this i was already on the phone to the MH access line who called the police on my behalf.

Police arrived however my brother had somewhat calmed down. He didnt think he did anything wrong and said all he needed was a cup of tea. I didnt think the police were going to take him but in the end they did. Took him to hospital where he stayed overnight to be assessed by MH this morning. We were so scared and worried that they will let him go as this has happened before. He has been able to present well.

We found out not long ago that he will be admitted but we are still actually awaiting confirmation.

I need some advice. Should we stay away for a day or two or more or should we go and see him. I have found in the past that because we are so supportive, this is always our undoing because they see he has a supportive family and send him home. We do not want this. He needs treatment in a facility.

Any thoughts on time frame of seeing him.? We dont really want to see him yet because obviously he is unwell but we do want him to know we love him and care. ????

feeling confused.