Lived Experience Forum

[utopia]

Straight to the point.

I quit the job. Started on Mon, quit this morning. I wasn't able to grasp their computer system at all. And next week I would be working on my own. I just knew I would crash and burn if I had to work on my own.

I feel stupid, an idiot, embarrased, sad, angry.

I used to be able to pick up computer programs really quickly. Prided myself on the fact. But seems what I used to be able to do, pre mental illness, is not the same now.

Those almost 7 years of Depression took my memory and my cognitive abilities. Add in 2 strokes during this same period, and I should have known, my old sort of job was now beyond me.

When my Depression went into remission, I just assummed that EVERYTHING would return to pre injury times. Yes my memory has improved but is nowhere near what it used to be. I can't learn new things the way I used to. But I'm not sure what will help me learn. Nothing I tried these past 2 days was working.

Am feeling a bit sorry for myself. Guess I need to aim lower and do a more simple, repetative job. But worry that would bore me silly.

Anyway. This attempt at normalcy failed.

[Eve7]

I’m sorry @utopia  at least you tried. I’m back at work too after having most of last year off and I’m struggling a lot so I think you were very brave taking it on after 7 years.

I can make us a cuppa....and this isn’t failure, it’s just another step on the journey.

Hugs and love.

💜🤗💜

[Oaktree]

So sorry @utopia this must have been a really hard learning experience for you. Don't let this bump in the road stop you from trying again with something different. Keep on experimenting until you find the right fit for you, this may take a while and you need to try and be patient with yourself. 

Sending you love and hugs

Meggle

[Shaz51]

sending you lots of tender hugs my awesome friend @utopia 

hello @Oaktree , @Eve7 

[saltandpepper]

@utopia I know what you mean, really sorry to hear you've had this experience. It's ok to mourn that loss of ability. You have every right to feel sad and frustrated, it isn't fair. Just know you're not alone in this, I've noticed this within myself too.

I also want to point out that 7 years is a life time in technology development. I imagine it would be challenging for anyone who has been out of that field for so long to dive back in.

Also, you did say your memory has improved, so don't lose sight of that. Maybe take a step back from what you were trying to learn, maybe even go back to what's familiar, and work on developing those memory muscles. Keep challenging your brain, the more you do that, the stronger it gets.

Also also, playing music when trying to learn something new is supposed to help memories encode correctly. And it also helps with memory recall when you play back that music.

[Zoe7]

Hey @utopia You haven't failed Hon - you just have not found the right job for you. I know this is entirely different in so many ways but I did not begin teaching until my 30s. I did many different jobs beforehand and whilst some were rewarding, some were also just an income. This one for you did not work out but take confience in the fact you got the job in the first place - that shows you do have the skills to get that far, now you just need to find the right job for you. No doubt years of depression, the 2 strokes and the long term ill health has all impacted you but you are still a very capable and intelligent little cocky and once you find the right job I have no doubt that you will flourish again. Do not beat yourself up about this one - it simply was not right for you. Hugs and hugs and hugs my beautiful cocky friend 💛💛💛💛💛

[Former-Member]

Dont be too hard on yourself.i couldn't return to my old job either.

I started by just doing online tafe courses it takes the pressure off but still gets the brain working.You can do it at your own pace.

Give a try and see how you go some courses are free and centrelink will cover others or a workplace provider can sort them for you 

Kayakfisho