19-06-2019 03:57 PM
My ex bf deceived me to terminate our baby. He told me that he will leave me if I continue my pregnancy do I had to sacrifice my own baby for him. The next day after the procedure, he left me with another girl. I had depression and panic attacked that week, I just couldn’t believed that someone can do that to me. I feel so guilty that I killed my own baby and every time I see babies, my heart hurts so bad. It feels that someone squeeze my heart so tight. I can’t help myself to cry each day and it’s getting hard now that I am supposed to have delivery next month. My excitement turns into depression ;( Anyone can give me advice?
20-06-2019 10:39 PM
Welcome to the forums @Mystie and thank you for such a vulnerable share of your story Nobody deserves to be treated that way and it sounds like him exiting your life could be a very good thing, as hard as the current situation may be. You did what you thought was the right thing under pressure from someone you thought loved you, so although it may be the toughest thing to imagine right now, you need to forgive yourself first and foremost. You're not alone in feeling that guilt, many women have been through similar experiences, and you've taken a huge step in joing the forum and reaching out for help. No specific advice to give beyond that right now, but sending you love and hoping you can find some forgiveness for yourself Have you been speaking to a counsellor or psych about what you've going through?
20-06-2019 12:05 AM
Thank you for your response @Ali11, I really appreciated. No one knows what I’m going through. All my family and friends knew that I had miscarriage. I’m battling depression alone and I was taking antidepressant before but now I stopped taking it and I’d rather make myself busy at work, go to gymn and divert my attention. I had seen a counsellor before until I get better but I thought my wound is healed. I feel so sad every time I see pregnant lady and new born babies, it’s a terrible feeling that makes me want to just disappear.
I hope one day I will learn how to forgive myself. I need to get it off my chests and thanks so much for listening.
20-06-2019 11:55 AM
Hi @Mystie , a warm welcome to the forums. Thanks for being brave and sharing your story with us. I can't give you much further advice, but, I think in time you will overcome this. You have been through a horrendous and traumatic experience, the fact you can talk about it at all shows how strong you are and can be. Hang in there.
20-06-2019 12:24 PM
Hi @Mystie and welcome from me too. You have taken the first step in reaching out here and I know you will find support here. I have also terminated a pregnancy to someone who left immediately after and all I can say is that over time the pain lessens, I can now remember without breaking down. You did what you thought best at the time. Feeling your pain and sending warm wishes and hope to you. Eth
20-06-2019 01:40 PM - edited 20-06-2019 01:41 PM
Hi @Mystie. I'm so sorry to hear about your experience. Keeping it all inside and to yourself, away from family and friends would be so difficult I imagine.
Last year I made the decision not to continue a pregnancy and right about now I would have been holding a tiny new person in my arms or getting very close to that, if I'd made a different choice. Sometimes the pain of that thought has been incredible, and I have found it trying to creep back in at times as this time is now here. That decision I made was one of the most difficult and most painful ones I have ever faced and I know so many people (not all but many) find it so hard to make the choice and then follow through with it. I imagine it would have been made even harder for you having your then partner leave you straight after.
As ali11 and eth said, you did what you thought was the best thing to do at the time under what sounds like a lot of pressure. I know that doesn't take away the pain or make it feel any better, but it is what I hold on to when I am having a hard time.
It's OK to feel whatever it is you're feeling, and it's so good to see you talking about it. I hope there is some comfort in knowing you're not alone. Keep talking if it helps ❤
21-06-2019 06:10 PM
@Gazza75 Thank you. I’ve been through in a lot of pain. I had full of regrets that I agreed to terminate our baby because I don’t want to loose him but in the end he left me. I feel like I’m a selfish person to do that to my own baby. I was 3 months pregnant that time and I had the 3D scan and I know the gender already I asked for forgiveness to her everyday... seeing babies and pregnant ladies makes me feel sad.
21-06-2019 06:15 PM
Hi @CheerBear thanks for sharing your experience. I was 3 months pregnant and I had 3D scan and I know the gender already. I was really excited to have a baby but my ex bf asked me to choose. I feel so selfish that I choose my ex over my baby. I asked for forgiveness to her in my prayer, I am supposed to have a girl next month. It’s really hard for me to cope at the moment. Thanks for listening x
21-06-2019 07:09 PM
21-06-2019 01:20 PM
It’s been 22years this October since an ex boyfriend convinced me to terminate our baby. Since then I’ve found the prospect of parenthood totally overwhelming. To think that human would be in the prime of their lives at 21 years old this year. For me the guilt never went away although it’s become tolerable. I think there ought the more counselling available for women who have chosen to terminate, as often it isn’t our choice really.
If you need urgent assistance, see Need help now
For mental health information, guidance and referrals, see the SANE Help Centre
SANE Forums is published by SANE Australia with funding from the Australian Government Department of Health
SANE Australia ABN 92006533606
PO Box 226 South Melbourne 3205 Australia