Lived Experience Forum

[saltandpepper]

Swinging moods is something that's bothered me for a long time now. I'm a lot more aware of it, I guess as I get older, that my moods tend to swing between extreme opposites. I have read a little bit about bipolar over the years, but it doesn't sound like quite the right fit for me. I guess I'd like some insight from those that have had these concerns too.

I feel a little guilty admitting this, but I've been in a really good head space the past couple of weeks. It's a huge turn around from the way I was when I first joined the forum. I've been busy with work and that's been great. I've had motivation to do boring house jobs that I've been putting off for a long time. I've been good. But before this, I wasn't good, at all, and very near wanting to give up on life. Even writing this now, I know it doesn't sound right. I've been scared to say anything, to admit that maybe things aren't right, because what if I'm fine and overreacting, or what if I'm not and I'll have to go through doctors and medications and sh*t that I don't have patience for. I guess also, when I do have motivation and feel productive I get so much done and I really do feel great. Part of me wants to justify putting up with the lows to keep going through the highs. Embarrassing to admit.

Anyway, the reason I'm putting this out there now is I'm starting to feel off again. It's not here yet, but I can feel that darkness creeping back in. I feel this weight in my chest, like a looming presence, a warning even. It feels like I'm about to head into that shitty depressed headspace again. I'm wondering if anyone else experiences this and what you can do, if anything, to prepare yourself for it?

Cheers guys

[Rainforest]

Hey @saltandpepper , I thought I'd pop in to say I'm really sorry that you're going through a tough time at the moment and it's great that you're reaching out to the community for support.  You probably know this already, how posts can sometimes get lost, as there's lots of traffic on here at the moment. You might even want to post this in an existing thread to get the conversation started.  Also, I'm sure you have your own supports in the community and are reaching out to them as well.  Take care and go gently.