Lived Experience Forum

[Powderfinger]

@Anastasia 

I can't see what you see in me at this point. In saying that I'm thankful to you for lifting me up. In time, however long that time takes. I'm actually doing nothing at all this afternoon. I'm about to have a nap as I'm tired. I will agree that I have worked very hard though. Love you @Anastasia ♥️ 🌷

@Anastasia @Zoe7  I got two phone calls from a real estate while I was at the shop. I knew they were coming. I offered this morning to be a reference because one of her old landlords was bit responding and they needed another reference. I knew she had no one else. So, it was them ringing for the reference. I took both calls and gave her the reference she needed. At the moment it is looking string that she might get this place. She will find out thus afternoon. She may get it, she may not but it's looking string from what the agent was saying to me. 

Where I'm at with it in all honesty. I don't know? I don't know what to feel or think. I don't know what to say it do. I'm just like a robot. Maybe I can no longer access my feelings? They are there perhaps but can't access them. 

So who knows really. I realised there is no connection left. There's just nothing. The bond we hadz the connection we had is not there. Not for me anyway. Font know what to make of that one. 

I told her about a week ago that when she moved out, that would be my goodbye. I will not be staying in touch. Yes, it hurt saying, yes it was hard saying it. I just had no trust left. I thought what really us the point in staying in touch. If she still wanted to be with me, then that would be obvious and she would tell me. Anyhow, I'm too tired to think, feel, talk. I just do not know. I guess that is it really. When she walks out the door and is gone, she is gone. *shrugs* just be a robot. 

[Powderfinger]

@Anastasia @Zoe7 

I have just been notified that the owners have accepted her application. 

[Zoe7]

That is fantastic news @Powderfinger 

[Anastasia]

I am sure your head is everywhere tonight @Powderfinger . It IS GOOD news hun 😊

[Powderfinger]

@Anastasia you are right about being sure about that. It is. Back and forth everywhere in my head, heart, thoughts and feelings. I'm not saying anything. Who knows. She shows quite well that she is happy and moving on. Never really was sure how she felt about anything, I do not ask. I just ask questions that need to be asked and leave it at that. 

Just being a robot. 

xxx

[Anastasia]

Hugs beautiful girl 🤗 @Powderfinger 

There with you x

[Powderfinger]

@Anastasia 

[Powderfinger]

@Anastasia 

I'm.sorry I'm being such a downer when you really do your best to raise me up. I feel bad and worried that you will just quit on me because I'm on a downer. I feel like she...t most of the time. I try keep position bed in mind. 

[Powderfinger]

@Anastasia 

It's time for both of us to move on with our own lives. It's completely over. If she really wanted to be with me, she should have spoken to me by now. There is an end date. She is moving out on the 27th January I have started advertising now. 

I'm going to give the house a good smudge with my white sage. Clear the energy. 

I'm also cleaning the house up and redecorating a bit. Making it my own. 

[Anastasia]

I won't be giving up on you hun.

The sage is a fabulous idea as is the redecorating. A fresh start. I like it x

You're actually more positive than you give yourself credit for. The above alone reflects that. I admire you very much 💓

@Powderfinger