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Dealing with the guilt of "causing" BPD

Hello all of you good people. My partner has been caring for his now 20 yrs son with BPD for the past 5 years. He helped him through his initial manifestation in late teens and things have been going well for his son until recently when he's relapsed (linked with alcoholism). As he revisits now all of the interweb information on BPD he feels more and more guilt at having, he believes, triggered the condition by separating from his wife and children when his son was 11 yrs. He says he can't get the image of his 11 yrs old son's distressed face out of his mind at being told that he was leaving. Since then he has been as involved with his son as any father could be but several times recently during periods where his son has been intoxincated the blame for his BPD has been pointed very firmly at my partner "you ruined my life". Can anyone advise on how they have dealt with similar situations? We are in rural NSW and really struggling to find any face-to-face forums for carers. My partner is aware that his guilt is an issue; he suffered depression post-separation from his wife/children, and he wants to stay well enough to be strong for his son during his most recent relapse. Should we seek psychological advice and if so does it help to seek a professional that has specialist knowledge of BPD?

8 REPLIES

Re: Dealing with the guilt of "causing" BPD

Hi @Fetta

 

welcome to the forum and well done for reaching out 

 

my mother divorced twice and remarried twice and my father remarried once ... needless to say it of course impacts everybody

 

anyway I just wanted to say my mum is BPD undiagnosed and i went to see a psychologist who specialised in BPD - it was hugely helpful - she recommended a book called ‘stop walking on eggshells  , taking your life back when somebody you love has BPD’ by Mason and Kreger ... awesome book ... changes how I saw my mum and how I related to her - such a positive change and made me more able to respond rather than knee jerk at her behaviours ... anyway I’m super tired right now but wanted to give you some hope ... keep reaching out and keep educating yourself as much as you can 

Re: Dealing with the guilt of "causing" BPD

Hey there @Sophie1 for sure, I think it could be super beneficial to check in with a practitioner. You can research and check out their specialist modalities across a few different websites. I have listed a few resources below Smiley Happy

 

PACFA Search directory

APS Search directory

ACA Search directory

Re: Dealing with the guilt of "causing" BPD

 Hi @Fetta

NSW health services list these carer support organisations - some of which do have rural options.

 

https://www.health.nsw.gov.au/mentalhealth/Pages/family-mh-program.aspx

 

Carers Australia (who offer support as well as a number of free counseling sessions) list these supports

https://www.carersnsw.org.au/advice/services-supports/mental-health

 

Organisations such as One Door offer services to both carers and patients - this is a link to their page, others offer similar.

https://www.onedoor.org.au/services/carer-services

 

Re: Dealing with the guilt of "causing" BPD

Thank you so much! I ordered this book (and the follow up) as soon as I got your reply - hopefully they arrive soon but in the meantime my partner has had his first session with a phschologist and guess what book she recommended...? Really appreciate your support.

Re: Dealing with the guilt of "causing" BPD

Thank you so much! I ordered this book (and the follow up) as soon as I got your reply - hopefully they arrive soon but in the meantime my partner has had his first session with a phsychologist and guess what book she recommended...? Really appreciate your support.

Re: Dealing with the guilt of "causing" BPD

thank you!

Re: Dealing with the guilt of "causing" BPD

Super helpful - thank you!
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Re: Dealing with the guilt of "causing" BPD

@Fetta Sounds like progress and so happy you are taking steps to gather supports from professionals and education too :-) enjoy the book and I hope the psych is helpful 

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