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Something’s not right

Snowflake86
Casual Contributor

Feeling Angry

This is my first time on here.

My partner has recently been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, although we knew something was not right it has finally been diagnosed. 

I have been noticing so many things that he does that are making me amgry and resentful even though i know he doesn't remember doing or saying these things. I feel as if i'm the only one who cares about everything and he is using the BPD diagnosis as a blanket as such.

How am i supposed to overcome these feelings and look after the kids, house and everything in between?

I have Clinical Depression as well as PTSD to a point after the birth of my stillborn son.

I feel as if i'm falling apart while still trying to maintain every day life.

Any suggestions as to how i can deal with these things?

Thankyou for listening.

16 REPLIES 16

Re: Feeling Angry

In a complicated fast moving world people with many people with co-morbidities, those with a MH DX are often hardest hit. I can relate to a lot of what you are saying and feeling. I too had to do all the dirty work while certain people were getting all the mh support. Part of the answer lies ... in getting your health needs recognised .. and being canny about how you put responsibility back onto your spouse.

In both my family of orogin and creation there were lots of people with different Dx.

On the other hard there is a "new" understanding about BPD which gives hope. That we are not to treat it with so much stigma and the sufferers as insincere.  I KNOW there is a lot of work to be done by clinicians in getting the balance right for families.There is also work to be done by the BPD sufferer... Not letting the BPD sufferer "get away" with everything but also give them necessary leeway in order to process their feelings,ie "do the therapuetic work" and support the family realistically, given the person/family's resources. 

Good Luck.  Backing and support for Carers is a good move and a small part of the answer, but not the whole answer.  Find a local Carer's organisation ???

Re: Feeling Angry

Hi @Snowflake86,

Welcome to the forums and thanks for sharing your experience. Trying to manage emotions when battling with a mental illness is so so hard. I can understand that trying to manage emotions if one is also trying to support a partner who has reccently been diagnosed would be even more challenging. Having a short temper right now is understandable.

@Determined has spoken about thier partners BPD diagnosis, and might be able to offer some wisdom and empathy?

Re: Feeling Angry

Thankyou, sometimes just the fact that other people can see reasoning to my emotions is enough to be able to then look at it from a different point of view. Its like swings and roundabouts these days but i am so very thankful that my partner can communicate with me and that although we may have a rough few days we always then go back over what the causes were etc so thankyou for understanding 🙂

Re: Feeling Angry

Hi @Snowflake86 welcome to the forum

sorry it has taken me such a long time to respond, it has been a rough couple of days here.

As @Chamomile mentioned I support my wife who lives with BPD so I can relate to the emotions that you have shared here.

The best advise I can offer is to make sure you are looking after you, 

Do you have family or friends who can support you or you can just talk  about your fears and emotions? 

Seeing a councillor or psychologist is also a very good idea. I say this as I did not look after myself and suffered burnout as a result this has affected my ability not only to provide for my family but to stay calm and consistently support my wife .

Happy to answer any specific questions you may have.

This thread here is some of our story that may be of some benifit to you.

Take care.

Former-Member
Not applicable

Re: Feeling Angry

Hello @snowflakes86,
Hope you are doing okay. I think I know the anger you are feeling. When they can’t even remember what they did let alone feel remorse it is a bitter pill to swallow. The hardest part though is letting go of who you thought they were and accepting who they really are. Sometimes though for the sake of yourself and your children that might be necessary. Your anger won’t stop unless you find acceptance. Forgiveness is harder.

Re: Feeling Angry

Things have gone downhill so quickly here, Its as though I can't do anything right. Losing my mind and unable to look after my children properly, I need to get out of this toxic environment but all hell will break loose, I can feel it. Sorry for the ramblings, just trying to piece things together
Former-Member
Not applicable

Re: Feeling Angry

@Snowflake86 Hope you are ok
Former-Member
Not applicable

Re: Feeling Angry

Hello @snowflake56,
BPD is really challenging. From what I know from because of a family members difficult relationship there might be a fear of being deserted. It might help you feel calmer if you are afraid of your partner to have a plan to leave. From my own experience having a plan can give you a calmer space to operate from. Also it might be an idea to review your own mph in light of the diagnosis. And think about things which could help your partner like DBT. Hope you are feeling okay this morning.

Re: Feeling Angry

Thinking of you @Snowflake
Trust you can find the strength to get through today.
No need.to be sorry about opening up, I know how much it helps to talk things thorough. Your words are so familiar to how I often feel so understand your emotions expressed.



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